Cohort
by AndILoveHer
Summary: It's based on the real stories of three men that went from a life of pain, rebellion, and thug life into a life of redemption over time. God's grace abounding three boys affected in different ways by gangs, trying to find themselves, and AIDS find hope.
1. Chapter 1

Jose- A mexican gangster stuck in Gorin but would rather live back in Chicago. He lives with his grandmother and his sister and half sister in the projects of the next town over. He lives the thug life, lots of alcohol, tats, and women. He had been dating Tina, but the recently broke up. Neither of them were faithful and Jose just figured why even date then? He's a senior technically, but he isn't sure he'll graduate til after one more semester.

Glandy- Andy Mitchell knew Chris "Barnabas" since the first grade, and has known Jose for about 5 years. Barnabas was an old school friend and Jose and he became friends back when Glandy used to watch every sport he could, including the baseball team that Jose played for four years ago. He was born HIV positive and has since contracted AIDS, his dad's gone now which helps him relate to both the other boys. He lives at home with his mom who also has the disease. His half brother, Torrin, from his dad's side, also lives with them. Glandy's also a strong Christian, and a good kid who wants to help kids with terminal illnesses. He lives like he had seconds left, he has tons of fun with his life but in a way that glorifies his God. He's a freshman in highschool now.

Barny- Lives at home in the country with both parents and his brother just moved out to go to the U od M in St. Paul. He's the youngest of the two boys, and just this year switched from the snooty private school to the public school where he has more friends, but also realizes a ton of worldly things that he now has access to. The resistance starts out as an easy obstacle to overcome, until his closest friends seem to pull him in. His dad works long business trips frequently and on days when his mom goes with or works at the local clinic he'd sneak out and go for a drive. He's just started dating Nena, his first girlfriend and first kiss, and his new best friends Josh and Chase or decent guys and they're all trying to be better men and Christians, but still growing into their own poses issues. He's a sophomore in highschool now.

all three characters are in highschool in Gorin and may or may not be true stories.

JPOV

It's been 11 years since we first moved here and I started pissin off white people, and not much has changed; except I suppose the fact that we moved away for awhile, I went to juvie, I'm working on drawing my fifth tattoo and I'm prolly the best drug dealer in our town. I said best, not the biggest. See, I went to juvie for a fight in junior high, not for drugs; they'll never catch me doin a deal, I'm too good at it. Plus the new cats I got on my side have a good eye for cops, and even personally know some of our finer undercover officers. Small towns, gotta love how secrets don't stay secrets.

In first grade they looked at me cuz they wondered if I knew English, but now my teachers looked at me cuz they wondered if I was strapped, and that was a valid question cuz I often was. I usually had the sense to leave it out in the car though. I had my brass knuckles in my pocket still, and my best knife in my backpack, but still right where I could reach it quick. I say my best knife cuz it was the one that barely needed more than a light flick to pop out, plus it was still sharp. My others ones wear down from constantly throwing them at the wall in Tek's basement when we were havin our little contests. Damn, maybe we do deserve to be looked at like apes in the zoo; we act like fuckin primates, throwin our tools to establish dominance. See, Tek and I run the crew up here, and yeah, we're a small town, but the fact that Gorin is number two in the country for coke had a lot to do with us. (Gotta love how the old people still think the town is clean). I bump into Jerry in the hall, that cracker used to be my best friend, now he's a preppy and I don't know what the hell happened to him. I still see him every couple weeks when he's goin to a party and needs weed or a couple lines worth of coke, kid tried to write me a check last time.. he's gone a long way from the straight laced momma's boy he was 7 years ago. Maria's at her locker fixing her hair, got caught in one of her big ass hoops again. My stupid sister was ghetto fab in a town with no ghetto. Well ok, so we lived in the ghetto, but really that was about it. Not many of the rest of the kids, ESPECIALLY the white kids, which was prolly a good 95% of this damn town, even got why we lived there, like we chose it.

That's where Glandy, Ernie, and this new cat Glandy calls Barnabas come in, they don't seem to care that I'm the most wanted unknown convict in the state. Glandy understood the ghetto too, no way he woulda chosen it, kid wants way too much from life. But that's probably cuz he doesn't have much time left, his mom had HIV when he was born, and he's had a pretty rough history cuz of it, people teasin him and doctors always pokin him and giving him drugs and shit. He's a nice kid though, I don't even know why he hangs with us, he's "born again" and all that, way too righteous for my taste, but he's never done anything for me not to like him. And ernie... well... that dude's a wigger pure and simple, there's no better way to put it. I'm not sure if it's cuz of all the fights he's been in but he's more whacked out then most the cats I sell to. And this new kid, Barnabas. I'm tryin to figure him out still. I know his brother kinda, played baseball with him back before I got my "job." the brother's an ass, got too into the game, got mad when it didn't go well. I never understood that, at least not in sports, but then again I rarely lose. I'm a big guy, I get picked a lot. 6"8' with a nice toned 300 frame, I'm a goddamn beast, and I know it. What was I talkin bout? yeah, Barnabas. Kid laid down some funny rhymes for us the other night at Glandy's. Made me laugh picturing his white mom hearin him. I see her around a lot, goes to church with Maria and she always waves at me when I go pick my sis up from that youth group on wednesdays. She's nice but I am pretty sure she'd never want a guy like me around her kids, tattoos or not. Anyway, this new Keebler cracker had some rhymes, plus he whipped that car around pretty fast when Glandy let him take his car around the block to get us some more pop; might have to give him a try at the next race. Where the fuck is my next class!? Maria would know, where the fuck is she!? Ah, over there talkin to that Jeff kid. Kid thinks he's badass cuz he can dunk. Let's see how badass he is when my bicep's leaning against his locker and as I give him my best "why you talkin to my sister" smile. Dang, Maria beat me to it, huggin him quick before I can get to him.

"Ninyo, you know you have math in the east side right? That's on the second floor on THAT side" Smartass, if she wasn't my sister and a girl I'd have slapped her for treatin me like i was dumb. But then again I didn't know where my class was, but she couldn't know that.

"yeah I know, I was seein your new boyfriend, another white kid thinks he can act tough cuz he can play a black sport"

"as opposed to a spic who thinks he can act tough cuz he's the biggest ass in our town and he's smart enough to stay away from traffic cops?" Now she's gettin on my nerves.

Whatever, I roll my eyes and nod at my car out the cafeteria window, "see ya at 5"

We got done with classes before three, and I usually skipped the last one, but she knew I'd be dealin for at least an hour after school, when all the jocks got out of practices or the druggies needed a weed upgrade. Plus she had that dance shit after school. I didn't get it, it wasn't cheerleading, ballet, or the kind of dancing ya see in those club videos or even Saved By the Bell after school shit. It was like a mix of reggaetone and 30 minute ab workout commercials with that fucking gay white afro guy. I didn't know why my baby sis would do that shit, I've seen her dance for real. Hate to say it but my baby sis can work it, and she downplays it by square dancin to Britney Spears.

Anyway, I'm gonna go see if I can sell a dime bag while I light up the cuban I've been savin since Tuesday.

GPOV

I HATE that I can't be normal, even now. I know why I don't need health class, I mean, I live it everyday, but do I really need to skip the WHOLE class? Can't I at least watch the other guys play ball after I take my meds? At least I get another hour to do my math. Ah, but God was good, and at least Barnabas would come talk to me for awhile after his band lesson. He hated his Honors Comp class (somethin we had in common) and he'd come encourage me and make me smile some before I took my next round of meds. That's why I called him Barnabas in the first place; I liked his real name, good Christian name, but Barnabas was the "son of encouragement" in the New Testament. He was somewhat popular, at least among the people he cared to be popular around. He wasn't about to try and hang out with the burnouts, drinkers, or jocks. He was the cool theatre guy who also happened to like rap music, and he knew a lot about the Bible, which was our usual talking point. He went to church with Maria, which always made me smile to think about. Maria looked like the kinda rough chick you saw sayin racist things like "I cut you foo" in stupid BET style movies, but she loved church, and Jesus, and never wanted to hurt anyone, and she was FAR from being one of those easy chicks. I hated that label for any girl, especially when it wasn't deserved. Maria was gorgeous, that was easy to see. If God were to grant me healing from AIDS, I'd definitely like to date her. But he did make me content with myself and Mar was a great friend.

When will that bell ring? I don't wanna just sit here and wait for lunch, maybe I'll read Mark today. Oh yeah! Tonight's fight night with Jose. I have almost a whole hour to kill before my math class, and it's not like the teachers ever stop the kid with AIDS from driving off campus; maybe I'll go get some pizzas and snacks for the guys, Barnabas said he'd come too. WWE was the one sport I liked to watch. It got that violent manly desire out of me without actually hitting anything (which can be annoying some days, but blood is too big a risk for me) and I was always aware that it was fake, which made me feel better about the fact I'd never be able to play a sanctioned sport.

Out in the parking lot I wave over at Jose, and shake my head, he's smoking that cigar he's been talking about. I'm kinda ashamed that we both act like he doesn't deal, but I try to love on him enough without approving of his activity. I put in some Skillet and head to Wally World for some snacks and see if they have that Red Dead Revolver game that Barnabas loves so much for cheaper than 15 bucks.

BPOV

I HATE Comp, my crazy lesbian teacher hated me back. I was so glad to have Nena and my two bros in that class, there's no way I could handle it alone. She really was a scary big boned lesbian, I wasn't making that up. She was open to most of the school, especially that new Gay Straight Alliance group. And since Miss Johnson knew I was pretty active in my church (at least active in the fact that I went to it) she also knew I didn't approve of her life choices. And so I made it a point to use as many Jesus referrences or Bible verses I could, especially since the principal told her she can't get mad at us for using our religious opinions on opinion based papers. Josh and Chase were in on it to, and that made that class just the few notches more fun to make it bearable. Plus I took my weekly band and choir lessons during that class, so I had two twenty minute breaks from it, and my lunch period split the damn thing in half, so I only ever had to listen to her voice for about forty minutes a time no matter which day it was. Dang, Glandy wasn't at his spot today like he usually is after my band lesson, but he did mention somethin about an extra appointment, and the wrestling thing was tonight and I know he goes off campus for lunch on days he would have health if they made him take it. Man, i can't even remember when we met, but it's been since like first grade. He loves Jesus more than anything, but he's not one of the weirdos like on that Mandy Moore movie, he just makes you realize what life's about. Plus he's always super happy, and that's fun to be around. He knows almost everything about me, and I about him. We're more brothers than Charlie and I are. He even loves some cool bands and superheroes. Man, one night we stayed up til around 4 am with the other guys, playing Axis and Allies and watchin all the old Superman movies. The last son of Krypton was the favorite of both of us giant nerds.

Well I'll just go back and sit by my baby and hope Johnson doesn't call on me for the ten minutes we have til lunch. I sit back down and hold my girl's hand and make Josh laugh at the drawing I made during the first half of class. It was a big elephant with a bunch of democrat stickers and a bunch of birds with oversized left wings flying around it. there was even a big pile of weed behind it. Josh snickered at it, and wrote his own addition to it "Is this Johnson?" was the caption along with a newly added rainbow and an "I 3 F's" sign on the crackhead beast. I laughed and gave him some knucks under my desk. Nena elbowed me, upset at our immaturity, but then laughed at a second look at our creation. Chase looked back, and I motioned that I'd tell him at the bell, which in typical Growing Pains style, rang about four seconds after that.

Lunch was one of my favorites, Spicy chicken sandwiches. It's just a tyson chicken patty with some kind of hot sauce on it, but it made me want seconds and always meant Nena would get an icecream sandwich for us to split cuz the sauce was too much to handle after awhile. She was such a sweetheart that way, always thinkin about how to share things or find ways to cuddle or hold my hand during school. My folks wouldn't appreciate the fact that I've made out with her in school, but I always thought it was cute and we never did more than a few minute long kiss here or there, not like that Jeff guy I saw with Maria today and Margaret James last week.

I can't imagine Jose will let that happen. He's pretty b.a. but he still treats his sister like a gentleman, or at least with the thug's version of chivalry. He seemed pretty cool. I'm pretty sure Glandyator wasn't joking about him being a dealer, but he was nice to me, hopefully he figures out he's gotta do somethin else before he gets caught. At any rate, I was looking forward to seeing his gorgeous ride tonight at Glandy's. 1969 Chevelle SS, orange with the double black running down it, unintentionally the colors of our highschool. You can tell he's put a ton of work and time into that machine. The rims aren't flashy but obviously not stock, and they're crisp, always shinin. I caught a glimpse of the interior yesterday after football practice and wished i could have asked for a ride as opposed to taking the work truck of my family, appropriately named "Bertha", but a sweat and grass covered body inside Jose's whip would have been a deadly sin. It made me hate my truck even more. Normally mom and dad let me take the Suburban, but on days when mom worked I got pinned with Bertha. We could afford a nicer car, as evidenced by the one that Charlie took with him to college, a wicked 2003 Grand Prix GT that dad bought just the year before. So it just sucked that I had to drive the stupid truck. It worked, well... the wheels worked and the engine rarely sputtered, and the windshield wipers almost worked too well. They would decide to turn on randomly down the highway, or when I hit an exceptionally awkward pothole. And sometimes my beloved Bertha's engine wouldn't shut off for a few minutes after I turned the ignition off. The heat didn't work, the radio didn't work but the speakers did; that didn't do me any good though as there aren't any good rap albums I can find for a 19-some-decade-or-so-before-I-was-born 8 track player. I coveted Jose's beauty. The purr on that kitten made the hair on my neck stand up, my knees go weak, breath come in short bursts and tingly goosebumps like crazy. If ever there were a car to makeout with it'd be that one. Nena should be jealous that I'll be eye-sexing up another tonight.


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER TWO!

GPOV

3 am, and of course I can't sleep again. See I have to get up every night around 3 just to take a couple pills and occassionally a shot. I could reschedule and take them before I go to bed, but then I'd have to get up at 6 or some awful time of day. PLus I love this time of night, even when I can't sleep. Sometimes I plug my headphones into my amp and play for a half hour or until my fingertips get sore. Mom got me the headphones because she can still hear my acoustic from down the hall, and while the tone isn't as good I don't mind the electric at this time of day. I finished a good riff and scribbled down the tabs, so I could play it for Barnabas later to sing over. I love making him sing, we can jam out for hours that way, plus it's hard to play well for his raps, and we harmonize well. Something about the way two best friends link up on a song makes it more meaningful than if the lyrics and group are strangers. Plus Mel liked it when we sang, even though she loves Barnabas' rapping, and she was coming to visit us this week. She's basically Barny's sister, and she's almost that close to me too, and I LOVE her voice, and if I can get her to sing for me it's almost like none of us are sick again, it's like we're all somehow superheroes from some distant land who have some gift with the music. God couldn't have blessed me with a better coping device than music, it's something to get lost in.

DANG, when did it get to be four am!? still can't sleep, no homework to put me to sleep, and no one up to talk to. Lord, I need rest, I have that darn physics test tomorrow, plus it's wednesday and I wanna be alert for youth group.

Usually that helps, but I'm still awake, that was some wrestling match tonight, and it seems like my friends are all liking each other, hopefully they all come next week. I was surprised how much we all liked the same stuff. Jose and Barnabas love the same rappers, we all love gratuitous violence and that crazy video game. Heck, Jose even likes Axis and Allies, something I never knew nor would I have EVER guessed. Plus we all are gonna go see X Men later this next week. My brothers should be brothers with each other right? Speakin of which I hear Torrin up, sometimes I hear him walk by my room and we talk a bit about school and stuff with our lives and mom. Not tonight, I just heard the flush and his door shut again. I gotta try to sleep before this med kicks in and makes me nautious.

JPOV

I can't believe I connected with all those white kids. It's not that I'm racist, at least I hope I'm not, it's just that I seriously never had that many white guys around me. Living in Chicago and the projects in Gorin didn't leave me many whites to hang out with. And in Gorin the white kids are either the kids of crazy Catholic white folks, or themselves crazy Catholics, throw in the occasional rich kid, and the damn stoners I deal to and can't stand to talk to even when they're handing me cash, and none of those groups really wanna be seen with a huge thug.

But these guys were cool, plus I got free food out of the deal. That video game was fun, and that one Barnabas kid was fun to wrestle and I can't wait to play Axis and Allies next week. One class I always loved was history, it's pretty much the only one I've never skipped for fun. Plus I rock at that game, neighbor kids and I used to play in middleschool with our brothers.

Still, being the only Mexican in a room full of Gringos was a little weird. I wasn't sure what to do. but then when they brought out the food I think we started clicking more. Plus we all love cars; Glandy and Barnabas both know all the specs of my baby. I'm pretty proud of that car, I actually legally bought all the parts for that thing, never using the drug money or even race money on it. All legal, all mine. The mechanic stuff I've been doin brings in enough cash to buy new parts, and it helps when people "donate" '69 frames to rebuild cars for. Plus I get parts at base price, and Tek hooks me up with great paint jobs for cheap. The only thing that sucked to do was check and recheck the block, but it's been well worth it, she purrs now, and damn is she fast on a straight line. Glandy's driven it, which made Barnabas cringe and shrug. I had to give him credit for that; any good man knows you don't get to ask to drive my car, you earn that right. And his sheer respect for it made me wanna let him give it a try. I probably will show him how to drive her next week when we need a break from WWII and the overhead lights in the Glandy cave.

The only thing I regret about that night is not bringin hot sauce. We had pizza, and I don't usually like the taste of frozen pizza without it. But Glandy knows me, and had some Tabasco, not quite the same but it did the trick. Oh, and a Corona woulda been nice. Just one, I'm no alcoholic. In fact I usually avoid booze unless the occassion calls for it. But one good beer with pizza and sports games always hits it.

Fuck, when did I last have a smoke? Nana will be home in awhile, and I can't stand this homework for physics until I make my veins calm down. Shit, only two camels left, but that's enough for now. Why am I so pissed off? It's just homework, I got a B, and that's one of the best grades I've ever had. Too bad I'll never need that shit. O, that's why I'm pissed, my best grades are for bullshit I don't care about, and metalshop, which I do already.

Maria's whistling... she better not have been so happy cuz that Jeff kid was hittin on her. That shit's gotta stop, she's a good girl, she needs better than that asshole. Ah, there it is, she's makin lasagna for us tonight, Nana's not comin home til after her church meeting with the other Mexican Mary lovers. I love when my sis cooks, she knows exactly how to make healthy food taste like soul food. Maybe I'll wait for my Camel til after I eat tonight, why downplay the taste.

BPOV

YES! FINALLY! Mom left me the suburban, and took Bertha. I finally get music while I ride to school today, and I've been dying to check out how my Cross Movement CD sounds with some real bass. Plus I have play practice tonight, which means Nena will wanna hang out for an hour afterward cuz we have the excuse to makeout, and the suburban was easier to sit in than the hallway in the back of school was to hide in. It's not like we're doin anything too innapropriate, it's just weird when people walk by.

Dang I loved musicals, especially when I had a part, and this year I had a small part but it's a classic play, Brigadoon, and our leprechaun director Kiddelle was letting me run lines with the main cast. Seriously, the green suited quasi-mulletted, pipe smoker shorty was exactly how I pictured leprechauns, minus the accent and gold. It was a good opportunity for me to show him how well I act and memorize. Plus people in plays seem happier, they usually aren't but they seem it. Oh, and I love to sing. Especially with other people who can really sing and feel the music, which is why I love the plays. Even the people who don't feel it can at least act like they do, and that's almost as good. The only bad thing is the kilts are SUPER awkward, I'm just glad we don't have to wear em yet.

SICK! She left me a Papa Murphy's in the fridge too. That's awesome. My mom can seriously rock some days. Josh and Chase are comin over tonight around 7 or 8 depending when I'm done mackin on Nena, and playin some Red Dead Revolver and Axis and Allies and apparently eating some great pizza. I have a sweet set up I've been wanting to beat Chase with. It's Josh and I as the axis tonight. I am gonna be Germany. I'm ready for Chase's sea zone in Gret Britain tonight. He's goin down. And as long as Josh keeps Japan from getting taken by the Western U.S. tonight, we'll easily win. I can't wait. Troy took me out last time with Russia, who loses to frickin Russians!? Josh knows to keep them busy with Japan, but just in case I'll write a quick strategy report before we start. Man I'm a nerd, but I'm playing Glandy next week, and Jose too, and Glandy's TERRIBLY difficult to beat. And if I'm against Jose I'll need to be versatile, new opponents are always hard to beat when you have only a few set ideas. Wow, total nerd.

I wonder what Nena would think of this, she seems like she'd be more of the type of girl who'd just shake her head but let me have my fun. I know she loves Lord of The Rings, credit there, and she's coming to the X Men movie with me later, so maybe she's enough of a nerd to get along with me. I hope so, I mean, she is my girlfriend. She's my girl. :D

Ok, I gotta get goin if I wanna get to school in time to finish my math. I'll just finish Spanish during lunch like always. I love Spanish, well, I love the language and i love being the highest grade in the class. I'm not a straight A student, but I do take pride in doin well in class.

Well ok, I take pride in anything I do well actually. The plays, class, Axis and Allies, rap, it doesn't matter. I don't get outlets to shine all that often, and when i do I soak em up. Rapping is my newest favorite. I just feel cool rapping, I know I'm not the most hood, and I'm no Eminem, nor do I wanna be. I hate him most the time. But hearing Jose say "That was tight" after spittin a few lines last week, that was a high point of my center stage life.


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3

GPOV

I hate being "AIDS boy" wow, that'd be just about the most retarded superhero ever. I wish I didn't want to blame someone else for it so much. I used to blame mom for it, but she didn't mean to infect me, nor did she even know that she did or would. It wasn't til her prenatal care of me that she even knew she had HIV, dad never told her he had it. So then I blamed her for not being tested, it's what responsible sexually active people are supposed to do. I have no disillusions that mom waited til her wedding night, especially not with my dad, and though I morally disagree with that (and neither does mom now that she's a Christian) I do think that in that secular world you should be safe.

So then i blamed my dad. He's still a jerk. I know I'm supposed to love on him, but it's hard when he's still the same pot smoking sex addict he was before he met my mom. How could mom not see that he was a jerk? Even if he was faithful, which I highly doubt, he was still a skeez. He even _looks_ like he should have full blown AIDS, dirty, creepy and slimy, but yet he's got only HIV, the lesser strain of what I have (not to downplay it) and is symptom free. Symptom free... I can't imagine how different life is without this virus.

That made me mad at God for years. I didn't do anything wrong, why did I have to be the one who suffered the most physically from the sins of my biological dad. I hate swearing but damn he's an ass. And it was dad's fault but there he was, leaving our family, and my half brother torrin (who somehow luckily doesn't even have HIV) with mom and me, and he's symptom free. I'm the good one! I'm not sure how or why God chose to give me this virus, but I had to keep telling myself it was for his glory. It's like in John 9:1-5.

1As he went along, he saw a man blind from birth. 2His disciples asked him, "Rabbi, who sinned, this man or his parents, that he was born blind?"

3"Neither this man nor his parents sinned," said Jesus, "but this happened so that the work of God might be displayed in his life. 4As long as it is day, we must do the work of him who sent me. Night is coming, when no one can work. 5While I am in the world, I am the light of the world."

God was gonna show his glory through my virus, but for now it sucks. I had to skip Axis and Allies today cuz of my sores, had to go get emergency tests and meds. I take my meds, I've only missed one shot my whole life that I can remember, and that night was bad enough that I never forgot it after that. But tonight was the big night, the night I'd been wanting to have with my good friends all together, my brothers. The night I planned! the night I was gonna finally smash my two biggest friends at something. I had an amazing strategy as the Russians, and I was sure it would take out at least Japan, and severely take out Germany, hopefully enough for Torrin to take the capital as the British team. I could even singlehandedly take out Germany as well depending on if I get a good special weapon roll. It was the one time I knew I could smash Barny and Jose. I can usually beat Barnes in a game of horse, the one sport I was allowed to play as long as it didn't turn into one on one, and I could rain down long threes that he could never hit. But Jose can dunk 5 times out of 10, and if he hit two of those I was sunk. So this was my "sport" my time to dominate them. They were good players, and stretched my strategies. But if there's one thing I know it's how to be tricky when things change, one benefit of this devious disease in me. I'm just sad that it won't be til next week, if I make it that long.

Man, I'm fifteen. That's double and then some of my predicted life span. I had full blown AIDS by the time I was around 5 months old, and if I made it to my 7th birthday it was supposed to be a crazy miracle. Well then, I'm a miracle. Awesome. i don't feel like a miracle, I feel like a curse. Sure, I go and "help" kids with other terminal diseases to cope with it, and hopefully find the Lord, but I don't feel like I made that big of a difference yet. I hope I do something BIG for God's kingdom soon, I don't know how much time's left.

BPOV

I feel really guilty. My best friend's in the hospital, or on his way back maybe, and I just had a fun night without him. Jose and I just hung out with Torrin; it was a weird dynamic but it was fun. It's easier for me to think about it when I picture our musical stereotypes. Torrin is the kind of guy who likes bands like Linkin Park to Iron Maiden, and he dresses and acts like it sometimes, but he's normally quiet. Jose, who I accidentally called Ninyo like his sister does, is more like the reggaetone scene. I know that sounds racist but it's true, he loves his bass music and latin hip hop suits him. I'm more all over the place, I like bands like Red and Skillet, just like my man Glandy, but Jay Z and Cross Movement have been gracing my earbuds lately. The three genres can mix together, that's not what I'm getting at, it's just a very strange harmony. It's like a rock metal guitar filled with a nice snare and a booming bass, which is exactly what we listened to in Jose's baby... while I drove. He let me drive the SS, and I could not have had a better time in a vehicle. The music pumped, the interior glistened, the engine roar pulsed through to my core, almost like it lit up my soul. I'd never driven a stick before, and Ninyo could tell, but he was calm as I killed his car once or twice before I finally got the hang of it, and he'd give me instruction on when to pop the clutch again, how to feel when the engine wanted the next level. I loved it, he got me up to around 90 on a backroad before I gave up the wheel and we went back to his grandma's house and watched Mallrats and had some delicious chalupas that Jose's sister made us. I made the mistake of noting aloud that Maria was pretty in front of my new Shaquille O'Neal friend. No wait, Shaq would have squirmed at how Jose literally tossed me out of his house. I told Torrin I thought Maria was cute; then I felt a huge hand pick me up, just the one hand, toss me over a giant bicep and carry me upstairs tp the ground floor. He nudged the door open and literally threw me from his porch over the front bushes. "You're lucky you didn't say she was hott, or something inappropriate." I think I about had a cardiac before I heard the chortle that meant that my life was far from in danger, and that Jose was taking a free shot at me. Even Nana Santana was laughing hysterically from the porch. And I saw Maria smile at me when I came back in and brushed my dignity off on the rug.

It's hard to listen to Glandy when he tells me to go have fun when he's sick. When Glandy's sick it's not like when I have a fever. The flu to him means he's gonna come inches to the end of his rope. He jokes about it even. He's got the directional compass of a blind, one -legged dog from outta town, but he'll say "the only place I've been to often enough to remember every turn is the block before the pearly gates" He's got... what are they called... leasions? this time again, they're like chicken pox on acid. It's stomache turning to look at, especially on your brother. He called to tell me to go have fun without him, and that it's "no big deal, I've been worse, and you've seen it" That's why we called him Glandyator, it was fitting. He was a fighter, a gladiator; he fought AIDS, he fought demons for us, and he fought structure. He pushed the limits and bounds of everything, he never did anything unless he could make it fun. His joy was contagious, just like my favorite picture, the one of Jesus laughing. I loved picturing Christ playing jokes, or laughing, and Glandy showed that to me. He was right though, I've seen him worse than this, I've seen him so bad he couldn't talk, and if he was cracking jokes and callin me, he'll hopefully fight through it. His mom said to say hi loudly over the phone.

I always felt bad seeing her when Andy was sick too. I could always tell she felt bad for how fragile he was, even though I always thought she treated him like way too much of a China doll. Fine, he was sick, but he was still a man dammit. He knew by now how to take care of himself. I think she just wished and longed for a way to cure him; anyone could see she blamed herself.

Everytime this happens I call either Mel or Cherish, they seem to have the quiet, womanly, loving, comforting voice and reasoning that I need. But this is the first time in a long time I didn't feel the _need_ to do it. Jose hit me with that tonight. Oddly enough that behemoth was just as comforting this time as Mel usually is. Even as he swore and was upset there was a level of comfort like he knew his boy was fine. It was faith. We all laughed that night, even Glandy when he called us at 2 am tellin us he was comin back. Made me think the viral part of his life was the joy, not the pain.

I did call Mel later though, but mostly just to tell her to pray for Andy though. And we talked about her choir trip to Chicago that's comin up. I told her she should come visit, and that she could stay at my place. She laughed when I told her about Jose and Maria's house. In our small world she told me she'd know them both for years. Apparently her mom and Nana Santana went to church together in Chicago and kept in touch. She and Maria used to go to VBS together when Mel's family stayed in Chicago in the summers. Gotta love the weaving of the Master at those points of life. She prayed with me over the phone before I got out of cell phone range on my drive home. That was my second time being grateful for the faith of others that night.

JPOV

FUCK AIDS. Torrin laughed at that, and the kid smiled, but I was serious and they knew it. Glandy was gonna be fine and we all knew it, but none of us wanted to be cool when our bro was locked up at the hospital. But I was still pissed. He was a good fuckin kid dammit, and it made my fucking blood turn thinking about what his fucking asshole of a dad did to make this saint of a kid so fucking sick. That fucker better hope I never meet him outside someplace, I'd torture him just as much as Glandy's been tortured every goddamn day of his life. Almost 15 fucking years this kid's been taking bullshit from people, needles from doctors, and not been able to do the kinda shit men should do like tackle a guy in a football game or not have to take a needle to the arm unless you want a damn tattoo, or get to fucking wrestle your brother. Dammit, I'd kill that motherfucker. Glandy was the nicest kid I've ever met, and that includes babies and priests and stuff.

I needed to chill, but Nana was home, and ain't know way I was gonna smoke before I went back there, so I did the next best thing, went for a cruise. I let the kid drive, I could see he had a lil spark in him and needed the release of a good drive more than I did.

Plus it's fun for me to watch people kill my car. I don't mind it as much as they think, I can fix it. He wasn't too bad, but he did kill it 7 times before he finally got it in gear. Not bad for his first time, but he looked like he thought I was gonna tear him apart. That may be cuz I tried to scare him. 'Fuck kid, what are you thinkin? Just pop the damn clutch already I'm tired of this parkin lot and you breakin my damn ride.' But then I smiled. I hope he gets my jokes soon or he might have a mind explosion. Once he got it out of the lot the rest was simple, he could tell pretty close to when he should shift up again. I might seriously let him drive me around a bit more, he's got that love and respect for it that's cool to be around. Plus I need to find a good kid to get in a race soon. I can drive my car but I'm not quick enough at the light, and the kid's got me beat there.

Ha, and I love the fact that not only were they willing to watch Mallrats but it was their idea, and that they'd both seen it before gave me some respect for em in a weird way. Didn't think white mom and dad would allow that, and I doubt that their folks were even aware of it, which meant they didn't just do what rich mom and white dad said. That's right, Barny's the only one with a dad even, and his wasn't there that much. It's fine with me though, my fuckin dad was a washout according to Nana, and my own mom ran out, pinning us on her mom. Nana's even cooler than most other people's folks anyway though. And damn she's a tough old lady, she knew what happened in the hood, she knew who I rolled with, and I knew she didn't like it. She didn't know I dealt, but she knew I fought, and she always told me to be careful and to keep my name out of the paper. so far I'd done that pretty well. My one hit to juvie didn't even stay on my record, and my grandmother understood the circumstances of that fight. She even watched Mallrats with us for awhile while Maria cooked for us.

That night I got a call from Tina. Was it wrong for me to wanna punch that bitch out? Barny and Glandy both laughed when I said that, and I feel like it's a legitimate question. She's a bitch. I'm just glad we broke up before she knew she was pregnant, so it didn't look like I left cuz of that. Yeah, my psycho ex was carrying my kid. the kid she doesn't even want. That fucking slut just wants to go out and party again. It took every ounce of me to beg and convince her not to kill my kid. I told her I'd take it. Damn, "it"? I mean the baby, if I knew if it was a boy or a girl I woulda said that. "It" is not a thing, that's my kid. I would adopt our baby, and she could just leave, I didn't care. I don't need to party, those bitches fucking annoy me anyway. And Nana raised me to know that all life is a big deal, and ain't no way I could live with myself knowing that I coulda stopped it. Yeah, I got a tear tatted on my face, but I'll be damned if I let it be cuz of a baby. Yeah, I'd still drive around and prolly smoke once the baby is here, but Nana already knows that day's coming and told me she was proud I wanted to keep it She's gonna help me have a few days to be a kid every once in awhile, which gives her a few days to be the spoiling Grandma we all know she is. I can't believe Tina doesn't want this. I already put in the paperwork to adopt him completely, and as long as she signs I'll never fucking talk to her again. I didn't want to be a dad this young in my life, but now that it's here I'm not gonna run away from it. I don't bolt on anything, especially when I'm responsible for it. None of my friends know, and Tina doesn't wanna tell anyone. She's gonna have the kid during the summer so she'll only be showing the last couple months of school I think, and she's been to the Alternative Learning Center for her drug use last year, so if she went again this year I doubt anyone would think any less of her, and how could you think less of a ghetto-ass slut? Seriously, of all the guys she's been with it's me that knocks her up. Like I said I want the kid, but I'd prefer a better chick. Kids should have moms, and I know this is gonna suck to raise him as his only parent, even if Nana is right there. I don't pray a lot but God I pray that I don't fuck this up.


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER 4

BPOV

MELODY'S HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I woke up that morning, knowing full well she wouldn't be in my kitchen or living room like she were a Special Day breakfast or a Christmas present, but I felt like it was both of those things. I LOVE Mel, so much so that people believe we're honestly siblings, and she was coming up all the way from Des Moines to see us. By "us" I mean Glandyator and myself. Mel and her sister, who we nicknamed "Cherish" because well, all the guys in our group have all at one time or another tried to date her, are staying at Glandy's house. No offense to me, Glandy lived in town closer to all the things we'd be doing over our nice long weekend, and his mom and the Mel's are good friends, so it made "Mama G" (Mel's last name is Gunderson) a little more comfortable to know her babies were in great hands. But no matter, we were all gonna hang out all weekend!! A good race and a party in the next town over, an all nighter of Lord of the Rings and Axis and Allies (yeah, the girls even play), and good ol' fashioned fireworks out in the country, and probably a hike, but mostly I was looking forward to just chatting with the two girls, something about just chatting brought us close. Plus I loved having someone to protect, even though Mel was the last girl who needed it; she could take care of herself. But I couldn't help but be giddy, I was gonna get to hug my sister again, and this weekend would be great! I did feel bad about one thing, Nena wasn't here this weekend and it was hard for her to understand why I was so giddy about two girls coming to see me; I just hope she'll understand.

Even Andy seemed healthy, well, as healthy as he gets, in time for our sisters to come. Mel and Glandy were the only two people I knew that loved cars as much as I do, and this weekend's race would be fun. Jose was letting me run the SS for at least one, and if I won him some money he'd let me race it again, and I knew Mel would be a good luck charm for me, and I had gotten the hang of the quick clutch on the beast and was always good at green light starts. Plus it was gonna be a half mile race, a quarter mile down, a big U-turn that I could drift most of the way around, and then back to the line. And with that big ass engine and a couple tanks of Nos in her, I could either just straight overpower the other runners or beat em on the turn. I was really good at drifts in that big bruiser, she was heavy enough to take my hard turn without slipping even one bit. I don't know why, but I don't trust my school buddies with this, and I know I'd get in trouble if Mom and Dad figured it out. Glandy won't tell though, he gets this, he gets why I need it, and Mel would love it, Cherish... tolerate it, and Jose is frickin sponsoring it; so in this group I'm good. This is my complete open, honest, but secretly b.a. group.

The school dudes are closer in some regards though, like Josh and Chase I can tell anything to, and we're on the same page with school and classes, and our church life, they know Nena well, and we get each other's stupid antics. Those are things this group doesn't get as well. If I suggested watching Beastmaster or the 13th Warrior to Ninyo and I'd get tossed out of his house until I was ready to man up and watch 8 Mile or Gone in Sixty Seconds. But saying that to Josh or Chase would mean that's what we were gonna do. We'd laugh at it, grab a couple Mt Dew's or Rootbeers outta my fridge, put in a Papa Murphy's and some mozzarella sticks, and play a couple games of pool while we talk about the similarities to the movies and our lives. Like how Tristan in the movie King Arthur reminds me of Chase and his love of being sneaky, or Lancelot reminds me of the loyalty that Josh and I have between us. Or I'd laugh at how Troy could make any evil, stupid, or skanky movie girl remind me of someone from school.

Nena got my silliness too, but she also had my heartstrings in ways I can't even describe. She got the fact that I like storybook romances; ya know, those movie magic moments where they just look at each other and know that there was love there, and then they'd kiss in time for the end credits. No, we'd not said "the word" yet, but we had kissed, in fact we did that on our first date, and I already knew we were gonna be dating for a long time. She's the only girl I've ever even asked out, and the only girl I've dated, or kissed. I asked her out at the homecoming game by singing "Hey Baby" with the pep band and staring at her; she said yes before the song was even over. The next night was the dance and I got my very first kiss two steps away from the second pillar in my high school cafeteria during some slow song, and it was a french kiss. I was flyin high the rest of the night, like I was freakin homecoming king and the biggest untouchable mobster of all time. The kinda guy who's got an entourage around him, and it was all from one silly, beautiful girl and her kiss.

Stop daydreaming Barny! You gotta get outta bed and get ready for school, and then see your sisters!

GPOV

THEY'RE HERE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I can't believe it, Mel and Nicole were here!! I just barely get into my kitchen and mom's makin Nicole some coffee, they just had a long drive afterall. Mel leaped out of her seat and hugs me so hard I about fall over backwards, but why would I mind? This cute sister of mine loved me, she missed me, and I couldn't wait to catch up and enjoy this weekend. Plus Nicole takes wicked good pictures, and those must capture our first weekend together in about 5 months. They're even gonna hang out for some of school today, and then I'm gonna skip once health starts. Well, not really skip, my teachers know all about it and it's excused, but if I would have forgotten to do that I would have taken the time to skip anyway.

I was even goin to my first race tonight. I loved watching a good race in the movies, and I figure watching Barnabas win one would be even more fun. Someone I know winning it all, and I'm pretty sure he will, and then we'll all be happy and high on that feeling when we go watch some LOTR and hang out at my place. Everyone will just be excited and happy, no one will be sick, and it'll be fantastic. As long as I take my meds and take a nap this afternoon (yeah, lame, I know) I will have enough health in me to make it through the marathon of films and the race before I hit the hay for the night.

I didn't tell Mel or Cherish but I'm giving my speech today. I love speech class, and this speech was on a personal story, and it was about the first time I first rode a rollercoaster. Mel was there, and I thought she'd enjoy the fact she was in my speech while she had to sit through this class with me. I was never nervous in front of people, but usually I had to talk about AIDS awareness when I was centerstage, so getting to talk about normal kid things was a nice break when I had the spotlight. Plus, this class was an easy A. I grin about this little surprise I had for Mel today and ask Cherish for the syrup. Mom made chocolate chip waffles, the favorite of all four of the kids in the house.

"Wassup girls!?" O, Torrin. My lil bro is so adorab.... why the crap aren't you wearing a shirt you moron? Ha, he has no sense of decorrum, especially around girls.

"Hey Tor! Missed you, and you're gettin handsome" Mel nudged my foot under the table, letting me know that, while she can see he needs a lesson in chivalry, she remembers that he's only 12 and has that excuse at least.

Mom pipes in at this point, not so much with words as a nod to the bathroom to let Torrin know he needs to shower and put on real clothes and get ready for school.

I do too though, and once I put my plate in the washer I grab my backpack and grab a spot in the backseat by Mel, and Nicole puts on my favorite CD as we go find a spot next to wear Barny always parks.

JPOV

Just what I need, more white people to hang out with, and this time they're chicks from "I'm-a-fucking-princess-skank" Iowa. Nah, I'm just playin, they seem cool, and Glandy made it clear that I can't skip math today, cuz that's my only class with him and he'll be plannin the weekend with me. It's hilarious to me, this is the kid's rebel weekend, the time he gets to stay out a little later and drink Mt. Dew after 10:30, but for me it'll be a tone down and relaxation of my normal weekend activity. The race will be fun but other than that nothin too wild. No smokin, drinkin, or makin out in front of these ones.

Not that the last one would be somethin I'd try to pull right now, Tina is gonna have my baby in a couple months, and she's showing. I was glad enough she wasn't gonna have an abortion, plus i'm not that big of a dick I'd go out with another girl while she was goin through all the pregnant stuff, even if she was a bitch. And in a weird way the kid was all I could think about. I was gonna be a damn good dad, I was gonna be sure of that. And it wasn't because it was my job, or cuz my dad wasn't around for me; I wanted to be a good dad cuz that's what dad's are supposed to want. And I already loved the kid, got two names already: Michael and Elizabeta. Somehow already knowing the name makes my hopes and prayers more real to me. having more reason to live and to know what my next move should be.

For now my next move will be having a fun relaxing weekend with the good kids, a nice change from Tek and Cashus and coke.

/torrent/The-Boondock-Saints-2000-ENG-DVDrip/40328d3769682762e3333cd1d5d5a00b1211c0ec8fca


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Melody's POV

I missed these boys! Can't believe I got to see them for this whole long weekend. They lied to me, Jose wasn't scary! He was a big cuddly giant. Sure he's got tattoos and he's more ripped than a pair of Cherish's jeans, but he was super kind to us. I feel like he'd be a great big brother or dad, super protective but also pretty laid back. In a weird way he reminds me of my dad. My dad's an ex Navy Seal, straight laced and protective, especially of his girls; but at the same time he was pretty easy to talk to and hang out with, loving and all that. It's kinda funny to me to think that he and a giant Mexican gangster are similar in more than a few ways. And I think my papa would've appreciated the cars here too! Wow i had no idea that Barny could drive like that! I could do that again, sit in that car, feelin that thunder rippin through the frame.

But that's not even the best part! I actually liked goin to school with the boys. I've never been in a highschool classroom, homeschooling lead me right into PSEO, except for band and choir which I do go to at the highschool in Des Moines. I knew most of the answers except for Barny's weird Enviro-hippy class, I've never had to study that kinda stuff. But choir, WOW the choir here was good. I stood by Barny's girlfriend, she's a high soprano, I'm more of an alto but I adjust easily. I couldn't help but steal glances at Glandy and Barnes during the hymns like when they sang "Be Thou My Vision." I could tell it hit their souls, and that was cool to see on their face, especially in their public school. And Nena seemed pretty cool, smiling and being helpful. (I didn't have the heart to tell her that I can read music just fine, but I think she gathered that as we sang) I could tell why my big bro liked her, she was cute and sweet, and I could tell she was just a touch of country tough girl, which I had always hoped he'd end up with a country lovin' girl. I myself happen to LOVE country, and when I saw the Tim McGraw CD stickin out of her purse I knew we'd get along. I just think it's funny how Barny is about 89% rap/hip hop, and the girls I see him loving the most are 95% country. I'm about 70% country, I love rap too, but it has to be good, like that song "Where is the Love" or "Like Toy Soldiers" by Eminem, or anything I've ever heard Barny do; and yeah, the occassional Christian rapper hits a heartstring.

Oh, the music this weekend over and over sent me to a highnote, both literally and figuratively. Glandy and Barny wrote some new songs and I riffed on them, and we wrote and re wrote lyrics all day, Cherish and I harmonizing, Glandy playing his guitar, Barny rapping some and singing some. And Jose just kinda sat and watched, drinkin his Corona (which made me jealous, my devious 15 year old mind) and vibing to our melodies. Glandy and Barny said that's why I never got a nickname like all the rest of them had; because my actual name fit so well with what I love doing, singing.

Sometimes they'd call me "Smart Chick" or Cherish's favorite "Poindextress." Because I'm 15 and in college. Sometimes I just wanna be more "normal" and less of the freaky brainy young girl who's fun to hang out with but too young to date, or too young to drink, or too young to.. blah blah **BLAH... FUCK **that. Yeah, Iowa girl just swore. I'm a nice girl, but damn it I'm mature enought to handle the rest of their lives too, don't dumb it down cuz you think I can't hear your problems.

JPOV

So much for not being a crazy weekend. These kids know how to party! Not like keg stands and joint rolling and noise complaints party. (But I bet if we weren't in the country that last one woulda happened) Just the way they hang out was pretty sweet, talking, joking and shit. I think that Melody is probably the funniest chick I've ever met, and she makes me laugh more than when I'm stoned with the girls that normally joke around me. She's actually witty, as opposed to just crude and retarded. Nana would like her, and Cherish too, but mostly cuz the sister is cute and nice, which would appeal to Nana and her Catholic old lady mindset. But seriously, this weekend was the best I can remember; and no, that's not a joke about how I "forget" weekends sometimes.

Melody and Glandy and Barny played a few songs, some of em hit me pretty hard. Still got the chorus stuck in my head.

_Wanna know what's my best? Wanna see what's my prime?_

_Well here it comes, I'm gonna spit this rhyme_

_it's always entertaining and I don't spend a dime_

_won't keep it to myself ya know that that'd be a crime_

_I will NOT be silent, no I'm not a mime_

_and I'll still make this sound good time after time._

_Y'all say I'm too smiley_

_I think y'all are too serious_

_you think I'm too wiley?_

_I think you're delirious_

Those lines were sick, and from a white dude, who was backed up by a white dude on a guitar and a white Iowa chick. I actually felt the music hit me, felt my head nod, not cuz the beat was good, it _was_ good, but I was nodding cuz I agreed with the shit comin outta my newest brother's head. I felt the same way that he rapped, and related to what even Melody was singing about. Her voice and mind kinda reminded me of Maria too; like I could tell she knew more than we gave her credit, and the song was her way of proving it. Glandy felt it too, he was playin hard, I've never heard him play before, but I knew he was playin better than he normally does. After his riffs he'd smile brighter than normal, like that was the first time he did that, and I think he felt cool. Hell, for the first time in a long time I felt cool cuz I was proud of a friend. Tek didn't do that for me, or the rest of the Bloods. Nah, those stupid fucks made me ashamed that I even knew who the hell they were.

Barny made me a ton of bank friday, I ended five hundred higher than when I walked in, and that counts the 600 I promised Barny that's going towards a better system in the beast. He likes to feel the bass echo through him when he's runnin for me. He doesn't like taking cash from me though, cuz his white mom findin a rubberband of hundreds in his room wouldn't be a fun convo for him, but payin him in more car parts seemed fitting, and actually saves me money buyin parts from my own garage.

It's my legit business, and I make pretty decent money off it, but not enough to support a kid and enough to get my own place, cuz I'm not gonna be the kind of townie that lives above the local bar; I'm gonna get a real house as soon as I can. But the garage is all legal and all the parts legally bought, legally ran. If I'm goin down it's not gonna be for a trade that has honor in it. Coke and weed are just for side money, and to keep my brothas happy. They've been by my side forever, and plus I love bein the big mother fucker who everyone silently fears but openly likes.

I just wish I could be like these normal average cats my age, or close to it. Not having to worry about babies, drugs, rival fuckers trying to run me out of deals or my life, bitchy ex girlfriends, and my hood would be a nice change of pace. The only bad part of the whole weekend was the call I got from Tina, about how she needs 400 bucks for prenatal care. Well, good thing I made some good bets on the Barnyard this weekend. I called him keebler once this weekend, get it? He's a cracker, but I think he didn't really liked that. Well ok, the call _and_ that I had to shave and wear a nice shirt; they took me to church for the first time in three years. Well, the first time that wasn't Christmas, Easter or a wedding or funeral in three years. It was aiight, but I still felt totally out of my mind and way out my place there, so I don't think I'll make it a regular habit. Maria was surprised to see me though, that was a fun time at least.

BPOV

I won, I've won 12 races now, and only lost two, and those were my first night. I won my first race ever, lost the next two, but haven't lost since. I'm gettin good, timing the clutch, timing the spray, timing when to get a green light start and when to just rool down my window and smile after I cross the finish. Yeah, I got cocky, but damn, I'm good. Jose is gettin that system I want, the subs on it pound even when you're pushin the limit of the sound barrier with Nos. It's the kinda bass I can feel in my soul, and playin just the right song will get my heart pumpin enough that I can focus when the scenery whizzes by me.

Mel brought me her voice, that girl can still sing the best. We played Kryptonite acoustically, and her voice on the chorus of it is just sick, the way she riffs is bone tingling. And Glandy played like frickin BB King or somethin, his fingers were flyin but keepin the beat and the original notes intact. It was frickin sick. Even Cherish got in on it, she normally won't sing in front of people, even though I've known her since the first grade. Jose rocked out a bit, and let out a low whistle when I spit an exceptional line or when the others played or Mel hit a good note. He nodded when a line hit him, and I nodded back, lettin him know I really felt it, and it wasn't empty. He raised his bottle a couple times. I was kinda surprised, Ninyo didn't even finish a whole six pack, I've seen him drink 5 beers in an hour like nothin mattered, but through our 5 hour night (after the race) all he finished was 4 beers and a Mt Dew with some pizza. He didn't even smoke at all. But he was smilin just as big as the rest of us; it was like we were at a big ol' family reunion or something. We were clickin together well.

"Night big brother" Mel whispered to me when she gave me her goodnight/see ya tomorrow hug.

"Night Chicanna, see ya tomorrow, bring your old clothes, big hike"

We loved hikin, and takin a guitar up to the top of the bluff was sweet. You could see the next town over, and all the trees starting to change color for fall, it was like God's favorite painting up there.

But they were all leaving, to go back to town. Sometimes I wished I was just like the average folks in my town. Town wasn't bad, and I like people. I'd miss that view but I sometimes resent the fact that Pop has to work so hard, and that we have so much. I take that back, I hate my dad for workin so much. I wish I was like a normal family, a dad with a nine to five or somethin like that. I love Pop, and him being gone for weeks at a time sucks, and I know it pisses Mom off too. This group is more family to me than the people I actually live with. Not cuz my folks and brother don't try or are evil or anything, I just never see em or relate. But these four get me, and I love them for it.

GPOV

There is was, my weekend as a normal kid. Stayin out late, playing video games, drinking Mt. Dew and havin pizza while we watch action movies or play some guitar with people who have actual musical talent. We even caught a party by the races afterward for a few minutes. I couldn't stop smiling. My buddy did really well, he won 8 races in a night, it was better than the movies, and also way faster. I felt pretty cool to know him, and pretty cool that Jose let me "hold the account" that he bet on Barny. I've never seen that much money at one time, but it did feel pretty nice. I'm just glad that Jose promised not to do any deals or have any fights to bet on that night. I couldn't see that. I like to be ignorant to that part of the life of my thuggin' big buddy.

It was fun though. Especially Barny's new song, and him letting me riff on it. I was glad I got the nod for that; I don't like asking to play on his stuff, but he usually asks me anyway. And I yawned a little at 11, and they laughed; they're used to stayin up til midnight no problem.

Sometimes I just wish I could be a normal kid, and be treated that way.


	6. Chapter 6

BPOV

We run this. That's the only thought running through my mind tonight. It was what Jose called "the perfect storm," the night that everything he can bet on, plus a good party, were gonna happen. It was also the night he was gonna prove to his boys that I belonged around, and there's no way in hell I was gonna let him down. I felt HUGE, untouchable, I was gonna win some money for him, and get to be a hero. Granted, being a hero for a bunch of thugs seemed like it made me the villain, but the other side was full of thugs too, and I hated the Asian gang, the redneck KKK lynch mobs, and those blue cad homies. They all made my life a living hell and hate my hometown. I'm not sayin the all sucked, just the ones actually in the gangs. The asians raped a girl from my church at some drunken rave. The fuckers even cut her up, battered and bruised. She called them all out, and they weren't even in the prisons yet. The racist rednecks, well, it's obvious why I hate them right? They listen to that awful country hate music, Confederate flags and shotgun blastin. They called Tek a nigger last week IN class; the teacher didn't hear, but Tek did, and I couldn't wait for his revenge tonight. And the blues... they were the worst of both worlds, of any world, and not just cuz Jose told me his propaganda. They tried to rape Maria a few times, they deal drugs to KIDS, to fucking middleschoolers, they're more racist than the rednecks even, they won't even acknowledge whites or asians or latinos unless there's somethin in it for them. They even threated Nana, Jose's grandma. She's the SWEETEST old catholic latin woman. She wouldn't hurt a flea, but you go after her or her kids, and you're gonna get her sawn off in your face. She's crazy.

But tonight was the prom for gangsters. Huge race night, fights, gambling of all sorts, freestyle rappin with your own boys, and then HUGE house parties at each of the gangs houses. It was like they hate each other at the beginning, but there's respect. And having that many parties keeps the cops too busy to catch anyone, so everyone got away with whatever tonight. I was really looking forward to racing and getting away with all of that.

Jose put a TON of Nos in the SS, and we fixed her up, made her lighter up front so she'd blast off the line even faster. I was the best at breakin away as soon as the light turned green, the bandanna dropped, or someone yelled GO!; and no one ever disputed that. Well, if they did they just had to watch my next race. I raced probably twenty times that night, easy. And DAMN I was good. I won every single race, Ninyo was obviously pleased, and his boys shut their mouths about "cracker" and how I didn't deserve to race for them. By the end of the races everyone knew who Barny was. I ate it all up. Didn't matter who it was, what kind of race they wanted to do. We had three different cars for me to run, but I was always best with Babygirl, the SS. Drift races, straight-lined quarter mile, the one mile loop none of it made any different. I just bumped some Jay Z, some Eminem, or some Good Charlotte (which the boys thought was stupid til I won, they they said "you play whatever you want if you keep winnin like that"), and just owned the road. I never cheated, never cut anyone off, I just took em off the line, and stayed ahead. I was good at being able to tell how much spray I needed to use, and if someone started to inch ahead of me I knew I had more Nos than they did, Jose made sure to get a few more shipments of it for "the garage." It got to the point where other people's gangs would bet on me instead of their own guys. They weren't throwing the race, but they just wanted to win back some of their money. Jose lifted me up, bragged about me all night. "Look who I found," or "get this man a smoke and a drink" I never drank a thing, they knew the drink was for him, and assumed the cigars were for me, but they were for Ninyo too. Then after the races were over he and I got to shine on some freestyles. I don't normally diss other people in rhymes, I usually am uplifting, but that night everyone got it. Jose literally yelled "FUCK REDNECKS, THE ASIAN FUCKHEADS, AND FUCK THE BLUES!" then all his boys joined in chanting "fuck the blues" for about 10 minutes while Ninyo and I kept spittin other lines. Having a bunch of thugs nod to _my_ lines; well that was the coolest part of the whole night. But the next part was the first truly dark blemish I can remember.

Jose told me he wanted me to enter one of the bareknuckle fights. He knew my folks were both gone for the next week, so if I did get hit no one would see the bruise. And that sucked, cuz that was my normal excuse, and it always worked. He smiled, knowing he had me. I wanted to prove my worth to the crew, so I gave in. I wanted to pick the guy, that was my only stipulation. "That's fine bro, that's fine, but I have a suggestion for ya." He points to this thinner asian kid, he's about 5 8, looked kinda fast, but like I could take him pretty easy for power unless he was one of the ones that can flip. He'd be a challenge, and prolly a close fight, but I'm guessing I could take him, depending on the rules. "Ok Barny, bareknuckles is basically just contact, you can grab him quick but no grappling, so you can't just wrestle him and pound on him. He's fast but you can beat him, and I have motivation for you." I start stretching out, trusting Jose, and plus I'm still high on all the adrenaline; I couldn't be touched. "Ya know that girl, the one that got drunk and got raped? That's the guy who made sure she was lit up." My knuckles turned white, my face flush, I was ready to kill. Ninyo patted me, tellin me to get my vengeance. I felt vigilant, but wasn't 100% on whether it was true or if Jose was just giving me a script to read so I'd fight harder. I was gonna ask Tek, I could see him and I was taping up my fist still, but that's when I saw him. We called him X at my highschool, both cuz that's the first letter in his name and cuz he deals it. Tek caught me quick "Didn't that girl say X was in on her... ya know?" They guy I was gonna fight smiled and gave pound to X, and I could read his lips "I'm gonna fuck up another _bitch_ tonight." That was all the evidence I needed. I heard the "ref" yell FIGHT! and before that fucker could turn around I'd caught him in the jaw with a right hook. I don't remember if he hit me ever the whole fight, and I don't know how many times I hit him, I just remember my ears pounding and my hands flyin, not caring where my (or his) punches landed, just that I beat the living crap out of him. And then I remember Jose pullin me away, and raising my arm, stupid asian kid on the ground out cold. I looked at X, and wanted more blood. No man should do that to a girl. He deserved death. He knew what I wanted, scoffed and helped his boy off the pavement. "who's the bitch now?" was the quote of the night from my inner monologue.

I calmed down quite a bit; still hype but it was back to party mode. The whole night people tried to get me a beer or a shot or some smokes. I refused it all but it felt pretty cool. Jose's older brother, Italo, who's kinda the boss, noticed I wasn't drinking and grabbed my arm, tryin to read me. "White boy don't drink? Ya know who else don't drink or smoke with his boys? Snitches." Jose stood up, his cigar in his left, his right hand goin in the pocket I know he keeps his brass knuckles in.

"He's not a snitch Italo, gringo's gotta drive home." I didn't mind the lie about my morals in this situation.

"You race for us, you roll with us, you take a shot, you hang out tonight, and you wait a couple hours and then drive home," Italo had laid down his demand.

Ninyo nodded to me, but I still didn't want a drink. I followed him. "BARNY'S HAVING HIS FIRST VICTORY DRINK!" He mixed it for me.. and it strangely tasted like just 7Up and Sprite and maybe a bit of grenadine with some rootbeer. it was a tall glass, I drank it slow. And Ninyo gave me the wink that meant I had yet to have my first alcoholic beverage.

JPOV

HA, kid would roll up playin that new Eminem song. Well, whatever calms his nerves, if he want's to hear "My Band" over and over, that's cool with me. I know he's gonna shine tonight, can't wait to win a ton of cash for our party off him and Babygirl. He drives like a goddamn movie, smooth and slick. It's like a math or a symphony for him, every pedal push, turn of the wheel, every button push and song he chooses, the way he sets his mirrors so he can stare at the steering wheel of the driver behind him... it's gold. I can't take credit for any of it, other than makin sure he gets the tools he needs for this. I mean, it's my... corporation.. that funds Barny the Kid.

He rolled up in his brother's 03 Grand Prix GT, not a bad whip to be seen in; but it's not doin shit out here. But that's actually a good trick; those other mother fuckers like the fuckin blue bandanna assholes will think Barnes can't run with them, since he don't run a good whip everyday. The perfect distraction, they'll bet big the first couple races. Plus the kid races like he's in a movie, not just in skill but in attitude. He acts like he's got seconds to get the car to the end or someone will die; COMPLETE focus. And he psychs himself into thinkin that the other races are pure evil, and he stomps em out. I get him the keys to Babygirl, he just nods, already zoned out. "what's the first run?" He nods to the first line of cars lining up already. "It's just a quarter mile between the asians, they're 'qualifyin' their best guy for the races."

"Won't make any difference; we're taking everything tonight." DAMN I love this kid, already talkin shit. "How much spray did you get?" Barny, all about the details, love it.

"More than you'll need."

"I dunno, that 350's rollin a spoon and a good fresh set of tires, and there's always room for lots of Nos in those things." It's not worry in his voice, just makin sure he can keep runnin all night.

"Well, just beat him straight off the line then."

He lets out a low grunt, laughin. "No doubt."

I shake his hand and turn him to Tek and the guys, lettin em know this was the kid I was gonna make race for me tonight, and if you wanna bet against him I'll take that bet. No one does, and I still can't tell if they're trusting me or just scared of me.

Barny takes his first race EASY, the asians sent out their b squad guy, laughin at my white kid, and the rednecks never have anything good, no exception tonight. The one that made me smile is that he beat the fuckin blue. He was runnin a Charger, with a few tricked out points; Barny took him straight off the line, a GREAT jump, and made sure he was a full car behind him the entire race. He didn't box him out or cut him off to do it either, just rode smart and straight, and took his drift tight. Tek let out a low whistle, smiled, and went with me to collect the money and congratulate "my new favorite breadwinner." It went on the whole night, twenty some races, never once lost, not even close to losing.

The next thing is what made me proudest, and the dirtiest. I got him into one of the fights, they just kinda go on sporatically during the races, people can bet on them, or you can just wrestle your buddies or arm wrestle, but the best are the bareknuckle boxers. Kicking and punching are they only things allowed, but you can grab a guy to spin him around quick or bend him over for a knee to the face or something. He was gonna fight one of the asians, the taller one who actually has some normal man muscle tone to him instead of that crazy thin ninja body type. He'd be a hard fight for Barny, this guy would be faster, and more used to fighting. Barnes is way bigger than him though, so I was betting on the power play punches to help him get that win. But I had another ace up my sleeve; he hates the scum and the douchebags that hang around in my world. "See that guy? He's one of the ones that raped that drunk girl from your church." I didn't know if he really was one of those guys, but I just wanted Barny to be pissed. I gave him my best "go get em" pat and went to make my 30 dollar bet on my boy. Not too much, I didn't wanna lose a lot if he lost, but enough to make me 70 more if he does pull it off. When I turned back he had already connected his first right hook to that prick's jaw. Dude was already punchdrunk from the first hit, and Barny wasn't quitting. Barny Rubble, I get it now. Kid was trouble for those he wasn't friends with. he caught again with his left, a good jab, into another right hook, then a left handed kidney shot, then right to the stomach, right where the ribcage bends up, that spot that knocks the wind out of ya. As soon as he was bent over Barny kneed him in the face, then a downward right hook the kid's left eye. And that was it; fight over. The asian fucker only hit him when he was flailing from one of my man's punches. As I held his hand up in voctory, he scowled at one of the other guys and made some comment about how he was friends with that girl. He was trying to have honor amongst thugs. What he doesn't know is that there are no good guys in this epic, not in this world.


	7. Chapter 7

MPOV

'She doesn't even go to school here,' Sara talkin to her normal brood of wannabe starlets- aka the evilest girls of our school.

I got the solo!! Yes! I rock. I've been practicing so hardcore for this part, it's a solo singning part in our school musical; and while I have a high range for a Soprano II it was still a reach for me to hit some of those notes as solid as I did. But I musta nailed it! And it's Friday, I'll have some good nes to share with Glandyator during our weekly phone date.

Crap... that's what the chick meant when she was talking about me.. I beat her out for the part; me Madaam Melody Marvellous the Homeschooled of Iowa. I was homeschooled up til last year, when I started full time "PSEO" at Iowa State, and before that I tested out of 10 credits worth of language classes there; but I come to Daleview High for band and choir so I can be with kids my own age and have some sort of structured fun in my life. Most people don't even notice me most days. Well, actually that's not true since I did that stupid newspaper interview.

I made the front page, ya know, the VERY front, the section right in the middle, with my chubby mug plastered dead center. At least I could blame the 'distortion' on the fact that my face was right on the fold. Apparently testing out of credits at my age was an Iowa miracle, and the fact that I was fluent in 8 languages was worth overshadowing our governor's trip to NYC.

But seriously, that pic made me look not so cute, and at the worst time. I'm still trying to trap Anthony Scorsoni into asking me to prom. I know I'm a college student, but dang it I've never been to prom! Plus he's GORGEOUS and actually pretty smart! He took one PSEO class with me, it was just math but hey, it showed he cared about education. But seriously BLEH on that pic. I've been cutting meals down and working out more to get a nice fit in my gown. Nothing crazy or anything just a little "shaping up." Cherish noticed I ate less at dinner and ran harder today and she flipped out.

Anorexia?! I ate _less _I didn't stop altogether: jeez. I'm too smart for that.

Barny called me last night. Kinda out of the blue, and a Thursday night kinda past his usual time, had me nervous for him right away. He said he was just lonely and the only one at his place. I asked him about Nena, and how Jose and my favorite young man (Glandy) was. And I got him to tell me what attracted him to his gf of almost a year, just to try to figure a way to snare my current desire. He told me a bunch of things, but I'm not sure they're compatible, something about his voice sounded nervous, but it did the whole time so maybe I'm reading into it. I'm still worried about that boy.

Cherish's POV

Ah, I love my house! I finally am "on my own" all moved out. I'm not entirely on my own, I live with my best friend since forever, Marvel, (Barnabas named her that, I think for her athletics or something. Come to think of it, he and Glandyator named me Cherish too.. They all had crushes on me when we were little.) and my older sis Maria. Mel might move in next year or the year after when she's done with highschool altogether, but I'm still worried she's too young. She's got me worried about her, almost eating just plain lettuce at dinner, and after a hard run today. I understand wanting to look good for prom, but the girl's like a size five now! She's LITTLE, too little to do that to herself, and too little to hang out with us big girls all the time. I'm worried about the people she hangs out with, they seem like partyers. O well, I'm maybe just too conservative, but I worry about her.

And Barny.. sigh, it seems like we never like each other at the same time! I like him again, but I guess it was me that said we shouldn't do anything while we're so far away and both so young. He wanted to try, I said no, and now he has Nena. And has for about a year; plus he kissed her. He's gonna be hooked for awhile longer. O well, he's a great friend! I love talking to him like we did last night. I'm just worried I won't be around when he changes his mind again.

BPOV

I called the girls last night for the first time in a little while. Why? Cuz I was freaked the heck out. My heart rate was going four times the bpm's it should have after a marathon. I was on edge. Why was I so edgy? Cuz I did the stupidest thing I've yet done in my life. No big deal. Well, actually it was almost the end of my life, and it wasn't entirely my fault. Tek kinda started it. Jose's drug contact was a little spacey, but he found us some great cars and he's kinda funny to talk to. He freestyles a lot, and he's hilarious when he's doing it, but I never thought he was a complete fool til last night. He got a Viper to use for the next month. I don't know how, from who, or why; but why the heck do I care!? He's letting me drive it for a few races. So naturally, we had to test it out right? We went up to the hill behind my town and before Mueller City. It's flat for about six miles, and there's only farmers up there, all spread out; and if ya go late enough, or even at like 6 pm, there's nobody up there. So I opened her up: Ninyo riding shotty and Tek in the backseat, basically sitting on top of the Nos tanks. Somehow he figured out a way to buckle in, had to give him a point for not forgetting that. I got the Viper up to fifth gear, we were CRUISIN, 180-184 easy, smooth. That's when Tek decided to release the spray, he pushed the button. No warning to me, the driver; no warning, in _fifth _gear out of _**SIX **_ gears. Six, not five. I had to shift during an explosion; the whole car shot into hyperspace. The digital spedometer read 209 before I finally managed to pull over and park. We must have sat 12-15 minutes before any of us had the nerve to move, breathe, speak. My adrenaline was way too high.

"you ok bro?" Jose checkin on me, my knuckles were still white.

"yeah, I'm good," that's when Ninyo did what I hoped he'd do. Blurry flash of giant Mexican bicep and then a giant's fist found Tek's gut.

"NEVER push that button, EVER." Tek got the message loud and clear. I

I drove back down the hill at like 30 mph, and that still felt fast, I was looking out for everything. I wasn't sure I trusted myself with this atom bomb strapped to me for the race this weekend.

So I called Mel, then Cherish, then Glandy. All just to calm my nerves and hear a soothing voice and just get this off my mind. Mom and Dad were still on their trip to Jamaica til sometime next week, so I could call them and chat tonight and not have to worry about Mom teasing that I was talking to girls.

I missed those girls, and I caught myself wondering why I didn't call Nena first. 'Well, you'll see her tomorrow and get a real hug,' I let myself rationalize, but still it was nice to talk to the girls. Plus my girl's been a bear about all this prom junk.

We're just juniors, we have another year to worry about this last year prom crap, but she's going crazy. We should have a before dinner and do something fun after toghether with our other friends. "Other friends" means the other couples we know: Dave (my first friend at this school and favorite quarterback) and his girl Sam, and Jr. and his girlfriend, and maybe Josh and his girl, and Chase just cuz we love him. she got mad at me around Winterfest cuz I just hung out with a bunch of guys before the dance, so I let her plan this one. We were gonna have dinner at her friend Desiree's house; she's kind of the crazy blonde friend. She's booksmart, and a bit of a southern bell style princess: aka she was an airhead. And then after the dance we were gonna go back to Nena's house with Dave and Sam and just watch movies and hang out; and I'd prolly crash on her floor or the couch cuddling with her. Both our parent's were somewhat ok with that; it'd be late so Mom doesn't like me driving, plus they're living room is in plain view so we can't do anything against their wishes. We wouldn't anyway, it was just cool that they let me stay in the first place. Dave and Sam would be there too, which was always fun. If I was forced into a double date they were the couple to do it with. Always hilarious and an adventure with those two. Oh, and my tie had to match her dress, not too bad it was just blue. She wasn't a total Promzilla, but a little frustrating for sure.

After the calls it was still only about 8:15, and the guys weren't coming over for Axis and Allies til 8:30, so I started the pizza and started setting up the game pieces while I waited. Tonight was Josh, his brother Justin (I call him "Bic" cuz he lights stuff on fire all the time) and Chase and his brother Josh aka "world's best freshman." They were great at this game, and tonight was no exception, the game went til about 3 am this time. That was fine, no parents meant no one to yell at us when we got loud and the bass was too loud during "Desperado" (one of the best Antonio Banderas movies ever- yeah, I have a man crush- deal with it). It was me and the little brothers against my two best friends from school. Bics hadn't played the game before, so we gave him Russia in traditional rookie style, Freshman Josh had the U.S. and I took United Kingdom. Chase had Germany, and big Josh Japan. That's what sunk us. We gave the most powerful country to our biggest challenge- Chase, and Josh was no slouch in sea battles, so he took U.S.'s sea zone easily. Chase wiped out Russia entirely before I managed to get onto the land in German territory, and the Josh's were stuck fighting on Western U.S. so I got no help there. We lost, but it was a fun night.

Saturday-

I went to go visit Gram after I woke up and cleaned up the house and kicked the guys out- it was about 3 pm. We slept til after noon sometime, ate another pizza and watched Wild Boyz or something to make fun of while our eyes adjusted to the sun.

Gram was happy when I yelled into the house, I just wanted to see her before I picked up Nena for our date that night, and a couple hours of cards and talking with my mom's mom wasn't a bad way to spend an afternoon. Plus, I got a tip that she'd just baked me an apple pie- just a perk, but hey, it's apple pie! She almost always kicked my butt hard at Rummy, 500, Skip Bo, didn't really matter my Grandma was a shark. I stayed with her a couple games but she ran me over most of the three hours I was there. At least the pie tasted better than my utter defeat.

"Is that enough? Have more, ya don't wanna pig out in front of that girl of yours." Subtle Gram, very smooth. "Get some icecream out, do you want icecream?" I knew if I said no she'd ask again, so I said no. "You sure?" Ha, that meant she wanted some, but didn't wanna have her cold savory dessert on her own. I 'caved in' and we just laughed and talked about school and prom and how much fun I had with the guys last night. I didn't tell her absolutely everything, but Gramma got me. She was one of the only ones in our family who understood me and stood up for me. She even remembered to ask me if I got the solo I was looking for. I didn't exactly get it, my choir teacher turned it into a trio, but I was part of that. He was easily the coolest teacher at our school, and I was looking forward to being his T.A. next year.

"Ok, well ya better get goin' Chris, don't wanna keep that girl waiting" jokingly Gram pointed her arthritic finger at me like she was mad. Then, remembering the joke I told her about my cousin, she straightened out the finger so she could point right at me. I could still hear what he said,

"Chris, I learned something important today."

"O yeah? What's that?"

"If Grandma's mad at you, stand right in front of her so she can't blame you!"

The "gramma finger" was notorious, she'd always point when she was making a point or upset, and because she couldn't point straight at you due to her aged and arthritic hands, my lil' cuz thought that meant he was exempt from the blame.

"Alright Gram, love ya" a quick kiss then I was out the door.

That night I talked to Glandy online for an hour before I called him. He was starting to feel sick again, like he did last time he went to Mayo Clinic for a week and 5 days. That was the worst I'd ever seen him. Even his mom was ghastly white when she saw him, and she's rarely been surprised by his ailment. I worry about him. I'm the first to say that he's one tough brother, but I think secretly I'm one of the most scared that he won't make it to his graduation day. I don't want my best friend to die, my younger, wiser Levite. Glandyator, he's a fighter, but I worry how much longer this battle can go.

GPOV

Prom is coming. Woo-hoo. Melody was sweet; she told me she'd go with me "in a heartbeat" if she had a way to get to Gorin from Iowa. That was sweet, but I'm not sure I'll have a normal prom night ever. I'm feeling sick anyway, prom's a week away, and if I get down with something I might not be able to go anyway. I'm only a sophomore, but still I know that it's weird for most girls to be seen on anything that can be considered a date with someone like me: someone who was gonna die any day, or someone with a disability everyone knows about. Let alone a pretty girl like Ashley Wohtke, the cutest girl in our school, and she's hardcore about her faith too. I see her at least twice a week at church, and even though she hangs out with the "popular" kids, they all know she hates swearing and they listen to her about it. I respect that, she's strong. But I'd just be a pity dance if anything. O well, Maria told me she'd save me at least two dances (three if I swallow my pride and breakdance once in that silly circle). I dunno, maybe I'll go to that afterprom thing with Jose, but he won't be at the real prom so I'll just hang out with Maria and Barny.

I'm worried about that big bruiser Jose, he's a big tough guy but having a baby before you graduate highschool's gotta be weighing him down. Tina's due in just over a month, and I know money's tight around his place. He's working too hard for a kid, and his poor Nana's even working to get their place ready for when the little boy comes.

JPOV

Tek's on my last nerve. His mouth is writing check his body can't cash. He thinks just cuz he's on good terms with my actual brother Italo, our gang's big boss, that he can run my part of Gorin, and my garage, like he's the damn king of the whole world. I started working at this garage when I was 13, helping Italo with cleaning the shop, doing small stuff like oil changes and pumping up tires for people when their low; but within a year or two I was helping with the hard stuff on engine blocks, mufflers, rocker arms, camshafts, I was putting in work. Italo left his legitimate business in my hands so I could make a good amount of cash on the side in case I get busted. It was coming in handy lately: I was giving some of the guys less hours so I could soak up more of the cash. I had a baby boy on the way; and between stocking up on toys, a crip, diapers, meds, formula, and continually paying off Tina to not do any drugs and as a "thank you" for letting me get full custody and not having an abortion, I was broke. I was less than broke, I was strapped for cash. Even the huge runs and wins Barny's been bringing me at the track and our street races barely seem to help. I was up 800 til the last race, I lost three hundo when Barny lost to some black kid running a V-8 in a Honda. Never saw it coming when he took the last length with spray. Still, you'd think up five hundred would be a good night. It was, but still not enough. I wanted my son to have it all.

Nana thinks I should name him Michael, after the fighting angel for "Dios." She was a true Mexican Catholic, but I actually liked that idea 100%. That's a strong name, kinda B.A. And if he's my kid, he's definitely gonna be B.A. Mikey. He's coming soon. And I need to save up.

That's why Tek reminding me I'm broke, and his comment on how it was sad "for the hottest gangsta on the block to not have a date to some bull school dance" was not something I could take. I stood up, we both puffed up like some sort of jungle apes, like somehow looking a bit bigger would convince the other to back down.

"Tek, shut your damn mouth. You know I can't do that to Tina. She might be just some chick to you, and yeah she and I broke up but I'm not some prick going out to show the school that I can go out when my ex is having my kid and staying home. Plus that stupid ticket's like 50 bucks, why waste my money?"

"Whatever man, I'm just playin."

"Quit playing then. I'm trying to work, someone's gotta make up for your mistakes." I was starting to flip it; he screwed up a big shipment of weed and lost the whole stash when the drug dogs found it at school. Luckily they found it in the athletic locker room in our vent instead of his locker. We put it in that vent after we got paid, and that way no cop ever saw us actually give the big drug shipments hand in hand at school, and lucky it wasn't cocaine or the cops would have looked harder at the fingerprints around the vent. But either way that was stupid, he should have just skipped class when he saw the dogs came and moved the whole pack off campus til the heat left. His stupidity cost us more than a refund to that kid. Jerry bought from us all the time, the crazy rich white kid bought it all, and for top dollar. If we screwed something up I wanted to make sure he wasn't gonna switch to the Crips' dealers, so I gave him a whole refund, and a discount on his next high, came to being out about 700 bucks overall.

"Dawg, that was NOT my fault! There were cops and I was already in once for possesion with intent this year, I can't risk that. They can put us in big boy jail now."

I knew his reasons, I just wanted to get on his nerves before I went back to work. He was already on my nerves, and that's why when he pulled that stupid stunt in the Viper we got from Italo's supplier got me violent against him. He needed to know I'm not gonna take his stupid crap. He set Nos off when we weren't even in top gear, and he wasn't even driving. We coulda blown up dammit! I swear that kid's dumber than most of our crackheads. Good thing Barny's got his shit in order, and knew by some miracle how to keep the car on the road. We were just getting in a test drive, getting Barnes-an'-Noble ready to drive the thing for real at the track. Tek, thinks he knows best, and can't even tie his own damn shoes.

This prom thing went to Maria's head. Yeah, she was gonna dance with Glandy a couple dances, and Barny too, if she could wrench him away from his chick, but I saw her dress, and the fact she was still hanging around that Jeff cracker. I know she'll be smart, but I know that Jeff won't be. He's the kinda guy who doesn't seem to wanna wait more than a date to get in a girl's pants, and he never stays around any of the girls he's dated for very long. Got me worried about my baby sister.

Maria'sPOV

I can feel my big brother's icey breath on my neck so close that the big spic's gonna gimme frostbite around my hoops. Dang. I tried to calm him down; yeah I was talking to Jeff, yeah I'll prolly dance with him; but Jose should know better. I never let any boys take me out, and I like good boys like his friend Barny, and even Glandy's pretty cute. I'd prolly go out with him if he didn't have the HIV. Not that I'd ever give it up to a boy until we were like... engaged, but still, it'd be messed up dating a guy you're worried about dying. He is nice though. I am definitely gonna throw him a couple slow dances. Plus he can tango, few men can do that. Maybe I can convince him at prom.

I'm worried he's not happy enough with who he is. He smiles so big when he's praying, I'm glad he at least has God to comfort him.

And that Barny guy's really fun to flirt with, and he's definitely a good guy. Jose doesn't like me hanging around guys from that part of his life, but really he's more just a nice white boy I know from church. He's got a girl though, and I don't think he's the guy for me, but still he coulda been a fun date.

But I do not need Jose on me right now; I'm trying to stay off his radar lately. He's got enough goin' down between his kid coming and losing money on baby stuff and at the garage. I heard him and Tek fighting. I know Ninyo could kick his ass pretty easy, but Tek's the kinda guy to pull a knife like it's nothing. Jose's been cut before, but Tek's too proud to think he's second best in the crew. I'm worried he's gonna try a power move that's gonna really hurt Jose, or something else I don't even wanna think. I gotta make sure Italo's got our family first.

Tek's POV

Who's that punk think he is? Telling me I need to listen to him?! He's not the big boss on these streets. I got that. I run that. Not him. He's got the muscles and he runs the garage, but that kid's delirious if he thinks i'm gonna let him walk over me on drugs and let him budge into my spot in the Blood. I'm Blood in Blood out, forget him if he thinks cuz his brother's Italo that he gets some kinda family dynasty legacy bull and gets to take over.

That thing with the drug K9's wasn't my fault; he should be smarter than to say I fouled up there. I didn't know they were coming, and Jerry already put up the dough. We shouldn't have paid him back all that, Jerry should know that wasn't our deal. Fine, pay him back for the shipment, but give him a DISCOUNT!? Nah, that stupid white ass punk can suck it up and wait til we get more weed. He's been buying from me for a couple years, and that stupid wetback's worried that Jerry's gonna switch crews over one drug dog in our school? Nah, he's too scared to switch; Jerry's a dumb crackhead, but he knows what'd happen if he did me wrong. I'm the badass nigga his parents church group has nightmares about. And I'm not worried bout shit except my wallet.

And fine, I screwed up in the Viper, but I _got _us the goddamn ride. If it gets messed up that's on me, fine. But it's not like we can't fix it anyway, we own a fucking garage. And we were fine, we were on a straight road, not like we could have really rolled that beast.

Maybe Italo will have Jose first. That's got me a little nervous gotta admit. I been running with that cat for like four years, but blood's thicker than water right? Well maybe my Blood cred will be thick enough for him. Between my shipments and crew we more than doubled our up takes on our product. Listen to me, I sound like some old white suit. Still, Jose's good at what he's doing, not as good as me, but maybe E-lo (Italo) won't see it that way. Got me a bit nervous.


	8. Chapter 8

Glandy-

No one cares about the rocks in the river

no one cares about the trees in the winter

and no one cares for the individual sinner

as the whole group is suffering

why don't we? We need to give them to the king

And those rocks block the flow of living water

sin blocks the lord from our sons and daughters

And if you wait long enough, the trees give way to spring

And some day all the sinners will bow to our king

We know we should disciple the nations

We know we need to join with creation

to sing to sing

our praise to the king

And the whole human race

from the lost to the graced

longs for more than we are

like the wind or the stars

just like the wind we'll whisper his name

Just like the stars we'll shine with no shame

We're thanking Jesus for taking our blame

Thank you Jesus, our hero and our king

Why don't we all do our part

and stop telling the world they need to do theirs?

Care for the sinners ourselves

Show them why we should care

why we would dare, to sing as we share

the News, of Jesus our king

No one cares about the rocks in the river

no one cares about the trees in the winter

and no one cares for the individual sinner

as the whole group is suffering

why don't we? We need to give them to the king

And those rocks block the flow of living water

sin blocks the lord from our sons and daughters

And if you wait long enough, the trees give way to spring

And some day all the sinners will bow to our king

We know we should disciple the nations

We know we need to join with creation

to sing to sing

our praise to the king

No one cares about the rocks in the river

no one cares about the trees in the winter

and no one cares for the individual sinner

No one remembers that the cross had splinters

and that Jesus felt their pain,

that day he was slain

He died for you, he died for me

He died to show his Father glory

So why don't we?

We should live our lives to bring more people to the cross

because all who are found were once lost. **

I wrote that song last night while I stayed home from the prom. I had fun at church before the prom; they always throw a pre-prom party, and it was cool to see everyone there in their attire. I wore a tie and just hung out, played some bball with Barnes the Noble for a bit, talked with Marianna. She was sweet, tried to get me to come with to the dance. I don't have that kind of money and I didn't feel like dancing; it always makes me wish I could date. So as I looked outside and thought about all the things "normal" people miss I wrote that song. Part of me feels like I miss out on so much, but I know that the rest of the world misses out on so much of who God is.

I finally got my permit, and I'm actually insured! Ok, so I know most kids don't think about how cool it is to be insured; but it was a narrow victory for me with my AIDS. Especially since last year I had a sudden faint that lead to a week in the hospital. The insurance company was worried about me fainting again but my doctor was super cool and wrote them a detailed history on me. So I might actually get to drive alone someday. One more step on my bucket list.

Mel-

Prom... what a weird night. Maybe it's my homeschooled side, but they make a huge deal about a night that can't ever be that magical. My date was a junior that is in band with me. He's a trumpet player (I'm a drummer) that I don't know super well, but he's cute and Maria sad he's pretty nice.

He was nice, but... it was awkward. Not sure if it's my fault or his, but he wasn't even a good dancer. I didn't expect much, all I wanted was some slow dances and maybe a couple rap "close" songs. (ya know what I mean a couple grinding songs, nothing dirty) But he was very courteous, bought me a corsage and the whole nine. And he was nice, but I dunno.. The most fun part of the night was listening to Nelly's "Ride Wit' Me" and dancing with Maria.

I loved my dress though! It was a little tight when I decided I wanted it, but my new 2 meal a day diet along with my workouts helped out. It was worth the momentary pain; plus we had a great dinner before prom at Maria's place; so it's not like I'm starved.

I'm SOOOO excited! My oldest sis Marie and my best friend "Marvel" (her real name is Amanda, but we like her nickname) are gonna let me move in with them next semester. I'll be a full time IA State student, so I get to live off campus with them. As long as I keep my grades up, which is no problem for me cuz I'll have my easier language courses, I get independence and a fun couple girls who like to have fun! Yay.

Barny-

I loved prom! It wasn't like it is on "Saved By The Bell" or anything like that, but it was fun. Before we left we had a nice small party at Nena's best friend's place. Good steak, a fun conversation and I got to drive her around all night. I usually hate driving the big family suburban, but she liked it because it has more speakers than the Grand Prix, and is bigger and higher so her dress didn't scrunch up. I didn't really care, she kissed me a lot so I was good! Nena looked so gorgeous in her dress. I felt pretty cool in my shirt and tie even. I didn't wear my coat in cuz what's the point? It looks nice in the pictures, but it's so hot in there that I'd just take it off inside. It was safer in my car than my small locker I figured. I was secretly glad that we were with so many of our friends and had after prom plans; Nena was too into making out tonight. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE kissing her, but we made a deal to wait til we're married.

After prom we went back to Nena's house with my best friend and quarterback Dave and his girlfriend. Lots of snacks, I think it was LOTR that we watched, but honestly we were talking so much and I was kinda tired and hungry, so I didn't watch much. But it was cool. I'm in love with Nena, but I need to cool out and hang out with other people more I realized. I punched my door and cracked it a few weeks ago cuz mom wouldn't let me go out with her one night that I had to stay home with the dogs. So then I still couldn't go out, and there was a crack in my door. She's a good girl, but for some reason I'm not myself when I wanna be around her. I'm too dependent. That's why I like Dave; we intentionally "fight" with the girls so we can hang out together when we're double dating. I love our guy time, and I need it.

Cherish called me before prom, and left me a text later. I must have gotten it during dancing, but couldn't hear it. It was great to talk to her this afternoon. She was seeing if I'd be down for her brother Nick's graduation. She wanted to hang out. I gotta admit I missed her, and it was fun just to talk. She's getting into IA State's veterinary program, and she knows I'm looking at vet schools too. I was proud of her and had tons of fun talking about our random stories and what all was new.

I got another call that night. Ninyo wants me to go on a run with him tomorrow night. He knows my folks are outta town and needs his "best guy" to drive for him when he makes a delivery. If I do it he promised me any mod I want for the Chevelle. I'm ok with that; it's the 10 years if we get caught I'm not so happy about. I'm planning on driving the speed limit maybe one over so I'm not too conspicuous. I also get to drive the newext series BMW coupe, so that will be fun. After the drop we are gonna do a race, no Nos allowed, just driver to driver in the cities. I love that, just proving that it's not the mods that make me beat the guy next to me, or rather a lane behind me.

Maria-

I loved my dress, loved the pre- party at my half sister's house (tons of enchiladas and great music to start it off), I even loved the fact that E-Lo and Jose were around (and that they let me drive one of their Caddy's); but my date was too gangsta tonight. I like him most the time, but prom is about being ladies and gentleman, not a cocky punk hand slappin' everyone you know and showing off how cool you are. I was super jealous of Barny's date. He was so sweet! Yeah, they made out a little, but he held the doors, walked with her to the side when she was tired or wanted to talk. Mine was more concerned that everyone saw us dancing than about me. It was fun don't get me wrong becase I felt gorgeous and special, but I want a guy who will hold the door open and ask about my day.

I couldn't help but wonder why E-Lo is in town right now. He never liked this kinda stuff, the "lil kid" parties; so I'm wondering if he's here for illegal reasons again. I don't like when I see him on a suprise like this. Birthdays and holidays are good, but parties mean he's selling or gonna start something bad in the neighborhood. And I'm pissed at him for letting Jose get new tattoos, and maybe even making him. One of them is the same tear that E-Lo has. I hope it's the one that means nothing, not the one that means murder. I always get those mixed up, but I pray he realizes that E-Lo's life is stupid before he gets in jail.

Cherish-

I loved prom. We all kinda spread out, us girls, before prom; but we had lots of fun together once we were there and after. Dad actually let us each take a car even though he hates when, "there's lots of kids out drinking and doing drugs and driving like idiots." But I loved it. I didn't really have a date, but a bunch of us went together and danced and had fun at Perkins beforehand.

Maybe that's why I called Chris before the dinner; we used to have a fling and I thought he'd be a great date. But we kept it light on the phone; I know he has a girl and I'm not the type to even put the idea of cheating or leaving someone for me into a guy's head. But it was fun to just chat. We have a lot to catch up on and a ton in common, so we're also just great friends.

Mel's scaring me. She's only 16, but she's almost 23 the way she acts. She's bored with highschool boys, or so she says, and she's already so vain and even her moving in with Marvel scares me. Marvel's cool and semi-responsible, and even my closest friend, but I'm nervous that her weekly partying will seep into Mel.

Oh, I wrote a new song today too. It's just about how I'm nervous about the rest of life, but I know that God's got me no matter what. I played it for Andrew, who I still refuse to call Glandy, and he loved it. He's gonna help me with chords later.

E-Lo-

I went to that prom party tonight. I had to be careful so our old gramma wouldn't catch me swapping some dope, but I made about 400 just at that. The real reason I was there was for the WSU basketball game. I don't give half a shit about the town or the team, but I do love those damn meth heads that go to that kinda stuff. I can sell all the meth I had stashed up, plus a ton of weed and coke on top of it to the towny kids. That brought me in an easy 2.5 k. Go Warriors! Ha, the more those assholes keep winning, the more parties need me to facilitate.

Tek's pissed off because I pushed my brother to the front of the line tonight for who takes over the town's operations when I'm not there, but if he knew how hard my big lil bro bleeds in for us; he'd have no issues.

Tek-

I can't believe that E-Lo dropped me as number one. I guess I shoulda seen it coming, Jose's his half brother and all that shit, but dammit I've been puttin in _work _for that s.o.b. I by myself brought in 800 tonight before the parties even started. I want somethin better than all this bullshit. I work hard, but for what? To take the fall for E-Lo when the cops catch up? I could run the garage and make enough to live on and more, and not have to risk all this.

Jose-

Started out just as planned, E-Lo came for the prom party and even managed to tell Maria she looked pretty in between selling meth to highschoolers. I was a little upset I didn't go to prom, but Tina and I need the money for the baby; and even though I made more than enough to cover a ticket tonight, she can't dance anyway. She's about a month away from having my son. My son! Nana's being so cool about all this; she even helped me plan out a room for the kid. She even signed for me so I can legally be the sole adoptive parent of Michael when he's born. Mikey, he's got a name and I've got someone to live for. I gotta keep my head on when we're out tonight. The crips will wanna take me out, along with cops and random violent cokeheads.

And that was my exact thought when I saw the lights in our mirror. E-Lo was going about 5 over in town, and didn't wanna pull over. There was a full duffle in the back and he didn't wanna take the chance of a cop giving more interest in our car than a simple speeding ticket.

He took off, handed me his glock and took out his sawn off from the duffle. He ordered me to shoot if he got too close. I needed Barny, I needed Glandy, I needed... God. This was the first time I questioned E-Lo. I was not about to shoot a cop. Barny could outrun anyone, I needed him. Glandy wouldn't have let me be there in the first place. And God... I just prayed that he would keep me safe; from E-Lo and from the cops.

The lights pulled next to us; I couldn't hear the bullhorn over E-Lo's rap station, but I knew it wasn't good. I looked away, hoping he'd just stop chasing; but I think he saw the gun in E-Lo's hand. He pulled back, got behind us to pull back around with his own weapon loaded and ready I think.

Italo, my own brother, mi hermano put the barrel of that beast to my neck, "Don't you dare hesitate. He's a fucking cop, you see his gun and you pull that goddamn trigger you got me?"

So I had to. Shaking, the first time I pulled a gun on anyone who wasn't a gangster, and only the third time I'd pulled one at all. the first time I had to fire. I tried to just shoot out the tire, but E-Lo slammed on the breaks and pressed the barrel harder into my neck. I pulled, instinct pulling the gun up. One shot, straight through the window, all I saw was blood before we sped off to escape the partners and the rest of the squad that would no doubt be after us.

I wasn't sure until the news that he was dead. I barely had any comfort in the fact that no pictures or vehicle description made it on. I scrubbed with bleach and a wire brush all over my hand to get that CSI evidence about gun shots off of me. I prayed for forgiveness that night. I wasn't sure if I wanted out or deeper in. I just wanted to bury myself away from this. Either get in so deep like E-Lo that no one would look for me, or get out comepletely.

Then came the tattoo on my face. The tear mark for my first Blood kill. A cop kill. A good cop, a nice guy with a wife and kids. Kids... he had a son.

I can't let Mikey grow up without a dad.


	9. Chapter 9

CHAPTER 9!

(last week "Glandy" wrote a song, the actual song was written and recorded by Barny88, and will eventually be changed more, but can be found here, .com/Barny88, along with all the rest of the songs with specific lyrics)

Barny-

I asked him if he was gonna come hang out with Glandy and I tomorrow for another game of Axis and Allies with some other guys, but all I got out of Jose that night was, "Ask me in a couple weeks." He was upset or driven about something, and it was something too frightening to tell me. E-Lo messed him up this week. I wasn't sure I wanted to press the issue, but new tats the day after he was hanging out with that moron kinda freak me out.

All he said the rest of the night was where to drive. He didn't even respond when I asked why we were in Tek's Viper instead of the low-key Beamer. He was a bit spaced out, so I didn't ask again. I was just glad to drive this beauty. Tek never let anyone drive his car, especially since the whole near death experience from the last time we were in a Viper. I wasn't even sure that Tek was allowing this or not, but who was I to care! HA. And I wasn't about to question Jose. I could tell he was putting his brass knuckles on and then sliding them off over and over on his right hand against the passenger door. He was edgy.

I heard the siren before I even knew there was a cop by me. I mentally punched myself for not checking my gauges and my surroundings, 'Rookie move, Spang!' I thought to myself. But then again, I wasn't speeding, I hadn't been tailgating, swerving, there was no Nos in the car to begin with; so why would I be getting pulled over? I slowed down, letting the cop pass; he didn't.

"Pig ran our plates. This is why I got you Barnes. Punch it." He tried to sound cool, but Ninyo's breathing had shortened up, eratic. I saw a service road on the left. I'd have to drift into a U-turn, but I could make it and probably ditch him in a couple turns. I turned off the radio now, I wanted to hear how far behind me the siren was. Took one big breath, and whipped it.

Glandy-

I was half-glad when I found out Jose "couldn't" come to Axis and Allies tomorrow. That meant more time I got to spend with my brother before he goes to camp next week for the whole summer. I was going to a camp too, but my terminally ill group didn't start for three more weeks, and I'd miss him. Torrin was a great kid, and for some reason we weren't as close as I'd want to be. So it was gonna be Chris, Torrin, Chris' friends Josh and Chase, and myself. I claimed the Axis for Torrin and I. We'd team up and take on the other three. i knew it was cheap, leaving Chris at a slight disadvantage because his buddies didn't know my style, but I figured the only way to have a fair fight was to go head to head with my best friend. He'd be U.S. I was sure of it, which left me with Japan. Barny sucks at sea zone battles, so I'd take him out that way as long as he doesn't take out any other land zone or build too many planes. He tends to stock up and play for later, so if I take him out quick I'll be fine.

Ok, I get it, I'm a nerd. Deal with it. I also was working on Cherish's new song. She writes beautiful poetry, and she can sing really well, but she had no sense of musical direction on this one. Just good, honest, thought provoking words.

Return my innocence back to the Year of the Lamb

I gotta rock every day for the Great I AM

and not live for that great big Satan scam

I wanna live a pure life all other things can scram

Release the floodgates of the heavenly dam

Lord and flood the whole city flood the whole land

Scripture's filled with Truth for your whole clan

more numbered are God's blessings then the beaches have sand

Lord recall my first prayer and gimme that heart

help me remember I've been set apart

and even as I walk in the dark

for you, it's a walk in the park

Lord I'm no longer that hardcore thug

I got heart now I'm more hardcore for hugs

I don't got all the answers, yes I've thrown some shrugs

but you gave the book of life to gimme the answers

and when I read your scriptures I feel like a dancer

Prancer, Dasher, Vixen, Comet, Cupid, Donner, Blitzen

I remember when I thought that Santa was real

and believed with a full heart when I ate the Lord's meal

back to the innocence I had as a child

I haven't seen it in a while.

I now dismiss your words and Lord I'm so guilty

please clean your servant Lord, I know I'm filthy

but I know that because of you I'm made clean

and that Your plans for me will be seen

by the world, whether far reaching our just close

I Thank you Lord for sending your Holy Ghost

and for changing my plea

I thank the Lord for protecting me

and giving me the ability to say I'm innocent.

Return my innocence Lord; and help me find a way to

renew my heart andrestore my mind

Return my innocence, dear Lord, I plead,

and help me forget about my past deeds

cuz I still feel the weight of the things I've done

Rescue me, lord, the pressure weighs a ton

Help me remember the war's been won

andthe sacrifice you made as God's own Son

to say I'm innocent** (song can be found .com/Barny88 It's called Return Final or .?key=370108A8D4EF0545)

It made me wonder why she'd have to beg for that kind of innocence. I always pictured her as a nice girl. But I gladly found a soft piano riff to go under it. It begs piano, not my normal guitar solo style. She also wanted Barny to rap on it. That was weird too, but the more I wrote the more I could picture it.

I loved being a musical guy. No matter what's happening out there, no matter how many needles, tests, pills, classes, gossip, no matter what music gives me a complete escape. Music, in any form for me, is the closest I get to being normal; the closest I feel to my Lord. I'm a tool, and I love constructing.

Jose-

I was nervous. I don't _get_ nervous. I'm the ape; I'm supposed to bring the pain. I should be calm even when I'm in the middle of it. But Barny hadn't been speeding until half a second ago on that U-y, and I did shoot a....

I'm shaking. Literally shaking. Like a crack fiend on withdrawal. I wish I had a way out. Should I just take the bag and run? Let Barny keep driving to throw off the scent? No, if he gets caught alone he'll be screwed. Stolen car parts, aiding and abedding. Chris is a good kid; I can't let him go down for my faults.

Did we lose him? Chris is patting my shoulder, what'd he just say? Are we outta the woods or is he hitting me to get my attention? Why didn't I hear him? My blood's rushing to my brain and through my chest, my arm's numb. Did I get shot! Am I flashing out?

"Jose, let's park this thing in the shop and take the pathway to your place. Ditch the stash in the locker at the shop right?" Oh, he hadn't even said anything yet. I'm fine. Smart idea. Barny has it together and I'm freaking out! How does that happen. I just nod and we get out. We see two cops zip by on the highway about 8 blocks up and going the wrong way a bit too fast to catch us. We're good, clear. Clean. We got what we left for, and didn't get locked up. Tek will get a wreckless driving ticket later, but I'll just pay it for him. He'll be mad, but he's the fall guy. The guy just dirty enough to be our scape goat, and not dirty enough to do time. They won't be able to get a warrant yet for anything, and by the time they do I'll make sure the shop is combed over for anything illegal.

We only get caught for what they can prove, and never for what they think we're doin. And I got to lay low for a good few months before they see my new tat. One of those cops has to know what that tear means eventually.

Did I think I was gonna die tonight? More than once. Did I think I was going to jail? For half a second, but I figured I'd run for a week before they caught me. Do I wanna get deeper in this game? I did for one moment, but the smarter side of me thinks less of this and more of the legitimate businesses would be much better for my life right now. I have to provide and live. I gotta get safe, or get out.

Mel-

I love Marvel. She's letting me drink at a party she's taking me to tonight. She's also letting me just eat veggies and a little bread today all day before the party. "I get that, beer and drinks have tons of carbs. Gotta keep that hott figure of ours right!" She even told me that drinking a lot of water beforehand will help fill me up. I never even thought to just fill up on water and carrots all day. I might have an apple too just for flavor. Or maybe just an apple pie shot when we get there. ha!

I LOVE this house. Merlin does too; my lil puppy just hides in my room most of the day unless he's gotta run outside to potty. We're similar that way lately. Only leave the room if we have to. I've been a hermit until something awesome is happening or I have class. I didn't even wanna go to class last week; I fainted it was so hot in there.

Marvel's boyfriend really got me some good drinks! And the music is tremendous. I also think I got too drunk; I had some weed tonight for the first time. I didn't get high I don't think, but I felt pretty cool. Tomorrow there's another party, and the boys want to drag race. I'm so ready to make them cry.

E-Lo-

Those damn blue handkerchief wearing punks think they got _me?_ I'm E-Lo dammit. Selling product on my end of town, who do they think they are? That's what I get for letting other people handle my business. When I was in Gorin this crap never happened; blues stayed where they belong. I sell the high end crap, they sell to the nickle and dime trash. What does this fool think he's doin runnin up on me? Shit, kid doesn't even know who I am. He's about to know.

*One shot, that's all it takes when the punk doesn't know it's comin'. Got him right in the goddamn skull. Thinkin I'm gonna buy his lame crap or their rotten damn weed. Dammit, those smurfs need to stay on their property and quit sellin too close to my boys' spots. I had to give them that lesson. One less smurf makes the world a damn better place. Good thing I was in my car though. I shouldn't do that kinda shit on my own. God damn smurfs couldn't hit nothin' one on one, but you get enough bullets aimed at my ride, I'm bound to get hit. I might never have gone to math class, but even I know probability of that shit gettin' to me one day.

I gotta call my brother now, make sure they're all strapped up just in case that blows back at 'em. It shouldn't; back when I was still here full time goddamn smurfs never sought one of us out unless they wanted to beg for mercy or buy our worthless product. But If that young buck was dumb enough to walk straight up to my car then maybe I overstepped my bounds. I sure as hell hope my boys have been more productive than to let these dumb crips take over my town. I'm a good mile or two away now anyway.

Whatever, it won't matter as long as they're strapped. Besides, I already knocked one off. Ha, suckers.

Where's my damn phone? Shit, how does it always roll under the passenger seat? I wish I had Ninyo's monkey arms, could grab that cell without even bending down. Ha, kid's some kinda mixbreed ape I'm sure of it.

Dammit, boy better learn to answer his damn phone when I call him. Voicemail shit ain't gonna cut it when the big boss calls.

"Ninyo, call your boys to your shop. I knocked the smurfs down one, just make sure we keep that number low. They were sellin' right over by where your Gramma used to live over on fourth. What the hell? How did they find me, shit! I'm gonna be between 3rd and 11th, send some boys out here NOW. I'm takin' heat."


	10. Chapter 10

Jose-

I'm all alone in the shop. I'm blaring some Christian heavy metal that Barny gave me. It's kinda awesome actually. They play songs really well, and they rip into my heart. I've listened to this same one over and over by this band Red. "Hey you! Look what ya do to me/ ya bend and ya bruise me.... You can't have me any more (BOOM!) you can't have me anymore/ You can't have me LET GOOOOOOOOOOO!" The scream really links up with me. It makes me wanna get in a fight, but the kind of once in a lifetime fight to end all fights. They're fighting the devil I think, and they have such confidence that they can take him on. It makes me wanna punch out my brother, Tek, the bloods, the crips, the rednecks, all of my personal demons. I can kinda hear my phone, but I don't care right now. I think I'm praying. I don't wanna do this crap for much longer, but I'm not sure what else I'd do. I want more than just the garage, and the "purpose" behind dealing isn't really motivation to go any higher.

I keep working on the tire rotation I got today. Hoping that something drops into my lap. Wondering if Glandy's right about me being able to go to church after all. I can't go to any catholic ones in town, but his actually seems cool.

I have some extra cash, maybe after Mikey's born I can do some kinda night class thing. and work during the day. Who am I kidding? I'll have bills for him, and I'll wanna have some fun time with my friends. I just need some way out that will give me some reason to live... Wait! Mikey! I can do more stuff for him, slowly back out of the gang; something like that might work. Just weasel my way down. Could work, but at the same time I know there are times when all I wanna do is hustle.

Phone's beepin' again. Voicemail. Is there anything more annoying than a voicemail when you got stuff to do? Just text me or I can see that you called. I hate logging into the whole thing, putting in my password, listening to people's drawn out explanations of what will be happening that night, blah blah. Here's what I do; I text, "Wanna hang out?" and then just see if they text back. I'll call if I wanna talk, but I HATE voicemail. Gah, I should listen to it, could be Nana or Tina that need something. E-lo? What the hell, he never calls me on his personal phone. Whatever, might as well see what he wants being as how he's still runnin my game.

He sounds out of breath, nervous:

Ninyo, call your boys to your shop. I knocked the smurfs down one, just make sure we keep that number low. They were sellin' right over by where your Gramma used to live over on fourth. What the hell? How did they find me, shit! I'm gonna be between 3rd and 11th, send some boys out here NOW. I'm takin' heat.

I drop the phone, I could hear shots blastin before I got the dial tone. He called me three minutes ago. That's three minutes I left him out cold. Quick I yell into the back of the shop at Tek to mount up, and I grab my own keys and phone as I tell him what's up. He starts drivin while I call E-Lo's boy to get him on the phone with everybody. We're starting a war.

It's too late. Before we even get within a block of his ride I can see the mass of cops and bystanders around the new class beamer. I could even see the blue paint on the side. Prick that shot my brother tagged "E-low" upside down, disrespect for my homie, but he also tagged "615TooA" next to it. I recognized that tag. A crip in the big cities used to tag that over our buildings to scare us into thinkin we were on his turf. Now that same asshole put my brother in a bag. I saw the body bag being lifted into the back of the ambulance, like it made some kinda difference. There musta been five clips in the chassis of his ride, I'm sure he took more than twenty in the chest. What the hell set this off? We haven't had a battle with those pricks in a year or two, least not that ended fatal. Now they gon' run up on a boss? That's not even right, not smart neither. Wars bring in feds, feds bring in more guns and the war turns in three directions. But before it could get to that level; Tek and I were gonna take a few more names of the Crip roster, startin with the guy that took out my brother. I punched the dashboard, it cracked under the pressure, and I didn't even realize I'd been cryin til I looked at what I'd done and saw the blurriness from the tears. I sucked it up, cursed loudly and looked away from Tek.

"Don't even worry about it, he's your brother, I'd let a few drops out too if he was my bro. And I'm sure I'll do that later anyway. But for now I gotta drive, you just tell me where to go Jose."

Tek hadn't used my real name in a long time, and he sure never let me call the shots in awhile. But this was different, this was that moment to let it all loose. And not even Tek denied that this was my fight. This was my turn to get some vengeance. I was gonna be the new leader, and it was time to get my fury.

"Go back to the shop, we gotta get some more ammo, some more guys, and make a few more calls to our city boys to let em know what's goin down. But first, pull over at my Nana's house, E-Lo left me the keys to his unknown ride there, I'll take that so we don't get caught too quick aiight?"

Mi hermana thinks I'm delirious, or playing a cruel joke. "I just saw him ten minutes ago, Jose. That can't be him you saw." Even after I tell her about the voicemail she denies it. She hated the guy he was, but doesn't want him gone anymore than I do. She storms off to her room, trying to act tough but I can hear her crying from her room. I'm not sure if I should go after her to hug her or just leave her. My head's tellin' me to 'comfort her later, you can't get caught up here with her when you gotta go plan the next battle.'

Nana's crying too. She wasn't E-Lo's grandma so it seems weird to me. E-Lo and my dad were the same dude, but Nana was my mom's mom. I didn't know what to do so I just grabbed the keys and lied to her, "I gotta go for a drive or something Nana, clear my head about all this shit."

"Don't swear. And don't you dare lie to me. I know where you're going, what you're planning. I can't tell you I condone it, but I also can't tell you I blame you for it. I'm not crying for Italo, I'm crying for you, Jose. I'm crying because I know you're about to get deeper in this mess your brother created for you. Don't get stuck in this shithole of a life. You can be something better. And don't you dare get caught or killed tonight. I'm supposed to be next in the obituary, not you." She patted me on the shoulder and walked out.

She knew that I felt like I had to do this, but somehow thought she could talk me out of it. It's too late, now's the time. But she was right, I couldn't get caught, and I didn't wanna have a chance to get hit back. I had to call Barny to drive me, just this once.

Marianna

The stupid idiot! I knew he was back here to do something stupid. He tells me he loves me and just wanted to see me for prom, but I knew he was lying to me the whole damn time. I wanted to trust him, he makes me smile and feel like I was somebody more than most the guys around here, even Jose. I mean he made me smile. I don't wanna believe it, I even just swore at Jose about it like it was his fault. Italo got Jose into this, not the other way around. I should apologize to him later; I would now but I can barely see to stand up. Mascara running down my face, but I can't even muster up the effort to wipe it off. I have to send a text to my work friend, 'My brother died, tell july that i cant b work' Normally I don't shorthand and I'd correct the spelling of "Julie" but I had better things to do. I sent another text to Andrew, hoping "Glandy" can somehow talk sense into the rest of the boys.

I half cry half groan for my Nana like I have the flu. She comes in and just hugs me, and I can feel her rosary against my back while we both cry and pray for Italo's soul like somehow it'll make a difference. Like our penetance for him will count to the judge. She's crying for me, and the fact that I'm a protestant now isn't helping. I'm crying because I'm pretty sure he's in hell, and because my only other brother is next in line.

I hear the BMW leaving the driveway and I know that Jose is on his way to do harm. I just hope the harm isn't done to our family anymore.

Glandy

"Havin' a hard time breathin/ but I ain't leavin' until I know what I believe in" That Lecrae song can't leave my mind. "Death Story" played over and over in my head like my iTunes was set to repeat. It seemed a fitting prayer song for Italo. I'd only met him once and my only hope was that he heard the voice of God in that last moment before the bullets struck.

I kept praying, but I felt like I needed to do something. Someone was compelling me to reach out to Jose and the others. I grabbed my phone and started to instinctively dial Melody, but then my finger just stopped moving. I hit the back button then started Cherish. Same thing. So I called Jose, wondering if somehow God wanted me to reach him before another chalkine found it's way to another Santana. I called him but got his voicemail. Knowing he'd never check it I instead sent a simple text, "Praying for you. You should do the same before letting anything continue."

I turned on my iTunes and actually played the Lecrae song I was already hearing in my head. I started to tear for Marianna, and for her family, and Jose. I also cried because I felt like God was telling me to do more for the people on this side of eternity that I knew weren't Christians yet. I'd been turning a blind eye toward Jose; and I'd do that no more.

"Text Chris." The voice was clear, to the point. I wasn't exactly sure what to say, and why a text was better than a call, but i told him over a text what happened, and to pray, and stall if needed.

Barny

"Barny, I need you. How soon can you get here? I need a driver." I knew he meant it, he took the time to look up my home number. My cell doesn't work out here and I was pretty sure that was the only number he had. My folks were gone still but I wasn't sure I wanted to see Jose, he sounded off.

"What's wrong brother?"

"Just get here." I could hear his phone click close, kind of shocked that he didn't give me time to really answer. But he sounded serious, and it was only 6pm so I figured it was alright to do especially when I didn't have school tomorrow and the folks wouldn't be home til Sunday.

I grabbed my hat, threw on my shoes and drove to the garage. Somehow I just knew that's where he was.

"Where we going Ninyo?" I smile and ask as I lean against Babygirl.

"Cities, and we're taking this." He throws me the keys to Italo's BMW, completely stone faced and serious. I've only seen him like that a couple times, and it was when he was going into some of the bareknuckle matches at the races. He was about to kick someone's ass.

"Big race or our other thing?" (Other thing meaning I drive, he deals, and we all get home safe.)

"Something else Barnes, just drive." Had he been crying? Nah, not that ape, not Jose. So I drove, not really knowing where to go other than north. About ten minutes in I felt my phone vibrate, I grabbed it quick. Normally I'd throw it to Jose and have him read me what it said because I hate texting while I drive. I looked at him, but I couldn't tell if he was just laying back or asleep. I flipped it open and saw what Glandy had to say. "Barny, Jose's brother got shot, don't let him do anything we'll all regret." I let out a sigh, hoping Jose really is asleep, and start driving slightly more west, toward the city were my brother lives. I just wanted to keep us moving, but not go near the thugs I was sure Ninyo was out to get.

–-----

Couple hours later and he woke up. At first it startled me, but I had a plan. Rubbing his eyes for a second, trying to make me think it was sleepers and not tears he was getting at. Then he saw the sign for what city we were in, and I could see his anger building. "What the hell are you doing Barny! The cities are north, not northEAST." I pulled into a parking lot and tossed him my phone.

"So you're gonna kidnap me because Glandyator doesn't want us to get revenge?"

"No, because I know you deserve revenge, but this isn't how to do it. You kill him and it's over, but if we play this smart we can get him charged, put him away forever. Make him suffer in a cell to get him ready to suffer in hell. That way no one else gets killed, or arrested, and Nana and your fam can all rest easy."

"What do you have in mind, and seriously it better work, none of that cowboy movie bullcrap."

The next day in the news there was a story about a 2004 Nissan exploding on the street when an illegal Nos tank overheated and blew the car onto the sidewalk. The flames caused neighbors to call the police. The owner of the vehicle, Andre Johnson, was then charged with criminal possession and intent to sell of a large amount of narcotic, and the murder of Italo Santana after a police investigation led to photos of the crime scene and several photos of Johnson spray painting the same graffiti that was found on Santana's vehicle the day of the murder.

Jose smiled. So did the rest of us. Even Nana was "proud of whomever happened to cause that, even if it was Jesus." Andre got 25 to life, without the possibility of parol for the murder, and an additional 12 for the drugs, and another 5 months for the Nos and fire charges.

"I'll be there in 30 years when he's up for parol to remind him why he should just stay in," Jose said stone faced just before laughing loudly and giving me some knucks.


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11 All about Mikey!

JPOV-

She's called me like 50 times the past two days- but she's due in three weeks so I've been answering and being her grocery boy. But I'd be lying if I told you I didn't take my sweet time getting her chocolate and grannysmith apples- both from very specific- and very far away- stores. For a hoodrat my baby momma's taste was fucking 5 star quality. But here she was again- 4 in the afternoon calling me. I already drove her around everywhere; and even today I took her to her best friend's place for some girl movie marathon and bought her some Cool Ranch chips. She **knows** I got almost three hours of work left, and I don't have time to get her or whatever she wants.

I go back to a sketch that Barny and Glandy drew up of a car they wanna build some day- and think about what a Yenko frame would look like with a sword welded into the front hood and these graphics of medieval shit on the side. At first I thought they were just being crazy nerdy white kids- but this sketch looks tight.

I didn't answer so she texts; maybe she does know me. I drop the sketch, pick up the wrench I need for the new block in Tek's ride, and glance at what she wants. "Mercy H. BABY NOW!"

Mercy h? HOSPITAL! BABY! MIKEY!

HOLY SHIT! I drop the wrench, yell to Tek and grab my keys. I start look all around- making sure I'm not forgetting anything like the crazy dads on TV.

I remember that the bag is in the back of the SS, take a breath, and find the Pepsi I had stashed at the back of the fridge- open it and hit the starter on the car. I must be jittery as I start to pull out cuz Marianna even laughs at me. "You ok Donkey Kong?" Subtle- I'm an ape.

"GET IN! Somethin's up with the kid!"

17 hours later I have a newborn in my arms: Michael Timothy. He's a big baby, but still in my arms I can't help but be freaked out that one wrong flex could break him. The last 9 months- especially this last one- have been harsh on me, but this kid, MY kid, is worth it. He's just staring at me with his big brown eyes. Fluffy little hair and fingers so tiny his whole hand couldn't wrap around one of my fingers. My son. My first and only kid. Mikey. I just wanna get him home and start giving him all the best things I can. Kinda makes me feel selfish but I almost don't want anyone else to hold him. Everyone's here but only Mikey matters.

Nana's already slinging all of her spanish and Catholic stuff- she wants her great grandson to be a true Latino Catholic. "You need to choose some godparents for him," and when I turn to Marianna she reminds me that my sister is already the aunt- and that's "enough honor for her- choose your friends chico."

Marianna, Glandyator, Barnyard, and even Melody are here- I forgot she was coming up to see the guys this summer.

"Glandy, brother, I want you to be the kid's godfather."

"What? You sure, Jose?" He looks hesitant- like I should choose someone else. It's an honor thing for him; I can see in his eyes Glandy wants Mikey to have someone that will be alive for awhile- and Glandy's afraid of letting us down.

"G- no matter how long you're here I know you will teach him some cool stuff. And I want my son to know about God and stuff, and I'm not the guy to teach him that yet."

I hand Nana her baby boy and her face lights up like it's the best gift in the world. She literally cries and I can hear something about _Dios_ as I move to hug G. Marianna give me a hug right after and a kiss on the cheek before she tickles Mikey's tummy. "Ninyo just make the gringa that godmother- I wanna enjoy being the aunt without all that pressure." I had only talked to Melody 5 times since that weekend she came to see the guys, just on myspace and when she happened to be on the phone with Barnes when I was around I'd say hi; but for whatever reason I felt like she could make a good godmom, and without speaking I smiled and turned to her. "Are you kidding? Yes puhLEAZE! And I call dibs after Nana and aunt Mari get their turn."

I have a new family, and hopefully it'll lead to a new life away from all the bullshit.

Marianna-

I'm an aunt! YES! More than once on the way over I was worried that we were gonna cause an accident the way mi hermano drives all over the place, but I wasn't about to correct him since I wanted to see the baby just as bad.

I might hate her, but damn I felt bad for Tina. 17 hours? That had to be painful, and Mikey had a big head, and it seemed bigger with that little puff of fro on his head. Aww he has a little afro! He's flippin gorgeous, cutest baby I've ever seen. I cannot WAIT to spoil the crap out of him.

Nana's not even thinking about giving up holding the child, so rather than sit and wait I take stock of who's there. I'm glad he picked Mel as godmom, she's pretty fun and seems to have her head on straight. But I was kinda shocked when he asked Andrew, but I think he's right. Andrew's a solid man, and he will pray for and teach Mikey whatever he possibly can before he's gone. Jose's got a new family- maybe now we can all just start being normal.

BPOV-

Mel's here once again! Glandyator and I have the great fortune of driving her from the train station back to his house, blaring some boy bands and just being kids. It's great to see her, but I'm still sad that Cherish isn't with us til next week. Glandy's brother Torrin is setting up some Axis and Allies back at their place for us, and I know Mel's gonna make us some "Spang" tonight. It's a pasta dish with chicken and and apple/red wine sauce a friend of mine named after me since it's the first "fancy" dish that I liked of his. Glandy's beaming- leaning over from the back so he can ask Mel all about college and her plans to go to Spain later this summer, and Mel asks us both about going to camp and my mission trip to France and London. Glandy's excited to tell her all about his new role as a counselor this year, and his plans about teaching the gospel to his campers. It's cool to see him really getting involved with God now; he even brings God up around Jose now.

Glandy's phone chirps and I turn down the radio but keep talkin to Mel til he slaps my arm. "Get to Mercy right now dude! We're gonna be uncles!"

You see this kid? Four minutes old and he's already got every cute girl he knows lining up to kiss him. Glandy and I both laugh at my comment and slap five hug each other. This kid's gonna be the coolest ever. I'm glad Jose gave the Godfather title to my man; I'll have fun just being the cool uncle.

GPOV

I'm a godfather. That's... craziness! I'm linked to a family, albeit a crazily abnormal one; but heck so is my family! I don't have a dad, and this kid's gonna feel like he has three between Jose, Barnes, and me. O shoot, speaking of family I should text Torrin and let him know we'll be late and to get a ride here if he wants to see my godson. It still makes no sense. I mean.. I could be uncle Andy and still give the kid guidance until, ya know, God calls me home. Barny should be godfather, he'll be around for at least most of Mikey's life. Michael- the angel- it's perfect for this one. He's angelic and good right now, but I know that being Jose's son will give him that same powerful drive that the angel who will one day lock up Satan has. I love my godson already, and I wish I could just pour all the good things of my soul into him. Barny and Torrin are gonna have an advantage on me tonight- I'm gonna be distracted during our game.


	12. Chapter 12

Torrin's POV-

"You come to me with scars on your wrist/ you tell me this will be the last night feeling like this... This is the last night you'll spend alone, I'll wrap you in my arms and I won't let go.. I'm everywhere you need me to be." I wish that I had someone like that for me. The skillet song* that Andy lent me just isn't resonating or relating in my mind right now. God doesn't seem like someone that can rescue me from who I feel, but more like a guy I can just be broken in front of, or someone I don't wanna be around right now when I feel like I'm not worth much; more like in the song "Confessions" by my favorite band, Red**. "I confess I'm always afraid, always ashamed of what's inside me, I confess I'm always afraid, always ashamed of what's inside my head." Now that's how I feel. I don't feel like God is there, I don't feel like he even cares. I don't doubt his existence, just how much he cares. If he cares then he surely doesn't about me; I'm always taking a backseat, and Andy's always in the limelight. And it seems that God would favor Andy over me, which makes sense I guess. But you'd think that if God does favor and love Andy as much as Andy loves God that God might not be a punk and heal my brother. I'm ashamed of it, but I think God is just playing a game of The Sims just like you or I would. That's right, let's put all the characters in the pool then take out the ladders and see what happens.

I burned my arm again today, that's my fifth mark this week. I don't know why I feel so down but Andy's sick again, Mom doesn't know if she can come to the musical this week (which I'm in) because she might have to pick up another shift or be at Mayo with my brother. Yep, Andy's sick, so let's do whatever we can to "take care of our family." That means I need to swallow it up. But my lighter reminds me that I'm a person too, not just some robot my family pulls out to say a few words to every day, or to pass the gravy at dinner and do the laundry. I find that spot up by my elbow and wait til it's about to blister and then let the flame die before I grab the scarring skin and squeeze til I lose my breath completely. "You're still human Torrin," the words seem to sizzle out from my arm just like when you drop a sausage on the grill.

Yeah, I have the musical this week. Andy and I talked about it last night during his 3 am wake up. He's happy that I can sing, he loves playing his guitar more than anything, but often he's too sick or sore to sing. So he's got me. He bought tickets to come see the show but I don't know if he'll actually be able to come. He's the only one that seems to care, but he's to hurt to even be there.

*.com/watch?v=1XCvXyhYLSE

** .com/watch?v=wPl1c-VDszE

MelodyPOV

"I am beautiful" - Christina Aguilera... dammit whoever thought some prissy little Mickey Mouser would ever try to speak to my soul. I wish I could listen to the words and believe them, but I do love how the first thing she says is "don't look at me." I'm so used to being the freak, the nerd. Poindextress. So I sing this song over and over- both cuz it's in my range and because I'm trying to believe it. I was so fucking pissed at Cherish for telling mom and dad that I've been skipping meals. I'm glad she didn't know how I've gotten rid of the meals I do eat. Dad was pissed. Not the military kinda pissed I had expected, but the "Dammit why is this happening to the daughter I love" kind of pissed. Marie- my eldest sister thought she could help me feel better by showing me pictures of celebrities that wear the same size as me. I got down to a size 4 dress size depending on the company and so she's showing me people like Halle Berry and Angelina Jolie thinking it'll help. I just see every other quality they have that I don't. And the fact that they wear sizes bigger than other celebs is cuz they have bigger curves than I do. I'm a fucking flat chested baby. Flat, but I still feel big. I wear the same size as someone with giant tits like Angelina! Yeah.. big confidence booster. Thanks Marie.

I dunno what to think anymore. My sister's are hott, boys fall all over them. Cherish has curves, Marie has a husband, and here I am.. the middle one. Bethany doesn't even count- she's 5. Damn, now that makes me remember that even mom's getting action. 14 years between kids? Just ease up! Maybe that's my Irish side- I'm always insanely horny and I just wanna be loved and the only person who even cuddles with me or anything is Marvel my roommate! She even kissed me at a party last week. And not just a peck.. It felt amazing. We made out for awhile, at first just cuz guys were watching. No guy even really hit on me all night; just asked me if I was a lesbian. After awhile I got sick of the same conversation about having a threesome and went outside and smoked a blunt with her. Guys are assholes. I'm a virgin after all. So I kissed my roommate! Katy Perry did it and no one thought she swung for the home team. I just wanna be pretty enough to get a guy on my own. At least Marvel tells me I'm hott and sweet before she kissed me.

Jose-

Many Men wish death upon me, blood in my eye dog and I can't see. I'm tryna be what I'm destined to be, and niggas tryna take my life away. I put a hole in a nigga for fuckin with me, my back on the wall … I let 50 Cent's song drown out my own thoughts as I raise the SS up. I hate how every line of this song is hitting me, and how another line of Fiddy's got me revved up earlier "shouldn't throw stones if you live in a glass house, and if you got a glass jaw- you should watch your mouth." Bloods are talking shit around me, saying I've gone soft and can't hang with them anymore. Saying I should give back the garage to the crew so they can launder money through it rather than keep it 100% legitimate. They say E-lo would help out the gang, E-lo would let them put drug money into car parts, E- lo would. FUCK E-lo. Dammit E-lo's fucking DEAD. You wanna talk about how smart he was and how well he ran our crew? Nigga got shot cuz he didn't know what he was doin! Fuckin' bustas think they can tell ME what to do? I'm fucking El Ninyo bitch. Yeah I got a son, and yeah I'm not dealing as much anymore, but it's not cuz I don't have it anymore- it's cuz I know what a real life should look like.

And Mikey, damn if there's one thing in the world that can calm me down it's him. I worry about him every moment, especially with heat coming from everyone from the cops, to the crips, to my own damn crew. I gotta make it out of this world before something gets outta hand.

Barny-

These people called me lame in highschool look at em now/ burnouts, dropouts, hacks take a bow./ movin up in the world in for that fast food pay/ forgot about education on that re su me/ your girl's the head waitress, well of one thing I'm certain/ she could own the fuckin' place but it'd still be a perkins./ I might be lame, a mess, even a tool/ one thing I'm glad I'm not is a drop out of tech school/ I'm lame, don't drink, but at least I'm me/ not some burnout without a G-d GED/ so screw you, I got mine, and I'm educated/ I'm glad I'm not you, prom king, you're dated./in fact check that date, I bet you're expired/ so go back to mommy's basement, ya look like your tired.

I wrote a little freestyle to shove in the face of this guy Quinton. He was up for being homecoming king last year- and we all know it's only because he deals meth to kids at my school, and he also runs with the crips. For whatever reason he got voted in, but school said he can only be in the court cuz of his rap sheet, so he wasn't on the ballot for king. Ninyo still calls him "prom" to his face when we're at races. Quinton's girlfriend is a burnout from my grade, and she's only 17 but she works full time at Perkins cuz she dropped out and goes to night school to try to get a GED.

Saddest part about it? I envy them. I'm still not sure about college. I mean, I'm going to go, but I don't know where or why or how much it's gonna cost. And I'm not all that motivated to go. I wish I could just work retail and write more songs and just hang out with my friends. Why do I have to wear a suit and tie? I hate the way my dad works. And mom's always telling me how much they sacrificed and, "I _wish_ I had the freetime you had Christopher! You always seem to be able to hang out and socialize; well that's not the decision your father and I made. And that's not how you get to afford all the things we have like the cabin and this house and the house in Florida and..." I get it; she wants what's best for me but what she doesn't realize is I never asked them to make those sacrifices, and that I'd be happy living in a small house with my wife someday. I don't need to go to Hawaii and Disney every year like my folks think I do. I'm honestly jealous of the way that the director of the camp I'm going to this summer lives. He's got a decent house and enough money to live on. Maybe they have to cut a few corners but they're REALLY happy. He is home every day. I wish my dad was. I just want the typical American life. And yeah, maybe I'll do some fun creative stuff on my own, but I don't want a mansion in the hills, I want a cabin in the woods.

Glandy-

O MAN! Perfect song. Best song in the history of the world. "Praying for You" by Lecrae. I normally don't like rap this much but this one will blindside ya. He's praying for this guy he knows, and his friend feels bad because of all the stuff going on in his life, and how he's struggling to pray. But this friend is seen as a good influence and all that. At the end of the song you see that it's really Lecrae, and that he needs God just as much as anyone. It's exactly how I feel. I look like I have it together, like because I am constantly reminded of my mortality that I'll automatically be SuperChristian! HUZAH!

Nope. I'm broken, beaten, battered and bruised. I can't pour into anyone cause I've just been used. Wow, good line Andy. I need to wail on my guitar for awhile. Hopefully Torrin will come in later and play some blues with me. I'm not in a prayerful mood.


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13

GPOV-

Here I go once again; I'm off to camp. I was a "junior counselor" last year; think assistant manager of a cabin of terminally ill middle schoolers. But this year I run my own cabin; yeah I'm only 16 but camp can't exactly hold out for long since everyone here has a death certificate waiting for us. It's like the Broadway play Rent around here.

This year I'm not in that crazy emo mindset I was the last time. God's been beating down my walls. Barnabas and I wrote a sick new song before I left and the simplicity of the chorus just keeps barreling into my soul, and it was cool that we had that retreat at church right before he and I both left for camp. I've been reading a lot of Paul's letters lately, and especially Corinthians are making me take comfort in the God I've come to love. That's why this year I'm finally gonna own my faith, and not just for myself and pray in school and have kids know me as "that AIDS kid that's always praying and going to those Bible studies." I want to start living it out, telling people about my LORD! I mean- what's the worst that can happen? Nobody wants to punish a kid with AIDS; how would that look if I start telling kids at school about Jesus and someone tries to stop me?

So this summer is gonna be all about Him. The camp isn't a Christian one, in fact in a lot of ways it's hardly a camp. I mean we got canoes and stuff but most the kids aren't physically able to play sports or night games so most of them just write home or play boardgames. Some of them come sing pop songs with me in the lobby while I play my guitar. But even though the camp doesn't explicitly like me to share the Gospel it did explicitly ask me to "share the ways you personally cope with your illness to your campers" in my guidebook. Well guess what camp? I "cope" because I know that I'm gonna get better, and the I get to live forever. How flippin cool is that! I'm gonna live forever; **me** the kid they said wouldn't make it to second grade gets to live millenia upon millenia worshiping. I wonder how that will look; I mean, am I gonna play guitar or dance and sing or just sit and listen to Him?

You know what? It doesn't matter. These kids just have got to learn that they don't need to be depressed. I totally understand why they would want to be. I've made my fair share of potential "killer cocktails" of my pills that I knew would kill me in the wrong dosage, but thankfully God kept me from ever downing one of them.

O yeah, and I've also decided to really dive head first into the music. I've been listening to Bernhof- specifically the song "Cmon Talk." It's incredible how he runs that whole song by himself. And I've been learning some Santana riffs too just for fun. Even singing, actually singing- not rapping or w/e, with Barny and a couple other guys from choir so we can do some acapella stuff just for fun. (I've been listening to The Blanks for inspiration.)

God has been blessing me and I really have no reason to deserve it, but I'll soak up as much as I can until I'm swimming in it.

MariannaPOV-

I'm so glad for good music to dance to. I hate the pop noise that the dance team usually listens to. I'm not saying that Christina and Britney don't make good songs (in fact "Candyman" is top 25 in my iTunes) but listening to "Toxic" over 2,000 times in a week was making my head explode. Now I'm making my own dance routines to things **I **like, like JoJo's "The Way You Do Me." Which kinda reminds me of my new guy, John.

My "ex" if you can even call him that, Jeff, was a two timing ass so now that I have "My Mood Today" playlist that I'm making I'm starting it with Carrie Underwood "Before He Cheats," and ironically I thought about asking Jose and Barny to blow up Jeff's Mustang; since they seem to have that as their new calling card for the dirtbags around here ever since getting E-Lo's hit avenged. But I've decided to get my "revenge" on Jeff by dolling myself up, dancing more and more for parties and things, and going out with John. That's why my next song is Kelly Rowland and Eve's "Like This," because I got it and I don't need drama. Plus the video is hott and Kelly knows how to dance so I use her as a muse.

But John, I thank God for him, literally. He's a good boy, he goes to church, he's respectful, he was very nice to Nana, he likes kids (well at least my nephew Mikey), he even holds the door open and **pays** for dates! Plus he's got a cute butt (he's a catcher for Jose's baseball team, can't say I didn't check it out) He reads his Bible, and that's probably my favorite thing about him. I don't read mine nearly enough, but John challenges me. I also like that he goes to the parties with me even though he won't let me drink or smoke. O, and he's kind of friends with Andrew and Christopher. John knows them as Glandy and Barny, and they don't really hang out, but he respects them and they talk at church at least.

Ok, my feet hurt, I'm gonna have to remember to tape them up before ballet tonight. I'm taking three dance classes, teaching one, and I'm not driving anywhere I can walk to so that I can practice all the moves I want to and perfect my craft as a way to worship. Thank you God for showing me there's more to life than the hurt and the temporary.

BPOV-

Lord, thank you for this summer, for the opportunities you gave me, the friends you've blessed me with, and the realization that you want to pull me from the pit I willingly dug myself.

This summer's been crazy, and as I reminisce on it and listen to some Lecrae that I got from Glandy, I'm in the perfect mindset. The songs "Indwelling Sin," "Take Me As I Am," and "Don't Waste Your Life" are each hitting me right in the heart. That mixed with the tape I got from Jean Baptiste.. man. It's like I got thrown into one of those Christian Family movies that Mom's always trying to get me to watch, only this time it's good. "really is a heaven for a 'G'". that line hit me. I gotta talk to Jose about this summer and all the crazy stuff that went down. I wonder how he'll take to it, and if he'll still want me to add to my 150-4 record racing. Yeah, I got really good at driving, but I know God wants way more of me; He might even want me to not do veterinary school and do something else, I dunno yet.

Started at camp. Nena got me to go with her to this Bible camp in Wisconsin. I wasn't too excited about it at first, but I did like the pastor. Cody is a crazy guy, not like most pastors I know. He tells stories about hunting and he plays Risk; but he still knows his Bible stuff. He motivated me to learn more and more while I was there, I soaked it up and I went off on my own and started to read my Bible. I'd never done that really before those two weeks at camp. Apart from one or two nights of sneaking out and making out with Nena for ten minutes or so the entire two weeks was spent learning about God. I never really thought about Him a whole lot before. I mean, I believed in Him, and I was listening to some Christian music and stuff that Mom and Glandy offered, but actually thinking about Him as a constant presence- never woulda happened.

A couple things happened those weeks, and if you're like me then you'll never believe it, or you'll dismiss it as coincidence or attention seeking. That's how I woulda felt a couple months ago. The first thing happened the third day; we were praying and all of a sudden I felt something physically push me to my side, and kinda yank my head up. I opened my eyes and saw: nothing. But that was the point; one of the girls had been sitting there. I ignored it as a muscle twitch and thought that maybe she had to go to the bathroom or go back to work at the desk (she wasn't really one of the campers- she was just our age and hanging out with us while she worked at the camp). But then I kept feeling that metaphorical tug at my heartstrings that wanted me to go tell Cody that she was gone, and that we should pray for her. I had **no** desire to do that; I felt stupid for even thinking it. But then again, what's the worst that Cody would say, "No it's cool, she's just going to work"? So I told him, he looks around, and **bolts** out of the room and down the stairs. I was kinda freaked out, but apparently I really was supposed to let him know. Later he comes to me with the girl and they tell me that she's been bulimic and was working at camp this summer so that Cody could act as a therapist for her. She dipped out during the prayer to go throw up- something she hadn't done in a couple months. Cody found her just in time to keep her from doing it and they spent an hour praying down there while she cried, and then Cody's sister-in-law gave a good woman's perspective on how beautiful (yeah, even physically) that this girl truly was.

But that wasn't the weirdest thing. I can't retell the story and give it justice with words, but one of the girls at camp was possessed, and late one night I got to feel the presence of God physically fill up our chapel and shake it, and she was freed from her demons. I'll never forget that night. That was the night that I literally felt and saw the supernatural realm.

I spent the next couple weeks at home with my high school church friends listening to great music and playing Axis and Allies. One of the guys lives right up the valley from me isn't a Christian, but we got to have a couple good conversations about God while we played the game. Nothing Bible thumping or "you're gonna go to hell if you don't believe immediately... grrr" (at least I hope that he didn't take it that way) but just some good honest conversation.

So then, a month after camp, I went to London, and then France for a mission trip with my youth group. I was still high from camp, and really ready to dive in, or so I thought. We get to London and I'm shaky. We went to missionary training to learn how to be respectful to the multitude of different people and cultures of the city- mostly we focused on the Muslim population. We went out in pairs- I went with Peter. I've known him for years, we don't hang out or anything but we talk at church and joke around. Peter hadn't ever done any evangelism, and I'd done it a couple times so I thought I'd be the bold one and get things started for us. Peter would pray and back me up if something bad happened, but I would talk first. Then maybe we'd switch later. Peter prayed for me and I promised him out loud that I'd go talk to the first person we saw. I immediately regretted that when I saw him coming toward me, the biggest man I've ever seen in person. No exaggeration he was 6'10, and would have made Ninyo think twice before fighting him. Silently I told God that if this guy was a radical Muslim that I would see Him soon, and that I'd be upset. Luckily this man was completely willing to talk about the gospel, and because I had an Arabic translation of the Gospel of John, we had time to sit and discuss it a little, and he kept the tract as far as I know. But aside from that **one** person, I don't remember any other conversations that day. When we got back to the place we were sleeping, Peter told the guys about Behemoth Man, and how brave I was; but I felt weak and like I let God down for not talking more. I felt like I wanted to go for a drive and burn a full tank of gasoline and two full tanks of Nos just to drown out my own self-disappointment.

Then we got to France. We spent one night in Paris doing some sight seeing, and the rest of the time in Nantes. Nantes was crazy, everything in the entire city is older than most of our country. When we got there they were grilling and making us lunch, some meat and some pasta depending on what you preferred. I set my bags down inside the door of the compound and found my way to the chapel. I plopped my jet lagged and spiritually whipped butt down in the back row and prayed for sleep to wash over me long enough to regain some of the hyper-zealous behavior that was expected from me. I didn't get the sleep but I got the zealotry. As soon as my own mind slowed down enough to listen I could hear crying from inside the chapel; well to be fair it was crying, and a lot of French that I didn't know yet. "Merci Monsieur pas..." was the start of every line. I followed that much, "Thank you LORD for..." I crept closer, hoping he wouldn't- too late.

"Bonjour," and then... jibberish to my ears as he took off the headphones attached to his ancient tape player. I started to speak and he smiled, he smiled a bit crooked though, and I couldn't tell if his face was wet with tears or with drool at first. But in that one second I thought to myself "This guy is the best looking person here in the eyes of God." Any idea why I thought that? Yeah, me neither. Luckily he spoke English- heavy on the French accent. "My name is Jean Baptiste, you must be one of the Americans. Welcome to France." I shook his hand, he instantly put his arm around me and waved around at the room like it was all of France that he was welcoming me to. Pretty quick it became obvious to me that this guy was fun, loved Jesus, loved this church, and also that he had some sort of mental illness (later I found out Jean has Autism). Jean Baptiste translates directly to English as John the Baptist- and he was already living up to that title in my mind.

We ate dinner, and Jean stuck around along with the entire long term missionaries: two from England, two from Germany, three native French people, and one guy that actually grew up about a mile from where we used to live in Des Moines, and about 4 blocks from where Mel's family lives now. I could tell that most of the other high school kids were being polite to Jean, but wanted to avoid the "awkwardness" of being around a guy with a mental drawback; so naturally, being the hyper kid and outcast anyway, I sunk down next to him and ate my hot dog inside a loaf of french bread and talked to him about what he did around the church.

"O, I do everything. I clean, I get things, I listen to the music (he said as he patted his tape player) and I pray. But this week I get the best job, I get to go out with you Americans and teach!" His joy for going out to teach made me smile, but I felt bad as I wondered if he knew the type of spiritual smackdown that was waiting for him- probably worse than the unwillingness I had when I froze up in London. After dinner Jean made me smile again when he said he was gonna go "wash my hands while the Lord washes my heart" before coming back to the chapel to sing and pray.

Music was great that night, and I smiled at God when Jean stood in the aisle next to my end-of-the-row spot just because he already felt comfortable next to me. During the first song he pointed to the piano and slowly found the words to ask me "do you like the piano? I _**love**_ the piano, it is what I have for my tapes, lots of piano for Monseiur." I smiled and nodded, I didn't really know how I felt about his type of music, but I didn't want to be rude to my new friend.

The next day was the first day of actual missions stuff and we were all paired or grouped with different translators. Before the director, Ger, even got to me to decide who I should go with I walked right up to Jean. Ger just smiled, nodded and said "that would be a great team I think. Jean, when Marcelle gets here have him join up with you." Jean was beaming, "we have the best team. You can look for verses faster than I, I can speak French, and Marcelle can do both, and he even knows English the best of anyone except for you Americans." I was pretty excited, but I prayed that most of my time would not be spent comforting Jean when people turned him away.

And turn him away they did, left and right people called him "retard" or "joke" or any number of other names, both for his physical affliction and also for his belief in God. I thought about Glandy and what he would do in this situation if people yelled slurs at him about AIDS instead of at Jean about his Autism; but before I could finish my thought Jean was running up the street, clutching that tape player in his pocket so it didn't fall out.

"Shit, **really **God? You're gonna let him run away because he's upset about the name calling?" I thought, and then apologized for swearing- I was still new to my Christian thoughts. As I turned to chase after him, Jean stopped, and simply asked the next person if they would want to talk about Christ. He wasn't running away **from** the slurs, he was running **to** another potentially lost person. I was floored. I had one person say "No thank you" very **politely** to me, and I didn't wanna talk to anyone for the next five minutes. Jean got flipped off and yelled at and he went out of his way to get to the next person. He told me "I'm not gonna let one jerk keep someone else out of Heaven." It was incredible.

Later that day we sang in the courtyard of this shopping center we were evangelizing in, and I grabbed Jean to sing with us. He didn't sing the best, but he worshiped the hardest. As soon as he started to sing, or "pray to music" as he said, Jean would instantly cry and you could see the thanks pour from him. It was crazy to me. I was a spoiled white kid from the U.S. with twice as much to be thankful for in every way and I barely cared about God most days.

Aside from being serious, Jean made me laugh. And just like how I felt about Cody; I was almost more drawn to the silly side. Jean looked under his seat when we got on the train back to the chapel, and Marcelle asked him why he did that. "I look for suspicious things. You know, like a **BOMB.**" Marcelle and I laughed and I covered my smile hoping I wouldn't hurt Jean's feelings. He just said, "you two laugh, but when I find a bomb- I'm not gonna tell you."

That crazy guy means a lot to me even after just that one week. The day before we were gonna fly back was the last day I was going to see Jean, and I was praying in the chapel for a way for Jean to understand how thankful I was for him. He beat me to the punch once again. "Chris, you like music." His sentence was less of a question and more of a statement.

"Yeah Jean, I love music."

"Do you have tape players in America?"

"Yeah, people listen to tapes, I have a tape player on my radio."

"Take this then," and before I could stop him Jean popped out the tape from the player that had literally been attached to his hip since that night I first saw him in the chapel.

"Jean I can't, I don't have anything for you."

"This tape won't exist forever, but you are my friend for Heaven." I gave him a hug and started to cry; I knew that this tape was his favorite possession. "Stop that crying, people will think you're copying me."

Thank you Lord, for opening my eyes. Please keep me moving in the direction that gives you the worship you deserve, and gives me the joy that's even better than winning a race with the best car in the world.


	14. Chapter 14

Chap 14

Jose-

The white boy delivers again; seems like every time I need the words and a beat to go with how I feel that Barny finds me just the right song or crew to draw that out for me. That crazy Keebler found me this group, Atmosphere, and they seem to know exactly how I felt most of this summer. I'm "Trying to Find a Balance" in my life right now, and I feel that chorus in my bones, "in the days of kings and queens I was a jester- treat me like a god or they treat me like a leper." Seems like people at my house parties or at races or anyone who needs a fix treat me like a mogul, or as their god, which is starting to sicken me for the reasons they want me. The rest of the world, the church goers, the white collar people, see me as a leper. My tattoos and build and my swagger scare off rich folk.

So I'm switchin' the game up. I was just trying to listen to "Say Shh" off another Atmosphere track and since it's a bonus track I just listened to the song before it, "Always Coming Back Home to You." It was perfect. The whole song the frontman, Slug, is setting himself up to be a thug, but then he does something completely different. It's how I'm gonna do me, Harlem Globetrotters style. When you think I should be dealing, I'll be playing with Mikey; and when you think I should be drinking, smoking, and partying, I might be spending the night at the garage with the boys drinking soda so I can go to church in the morning. I actually did manage to graduate high school, and most people expect me to either start dealing more or work at a McDonald's. I'm not doin' that crap. I'm gonna get certified as a licensed mechanic so I can run the garage solo.

That was a new thing for me, I went to church with Marianna, Glandyator, and Barny (whose last name I was constantly reminded is Spang because it seemed like everyone there knows him or his family, and I'm gonna have to look it up on urbandictionary to see if it means something funny.) I wore the button down and suit jacket that I got a year ago for a funeral a year or so ago. It looked a little tight, but it covered most of my tattoos, other than the tears that Marianna insisted to put the smallest amount of makeup possible over so people wouldn't ask too much too soon. Church actually wasn't bad; nobody told me I was going to hell, and the pastor talked about Samson. I liked Samson back when Nana made me go to church cuz he's strong and kind of a gangster, so it was cool to hear something I remembered. But the pastor made the story work for my life; kinda rocked me. I might even go again when the crew gets back from all their camps.

The suit got worked over this summer. I think there were 3 funerals in like 2 weeks, and all from Bloods that I didn't know really personally, but got shot. Two of them got hit in the same drive-by, and the other got taken out by an undercover cop cuz he bolted once the deal went down. In my world when a guy goes down with a bullet the leaders throw a party for the rest and just drink and talk some bull about how, "that dude was like family. We all family cuz we all Blood." I didn't know those punks! Now I gotta spend my cash, that could be going to my son, on a keg to remember some fools that were too dumb to check their facts or cover their tracks? Nah, that's not what I'm about anymore. But at the end of the night Tek found a song, "My Life" by the Game and Lil Wayne. I'm sure he picked it cuz both the rappers are Bloods, but damn was it a fitting song, "dear Lord you done took so many of my people I'm just wondering why you didn't take my life. Like what the hell am I doin' right?" Nothing yet, but I'm on my way.

I might have played my last baseball game today, and damn do I love ball. Mostly I catch but every once in awhile I'll pitch; usually just in tournaments to give our best two guys a break. I catch cuz literally not a single ball gets by me. First off I'm bigger than most strike zones and second I got a quick glove hand; but today I pitched the first five innings instead. I don't have a lot of different types of pitches, just a simple fastball, changeup, sinker combo; but I have a lot of control. I throw pretty hard too; I can throw a couple 89 mph's to almost every batter. Ah, and batting. I got my tenth homer today, knocked in 3 runs. It's something I love, and I hope Mikey will too; it's the one "dad" thing I'm looking forward to the most. Well, that and cars. I get to hit stuff hard as I want, and know one gets mad. Game's the best thing for me today; especially since I'm calling Jerome later.

Jerome was E-lo's lieutenant, and he was the guy I answered to now in all things gang and drug related. That means he's the buster I gotta hit up to tell him I want out.

Jerome tried to sound pissed but I could tell somethin' about that punk was glad I wasn't gunnin' for his spot. He set up my "bleed out" as he put it. Basically I gotta get the crap beat outta me, and most guys don't know, can't tell, and don't care if the dude's dead or alive by the time they're done. Usually nobody's supposed to bring weapons or anything, but I went prepared. I called up an old friend of E-lo's who works for Social Services or something like that. He's sittin' in my Escalade right now; and anything goes too far or they pull a knife or gun or something he's got the cops on speed dial and he'll race over for me. I knew Jerome would check my eyes to make sure I wasn't too high or drunk too feel the punches; so I didn't do my 5 shots of Patron 'til just after I saw him get to the spot.

I figured he'd bring 3 or 4 dudes, but damn was I pissed to see Tek.

Mel-

Mmmmm I love music, especially the kind that I can listen to and dance or hop around with a drink in my hand while I hear it, like DEV and her songs like "Bass Down Low," or "Booty Bounce." I just grab my drink and bounce around and let my hair swing. I was in Spain for almost the whole summer and was here last spring semester, after deciding that band and choir weren't good enough reasons to stay at the high school, and I stinkin' **love** the no drinking age thing. I can go to clubs, bars, liquor stores and legally purchase myself a good strong buzz. It's flippin' awesome. And since there were no classes yet there were parties all the time. There's only one hang up about going to Spain on a school program from Iowa State- they forgot I don't need a translator.

At least he's cute. I speak Spanish perfectly fluently, only a couple hiccups now and again but that's mostly with slang that I've been picking up really quickly. But Marco, poor Marco speaks English just fine, but "**very slowly please**." Finally I just told him I won't tell school so he can still get paid and translate for the two other IA State girls as long as he takes us to fun college kid places- which he's done marvelously at. Last night I made his chiseled butt dance with me, and it was- hmmm how should I put this delicately- exciting. HA! At the end of the night I may have gotten him to makeout with me. My roommate here, Rachel, sounds just like Marvel; which in this case is a good thing.

When we're both sober and getting ready she always asks me, "Hey, while you're clear-headed let me know if you want to go home with a guy. If you say yes now I'll let you, but if you say no I'll keep your hammered butt from doing something you don't wanna do." It's cute. Whoever thought that I would relate to "I Kissed a Girl" by Katy Perry? Not I, but I gotta tell ya- making out with Marvel at my welcome home party didn't suck. In fact, I'd love to do it again- only not with her. To change my playlist from Katy to Christina- I'd put on "Dirrrty" for the next girl.

There _is _a girl. Her name is Kat- and my word I never saw this coming. I'm falling for a chick. I'm from the midwest, my father is a part time farmer and ex-special forces/Marine, my sister is head of the college Republicans; I am _not_ supposed to be a lesbian. But here I am, talking to a girl I've gotten to know mostly online but I'd met a couple times at Marvel's old sorority house; and I'm totally salivating and my heart is racing because of her. Oddly enough, I think my family would approve. She's kind of a hippie which Marie, my eldest sister, would love, Kat's a Republican, which everyone would love, she likes guns, that appeals to the boys, and she's even a church going, mission-tripping Christian. It's funny- she even told me that she knows that being a lesbian is a sin, but she thinks of it like the prostitute that's apparently somewhere in the family tree ahead of Jesus, and that she'll be forgiven someday. I gotta say, if she were here right now, Kat might get my virginity. Kinda wanna tell my sisters about her when I go home next week, but don't know how to break the ice.

I'm going to Mom and Dad's for the weekend right before I move in with Marvel, Marie, and Cherish, but not just for fun. My mom is _**pregnant**_ again. I thought Bethany was the surprise baby, but apparently Mom's still got time for one more. They already know it's a boy, so apparently Mom's about 5 months along. Benjamin Robert Gunderson. Holy flippin' crap- I sincerely hope I'm not having a baby after 50. Hey, one more plus to Kat; although I wanna have some babies... one minus to Kat.

I did like translator boy, but I really like Kat... I wanna talk to Marvel- where is that chick? Probably out with her new boyfriend the boxer. His last name is Cash so we've all been calling him Cashus Clay- like a play on Mohammed Ali's real name. Whatever he seems cool. At the last party the three of us shared a bowl and a couple six packs, and he seems like a nice enough guy, and he's pretty funny and treats Marvel nice.

By the way, gang parties are way different than European parties. I know Barny, and Jose I guess, would probably be mad at me if they knew that I actually let a couple of the Blood's girls hit me so I could bleed in; but I also know that I love the idea of free booze and getting paid when I win races- and that even when I lose a race all I have to do is win the next one to pay them back. I'm kinda surprised they haven't made me throw a race like I know some of the other gangs do when we're at the legitimate tracks, but I prefer winning in my pretty new Nissan 350Z. Sigh.

Tek-

Can't believe we don't get all the crews from our set together more often. The bigger cities need to get an example from how we run things down here. I mean- Gorin's got the highest output of coke and meth in the state, and for meth we're 3rd in the whole damn country. But more than that it's good to just chill with them and know we got our backs covered when we start our war on those damn smurfs for hittin' our guys. The whole house felt like a mixture of that old Jagged Edge song "Where the Party At?" and Game and Lil Wayne's "Red Nation." We took pride in our set- seems like everyone there was ready to bust some heads for this- even the cats that didn't even know our dead brothers. Everyone, except Ninyo; Jose's been out of it lately.

Either he's gettin' soft on me or he's distracted by all of his new kid bull. I got a kid, and another on the way; and I never acted like this wetback. He's all drowsy and junk like those damn allergy commercials. Whatever, if he's not ready to swing those big ol' gorilla hands at the jaw of some punk Crip then let him stay at home and rock the crib like a woman. I don't need him; I'm the man of Gorin now. I'm the man.

Jerome just called me; and now I have my answer on why Jose's been such a punk lately. He's being the businessman's little bitty baby bitch. Turning his back on his brothers when we could use his help in the war. Jerome wants me there for his bleed out, well that Mexican monkey's got more than a bruise to worry about from me. Usually we don't bring weapons to this stuff, but that gargoyle's getting my worst- board and bottle and brass knuckles unless Jerome pulls me off him. I thought we were brothers, leader of our crew and I was his lieutenant; but now that buster wants _**out?**_ Well he can be out, but if he's out he might as well be dead.


	15. Chapter 15

Barny-

This has been a crazy summer for so many reasons: emotionally, physically, spiritually I suppose even. I'm growing up and moving up. Camp definitely hit me hard and changed my life in just a couple short weeks, and France... I have to be a Christian- I don't have a choice anymore. I'm still not willing to let go completely, but I'll get to the life He wants for me I think. Maybe...

Anyway, we finally got to my family's cabin up north on the best lake in the world. It's not summer til I jump off that dock or throw someone in with their clothes on, go skiing around the whole lake, and go out to the pizza place on the next lake over and eat so many slices of pepperoni that I can't do anything but watch USA network when we get back to the couch.

That's what we're doing now. My best girl-that's-just-a-friend's whole family is here. Their house burned down earlier this summer and our parents are good friends too so we brought them up for some vacation time. So Teesh (that's her name) and her three younger siblings: Andrew, Peter, and Heidi (who's 8) are sitting watching old VHS's and looking out at the lake talking about going on the jet-ski tomorrow if this wind dies down.

But of course, it didn't die down; the waves are easily five feet, and deeper in the center they're closer to eight. "Heidi, sorry kid but I don't think we can get the jet-ski off the lift let alone go out in this today. I doubt our moms would sign off on it anyway." Teesh just smiles and shakes her head; she knows full well I'd rather just sit on the porch today and talk to her about Nena and the guy she likes. But our gossip would have to wait- the words I never saw coming sideswiped me. "I don't care if it's alright with your mom, Chris."

My jaw drops as I watch my mom look at the nine footers in the center and then slowly realize that the waves near the lift are only about a foot tall- and I can power through and get off the beast pretty easily if I try. "Don't go too fast, and make sure that the kids' life jackets are on tight. And if the waves buck you off too fast then stay closer to shore or go to the cove on the south end." Teesh has a huge, mischievous smile as if to say 'sorry, but this is just hilarious.' Alright, two can play that. "Lemme go get my wetsuit on and pull it out. Teesh you wanna get on first so we can make sure the waves aren't too bad for the shorter ones?" I smile even more triumphantly when I hear both mothers claim that I had a "fantastic idea." Teesh shakes her head so harshly I can hear her teeth and vertebrae grinding.

The waves were insane; jumping clean over a nine foot wave will get your blood pumping, and diving straight _through_ the next will cool you back down in a hurry. It was easily the most fun I've ever had: and I can tell that both Teesh and I needed it. Her siblings loved it too, and after we were all finally tired and worn out and out of gas (literally on the jet)- we finally bunked down and played cards and had some lemonade. Good summer.

Of course, my jealous girlfriend hated the fact that I spent a few weeks "alone" at my cabin. (She played it like she wasn't fully aware of all the other family that was there and that Teesh and I wouldn't ever do anything remotely romantic together other than maybe the occasional movie.) But her jealousy is always unfounded, and it really truly hurts that she doesn't trust that. It's not that I don't have opportunities or other girls I find attractive- but I really do love my first girlfriend, my first kiss. I wanna marry that girl, and you'd think that almost two years would show her that. Ah, whatever, I got my guys to help me cure my girl problems.

And the summer didn't end there, and the guys didn't fail me. We had the best time the last few weeks before school would afford us. We spent three straight nights at my place, Axis and Allies and movies and more Mountain Dew than is safe for human consumption the first night. The next day we went for a hike, some four wheeling, and walked 4 miles from where the creek is in my yard to where it dumps into the Mississippi. And the third day we spent with the penultimate- the best thing we could think of with our nerdy yet violently male minds- we had a war. We took the thick foam Nerf swords- the ones that don't flop when you swing them- and filled our sheaths with paint. We split into 3 teams of two a piece. My buddies Josh and Chase made up one since they knew each other the most, Glandy and I grabbed the same color paint on accident and wound up together, and that left Ninyo with Torrin. That was perfect actually. Jose's the oldest, and Torrin the youngest; big guy is strong but Torrin's more agile. Jose and Chase are equally fast and strong when you put them both together. And Glandy and I are both crazy, patient, and ready to strategize when needed. I couldn't see how well it would go, and DEFINITELY didn't see the winner on that one.

Couple nights later was one of my favorite yearly races. See, Gorrin is a small town, and when we have our yearly Parade Weekend, every cop from the surrounding three town radius comes to guard the route. That means that the five mile stretch on top of the hill in Mueller will be completely free to zip down unscathed. Plus there's only one driveway to block on the whole stretch so it's completely safe too. Jose and I just played a few, and I loved hearing the whispers about "Jose's guy" and "that's the 88- guy's beat more guys than the Undertaker." I can't wait for the next Party Night- I got something special for my "comeback."

Glandy-

Marianna's teaching me how to dance, more literally how to move. I can be kinda stiff. Only recently is Mom starting to let me do more physical activities, and my almost 16 year old joints are not used to the smooth flowing bends that are required in Salsa and Flamenco. I have a mammoth sized crush on her, but of course this dancing is mostly platonic; just something fun to do between friends. We talk about everything when we take breaks, her family and the fact that she's proud of Jose for getting out of the gang, and her hope that he stays away from the thugs- to the physical health of my family, and the fact that Torrin is starting to step up and feel like he has to take care of Mom and I since he's the only "healthy" one left at home. He doesn't need to, but it's kinda cool to see. I knew there was a reason she offered me lessons, but now I see her smile peaking up- the one she uses to nudge me into something I wouldn't otherwise do. "Andrew," Oh no, already pulling out her more latina accent, she really wants whatever it is, and I'm already sunk with the way her eyes are batting at me, "I have a request." _I know_, I think to myself. "Would you please be my escort to mi quincenera?" Shoot, this is big. I take a big sigh, and apparently she knows my tells just as well as I know hers; since she's hugging and thanking me before I can even say yes. And then she kissed my cheek.

Time evaporated, my whole head suddenly filled with blood and I could hear the seconds tick by as my ears pounded to the sound of my heart. I was going into shock, and I wasn't at all remorseful about the fact that I might die in that moment. "Andrew!" I blink, shake my head, and breathe again. She's smiling, and the fact that all I can do is swallow seems to worry her. "I'm sorry, I was caught up, I shouldn't have kissed you...?" She started the sentence as a statement of apology, but ended it as a question as if to gauge what was truly wrong. "Oh my gosh. Was that the first time someone kissed you on the cheek? Andy, was I your first kiss?" I slowly bend my neck down to start a nod, but I think she can read the smile in my eyes that my mouth is somehow too unable to perform. She hugs me tight around the neck, and my mind races, _do I do it back? Should I kiss her cheek? Should I whisper something? She asked me to escort her and then kissed me; but is it romantic or just good friends? _Snap out of it. Just do something, anything. So I hug her back, and go for it. I plant a soft gentle kiss on her right cheek. Her skin reminds me of everything I like, sun and warmth, smooth like the curves of my guitar and even the same burnt auburn color, freckles like cinnamon when I look this close, and her neck and hair smell like vanilla. "Andrew, I do declare" she said this with a side smirk and a body shimmy, "Was I the recipient of the coveted first kiss of Mr. Unkissed?" I smile and say "Claro, chica, and no one better for it to go to." Even through her darker skin and tight high cheeks I can still see the blood flow. Her blushing is even better than being two weeks to my driver's license.

P.O.D. is easily the best band ever, or at least the Satellite album is the best ever. Torrin and Barny both say it's second to Skillet's Comatose, and I'd say it's the other way. Either way, this single album has everything in it I'd ever tried to communicate- and it does it on every level. Each song hits me for another reason. "Alive"- well it's exactly how I feel when I shook off my emo HIV shell and fell into God's arms, I think everyone's felt the way "Youth of the Nation" speaks, "Ridiculous" "Satellite" "Guitarras de Amor," and "Without Jah, Nothing" all speak to how in love I am with God and "Portait" does that but also gives me the memory of a Father I never had, and the truly manly image of grace and peace that I need, "Ghetto" speaks to how I think of Jose, Barny, and Torrin's lives- and that God will tear us out of the depths of our hellish lives to bring us into true joy, "Thinkin' About Forever" is one of my all time favorites just for how it makes me feel- it's about the artist's mother who had passed, and telling her about life since- it's a hope of mine to get to live long enough to tell my mom about all that, "Set it Off" "Boom" and "Whatever It Takes" all get me in the mindset to fight, and do whatever I can to tell more people about what I have, and if I had to pick a song that I hope sums up my life it would be "The Messenjah." It's just got everything, and I didn't even list every song on the album! So, needless to say, when Barnes the Noble asked me to get songs ready for the 3 days at his place, I gravitated to these. We played them acoustically, and electrically, Torrin and I- along with "Boondocks" by Little Big Town.

The L.B.T. Song was a crazy end to a crazier few days. Jose gave his life to God. I fear it might be a slow turn rather than a quick switch from thug to Bible Thumper- but nonetheless it was great news. Torrin, Barny, and Jose had a surprise better than that news for me: they got me ordained. Just on the internet, but the reason for it was better than the fact of it. Jose wanted to get baptized, and wanted a pastor that he knew personally to do it. So we dipped down into the creek by Barny's house, and I had the honor of physically washing a man as a symbol of God washing his soul. This was a bigger triumph than the Nerf war would have been even if I had won it.

Torrin-

There's nothing like hanging out with these guys, and I finally got the invite to do actual guy stuff with the crew. I mean, I guess it's weird, but I really do look up to my brother, and his friends are cool. Barny doesn't treat me like I'm "the little brother," I think probably because he's the second son of his own family, and Jose doesn't treat anyone differently except he's gentler with the elderly and with babies as I can tell from his grandma and his son. So it was great to play Axis and Allies with them. Jose and I were the Allies- and I was glad that he's actually a history buff- that meant he had an actual strategy with Russia. We shared the United Kingdom plays and it was cool that he would ask my approval before starting battles. I was the United States, and I played it smart, but faster than I could tell Barny was used to. I brought in Battleships and subs right away to the border of his Nazi empire, and it upset him that he had to turn his efforts away from Jose and toward me. Andy and Barny beat us, but it was cool even so.

The best part though, was the BATTLE! So we kept the same teams as with Axis and Allies other than adding two new guys, and man was I glad to have Jose with me. For a big guy he's still wicked fast, and he would literally sacrifice both his body and his sword if it meant getting a kill or avoiding getting hit. And since I knew his battle strategy from A&A, I knew he'd be ok with me being the patient sniper in the trees, waiting til he drew someone out before I had a quick stab at them.

The battle went as such. Barny and Andy went up first and staked out their spots, then Jose and I went east of them since there was an old logging trail we could climb quickly to get up around them, and then Barny's friends were coming last. Jose found a good tree with roots that stuck over a ravine for me to hide in, and drew Chase after him. Josh came after him too, but Jose just threw his sword tomahawk style and got him in the chest for the first kill of the game. Now, without sword, Jose sprinted past a tree I was about 12 feet from, just enough room that Chase wouldn't be looking my way. As soon as he was two steps in front of me I slid down my ravine, sliced his leg, and then one more cut across his back near were his lungs would be if this were real.

That left my brother and Barny. I was most scared of those two. These were Barny's hills, and I know how serious my brother is about swords, and how fast his mind works if he actually started to fight with me. Then it happened, Jose tossed a sword and it hit the tree next to Barny's chest. Barny only smiled as he stalked his friend back down the hill. Jose had picked up Josh's sword from earlier (as was legal in our rules, and I had Chase's) and when Barny got to him the fought for only a few seconds before Barnes turned his wrist quickly and slapped the broad side of his blade on Jose's heart. I had only just then gotten close enough to risk tossing my spare sword, and did just that, hitting Barny right dead center in his sternum, knocking him straight over.

Where is my brother...? There! I turn just in time to see what made the leaves rustle not seven steps from me, and my brother swings his blade right near my shoulder. I block it and swing it to the ground. He responds without a second thought, as if he expected that, and swings with his back to me to stab near my other side. I block again, and once more when he aims nearer my neck. _My turn to play, _I take two quick steps back and then jump over a root that I knew was there but hoped my brother hadn't yet noticed, and my hope was well thought! He stumbled on the root and in the one moment as he started to fall into the ravine I had a clear shot at his stomach, and I made sure to get the cleanest slap of red paint from the broad side of my sword right on his shirt. There was no question, and I had won. All five of the others looked at me in shock. I had won. I had been invited because I was another guy to play, not out of merit, and the little brother had pulled off the miraculous. Jose roared out a "YEAH!" and my brother clapped me on the back as we all trekked back down for some more music and root beer. Barny's offer to come over every time from now on was exactly what I needed to hear from these guys.

Jose-

I heard from the only other guy I knew that took his "bleed out" that I should expect a few days in a hospital, but I thought they'd leave me be once I got home. Apparently three days of St. Catherine's Hospital, and the first of those in ICU wasn't enough for my old (as in no longer) friend Tek, and he and three chumps jumped me again at my own house, on my front porch. Lucky for him Nana was out shopping, or I'm sure she woulda tested the accuracy of her sawn-off. So now, my **second** trip to this hospital unit, and again being release after only two days this time, I had some negotiating/begging to do with my doc. "Ok, here's the deal, if I go home I'll be back in another day. I'll pay for two more days here, I just gotta stay." The doctor shut my room door and pulled the shade so my sleeping roommate wouldn't be so nosy should he wake up. "Look kid, I know about gangs around here, and I only got one question. Did you get out and that's why they're mad, or did ya do something I don't wanna ask more questions about?" He seemed to be able to see I was telling the truth when I told him I was out now, since he told me I could stay long as I needed to stay safe.

And I guess I stayed safe enough. Doctor says I have about a month of working out _gently_ he says, before I'll be back to 100%. Three cracked ribs, a fractured part on my skull, crutches for another week for a sprain from someone locking my ankle, four stitches on my head from where Tek hit me with a bottle, and seven more on my chest from something I can't remember. I was in pain, man. Pain. And Mikey wanting to play didn't help, physically or emotionally. He's only like 4 months but I know his cries already, and lately he's just wanting me to pick him up. I wish I could, but my ribs and pec just scream in pain every time I go to do it. Nana's being even more of a saint than usual. She even poured me a cup of her tequila when she heard me groan from the couch in the middle of the night. Yeah, she's a real Mexican, we drink Tequila from cups, not tiny shots. I graduate this year, and this change and re-working my body has got me thinking about my soul too, and my future. Mari's even got me thinking about technical school for mechanic stuff.

We'll see. For now, I got enough changes. I'm getting baptized by my boy Glandyator the Unkillable later this month, and I've gotta figure out how to get the bills paid at the garage now that I have to let go the other Blood guys that work for me. Or maybe I can work something out with them. I dunno, but that place has gotta stay mine, and I gotta stay healthy for mi familia. Mikey's blowing bubbles and lookin' up at me from the floor like he knows I'm about to be a better dad.


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16

Mel-

So the new school year is in full swing, and I have great classes, a fantastic job translating for courthouses and social services (along with my "side job"), and the best house on campus. I live with my sisters Marie, and Cherish, and our best friend Marvel. Marie's graduated and engaged but she's living with us until the wedding- she has a teaching job in Minnesota kinda close to where Barny's gonna go next year so that's convenient. Cherish is a sophomore going for veterinary science stuff, and we're both trying to pry Barny from his current evil witch of a girlfriend and set the two of them up. And Marvel- is partying it up. She studies, don't get me wrong, but just enough. She's got her boxer boyfriend, and she hangs out at the after parties from the fights, and she's with me at the races every weekend and the gang house parties.

And that's what gets me through my boring classes lately- those weekends and the parties. That and the bong Marvel and I smoke every other day or so with Cashus Clay. Turns out that this Nick Cash that Marvel snagged up went to elementary school with Barny back in the day; found that out when I added him on facebook and saw our mutual friends thinger. I hope he knows better than to talk to him about our extra-curricular activities.

Last week was great, Cashus had his big cage match and he knocked the guy out in the second round; so naturally we had a party after! My set leader, they call him Stone, put me in three races that night. I've been doing really well, fifty wins so far and only six losses. But last night, I was on fire. I shifted at the perfect time, was through the intersection before the next guy had even put his foot on the gas, and had enough Nos to keep them all in my rear view the whole night. I love making boys sad.

Well, boys that deserve it. Today there was a boy that I was more than happy to get a smile out of. Social Services called me to translate, but this time it wasn't for a family- it was for a three-year-old boy who's a refugee from Sudan. He's been here for a week in Des Moines, and they'll send him to the Twin cities in Minnesota if they can find a good enough translator. They've been calling him Dan or Danny for awhile (short for Sudan I'm guessing) because no one understands him. He's only a toddler so even if they knew some basic Dinka (that's the language he speaks) I doubt they'd be able to understand him anyway. Lucky for me I'm both fluent in Dinka and toddler. He and I talked for about four hours, and he told me some of the scary things that happened: from the gunshots to the alligators, bad men to no water in a plain filled with hungry jungle cats. I cried on the drive home, but before I left I got him to smile. He's so curious about America, and even more excited to learn English. I taught him a few simple words like yes, no, hello, and may I (he should be polite after all). Before I left he gave me a big ol' hug and told me he loved me and begged me to come back. How could I say no to that beautiful smile and those bright hazel eyes? Sigh, well I think Kat will let me love boys as long as it's a brother thing like this little guy, Barny and Glandy, well I guess Nick and Benny who should be born any day now!

Yeah, Kat and I are "dating" I guess. So far I won't see her in person for awhile. She's in Seattle now and I'm stuck in DM til I graduate, which might be either next December or next May. Hopefully I can convince her to fly her cute butt down here before then though so I can makeout with her. We chat every night and watch the same movie on TV sometimes while we're on facebook flirting. We're still learning about each other, but we did "cyber" the other night, and I've never ever been more happy and connected in a relationship than in those few moments. I'm only 15 still, but I'm quite sure I'm allowed to know about love- not saying I do yet, but it's possible.

Glandy-

Woke up in a cold sweat from a bad dream. Barnabas, Jose and I were dressed like knights, and Mel was dressed in a medieval dress running from a dragon. For whatever reason we couldn't help her yet, but we were ready to. I felt like it was real, or that God gave me that dream because it has some sort of real life meaning. I put in my new 7th Time Down CD that I got at a concert I went to with Barny to see KJ-52 and Pillar. Right now I'm listening to a song called "Jesus Machine," and I just hope that Barny and Jose become a part of that machine with me.

Speaking of Jesus and working for him; I decided a couple weeks ago to start a Bible study before school. Today's the first day of it, and I'm pretty excited. Barny, Marianna, and five kids from our church's youth group are coming. I'm leading it today; I'm gonna talk about James 2 and what it means for us today.

I need a space. What in the world? It's an hour and a half before school starts; so why are the first 4 rows of spaces already taken? Is there a football game, or a concert tonight or something? What are all these signs the have? O hey, Jenna's out there- she's the daughter of the youth pastor at the other local church. I don't know her real well but I hear she's cool; I should see if she wants to come to the study later. I'm just gonna drive around the circle quick to see what it is and see if I can find a closer spot. No. No! Lord, please tell me this is a dream.

I wipe the tears out of my eyes while I park near the back, and send a text to Barny and Marianna. The signs, the stupid ignorant jerk signs, say stuff like "AIDS isn't Christianity," and "We don't support sexual deviancy," hurtful junk like that. I've never even had sex; I've never even had a french kiss! Apparently Jenna's church doesn't want to seem like they're ok with me leading a Bible group at school. Well none of them were leading one; so if they'd step up like real Christians should then maybe they wouldn't have to protest me. The didn't even bother coming to me first, or find out just how I got AIDS. Those stupid jerks.

I never thought I'd be happy to see Jose destroy something. He came with Marianna, who's running to my car; and Barny's parking and running to the sign people too. Jose's already snapped four signs and yelling something about how they should learn their facts first. Jenna's pointing to some kid with a video camera to get it on film like it's front page news. Barny's grabbing Jenna and pulling her aside nicely; though I can tell he's ticked off he's still trying to be respectful as he slaps his forehead and I can only assume he's explaining to her about how I got AIDS from birth and now my own merit. I hope he's not but I can tell he really wants to swear. Jose has no problems just yelling it out, I can hear a few f-words from the whole parking lot away with my windows closed. Marianna's tapping on one of them now. "Andrew- I'm so sorry. Those idiots! If anyone deserves to teach God's word it's you. Those idiots should have protestors against them." She wants to keep ranting but she quick looked in my eyes and decided I needed a hug instead. Well, at least some good came of this.

I thank God for good friends that have my back as I watch out principal pull into her spot. She looks furious, and I'm just praying that her rage isn't directed at Jose and Barnabas. I know she's the wife of one of out churches board members, but I know she's probably seen Jose in her office a few times before too... She goes straight for the kid with the camera and lifts it from his hand, yelling and pointing for all of them to get to her office. Marianna asks me if I want to be left alone or walk in together, and I just grab my bag and open my door, assuming she'll follow. I'm not gonna let these jerks keep me from doing what I think God wants.

About ten minutes after I put my stuff in my locker I get a text from Barny. "Mrs. j wants to know if you wanna come talk to her about the signs, the signers are still in here." I decide not to text back but just walk in, I shouldn't hold a grudge. I see Barny, and Jose (who looks like this is the first time he's enjoyed being in this office) on one couch, and Jenna and 5 other kids on the other side. Every time one guy looks over at Jose he just flexes and does a head fake like he's ready to kill. Mrs. J pats me on the arm and tells me that at the very least all the protestors have detention for the next week; and the board will decide if suspension is deserved later. I fight back more tears and the urge to cuss them all out. "Can I just explain to them a bit about AIDS and all that?" I ask. Mrs. J just nods and brushes my arm again. For the next half hour I explain the basics (which I am kinda ticked they didn't learn in sex ed.) and the fact that I'm both a virgin and don't use drugs- that I got AIDS from birth from my mom, who got it from my jerk of a biological father. Most of them listen and I can tell they're uncomfortable, but I can't tell if it's apologetic feelings or just that they're in the principles office. One kid stops listening and turns to peak out the window for a second, but when he's met with the sound of Jose's cracking knuckles and a dead straight stare the guy quickly snaps his head back and holds his attention on what I have to say. When I'm done Mrs. J lets them all go except Barny, Jose and I. She chastises Jose for breaking the sign, but she smiles and fights laughter as she does it. Afterward she asks me if sometime in the next couple weeks if I wanna talk about AIDS in sex ed classes or maybe in front of the school. "Lord give me the right words" I think quick and tell her I'll think on it.

My first class is Spanish, and I'm a week ahead- plus I have Barny to help me catch up since he took this level two or three years ago. I know Barny's first hour is just being the T.A. for our choir teacher, and I decide to do something for myself today. Jose's eyes get almost as big as his rims as he slaps Barny on the shoulder and picks up his backpack and races out the side door. Apparently his answer is "yes" to my question: "you guys wanna skip first hour and go to breakfast?"

Jose-

After work today I went to pick up Mikey from his daycare- usually Marianna does it after dance or Nana whenever she's done shopping and watching her soaps. (I think Mikey's just too much for her to handle all day.) But today I didn't have to go to the garage so I thought I'd spend the day with my son. He's crawling pretty fast now, and standing, and babbling a lot but not talking or walking yet. Plus, his daycare girl is stunning; not the old lady that owns the place but there's a girl, she's gotta be 18, 19 at most. And the girl is fine. Her name's Chastity, I've seen her a few times here; and I'm pretty sure she graduated last year from my school. She's black, but lighter like Mikey, kinda like Kelly Rowland. And she's got a great smile, perfectly white teeth, straight and they flash when she grins as she brings my son to me. And she's built so wonderfully, like the streamline frame I want for the sword car. What the hell am I doin'? She's a girl, moron; you need to impress her, and she works with kids- she won't like thugs. She's the _type _of girl I want to marry some day: gorgeous, steady, likes kids, won't take my crap, and maybe enjoys a good movie or cars.

Good cars, like my Babygirl. That gorgeous Chevelle got a good workout by my man Barnes the Noble today. It's been three months since I took my bleed out, but getting a few races in with some of the non-gang crews is still good and allowed. We had a friendly few races with some of the Asian kids in town; just a handful of down and backs and a few drift races. Hell, we even set up a couple tag-team down and backs with one of them and my boy. Three months ago my smallest bet was $350, and today my biggest bet was $100; and at the end of the night Barny the Kid and I bought everyone there some pizza and we hung out in the Hmong side of town and watched the kids play tops.

I walk around the corner to grab another couple IBC's for Barny, Ka (the kid who teamed with us for that race) and myself; smiling as I hear the kids smack talk each other as their tops knock around. I laugh as I see one of them that stopped paying attention for a second have to leap over one of the foot-tall metal orbs of doom. My phone's going off, so I quick toss the bottles to Barny and give him the look that he and Glandy call the "Shock and Awe-some," meaning something good happened that I didn't expect. Nana's using her cell phone, and I'm glad to see that she actually _does_ know how to use it. "Nana! Que paso! The white boy says hi." I talk to her with a bigger smile than I would have had if I'd just been at a gang ace instead of these friendlies.

I throw my keys at the kid; not _toss_, like in a gentle way, but _throw_ them- as in as hard as I can at his right pec. "Don't get pulled over, but we gotta jet to the hospital. Mari's in the ER."

Nana's crying and running to me as soon as we get there. She's speaking so fast and through so many tears I'm not exactly sure what she's saying but something about some boy. My mind races: car accident? Did she get jumped? Something happen at work? I follow her slowly until I see Glandyator standing in a doorway. I'm not sure if it was his elbow or the door I slid into, but I need to see my sister.

The doctor tries to blindside me, and there's cops sitting next to her. Bloody lips, swollen eye, her arm is elevated and so is her left leg. I turn to the white cop, "You speak Spanish?"

"No, son I don't but I know your sister and grandmother both speak English. The trouble is that she hasn't told us what happened yet."

"Perfect. Hermana, que paso?" We speak in Spanish as fast as we can til the cop gets the hint and leaves us alone for a few minutes. As soon as he's gone Barny, Glandy, and my Nana come in and lock the door. Marianna's tears tell me all I need to know about what happened, and her only word tells me who needs to get their ass kicked: "Jeff."

"Barny, you can drive me and help, or you can stay here and pray with Glandy and Nana. But don't you _dare_ try and stop me." He just nods and asks Mari where to find him, and tells her to give us two hours before she tells the cops who and what happened. Glandy understands that we want him with us, but that staying with my sister is more important right now for him.

That son of a bitch is gonna be in a hospital much longer than my baby sister- and his is gonna be inside a damn cell.

Barny-

Thank you, Torrin! I am really glad to have someone who both appreciates my taste for rap as well as my desire to be more Christian. He's been giving me a ton of Christian rap: Cross Movement, John Reuben, anything by anyone in the 116 Clique... Right now I'm driving one town over so I can have a race with some Hmong guys from school and bumpin' some Trip Lee. One song in particular, "Gotta Grow," is almost the perfect way to describe how I'm feeling and what I need to do. It's about getting deeper in your faith- and it helps that the beat is a good bouncin' hip hop dance sound.

It's been kind of a crazy day full of ups and downs. Had breakfast with my dad's parents and my mom's mom. (Mom's dad is out of town). Then later I was online checking e-mails and listening to some music and heard from an elementary school guy Nick Cash. Didn't like him much back then- we constantly sent some zingers each other's direction, but he was good friends with my best friend, and I saw him on facebook a couple years ago and added him. We chatted maybe once since that add, but here he was sending me an inbox message about how much fun he's been having chilling with my sister Mel and dating Marvel. Dude's dating Marvel: small freakin' world. He said something about getting me to come hang out and catch up since it's pretty funny how close we are to each other's best girl friends. I shook it off, but told Jose about it later just for a laugh. He gave me that "Shock of Awe-some" look, and pulled up his laptop. "This Nick Cash?" Sure enough, Ninyo had a taped cage match on his laptop that my old school bully/buddy won. "Yep, that'd be the one. How'd you get this?" Jose then told me that on one of his many "business trips" to DM that he'd watch the fights. Ninyo also told me that Cashus was full-blooded Blood since about 5 years ago. This was not good news in case you were wondering. Among his tasks as an enforcer he also dealt a good amount and smoked his fair share of weed. My Melodious sister could use better influences. I worry about her; she's hanging with dealers and drunks, and her recent decision to online date and makeout with girls... It's all very different than Glandy or I would have ever pictured it. Even Jose says she's way too young to be getting in over her head in all this. I hope that she is oblivious to Nick's gang involvement, and that if she is aware that she's not doing anything remotely involved with that death trap of a life. I'd hate to think she'd justify it because of my racing, or Jose's years as one of them.

I pull into the driveway I was looking for, and smile huge as my buddy Ka comes bolting over. We've only gotten to hang out once or twice outside of school, but we have about half our classes together so we talk all day; and Jose and I wanted to do a race that won't have long term ramifications. Ka and his crew love their drift racing and down-and-backs, and they're all pretty harmless. Jose was placing bets but mostly just to keep the competition alive. Plus I saw from that gleam in his eye that even if we win Jose's gonna spend it on a party for us all. No problem with that in my book; we're pulling in enough money on legitimate racing to fund what I need to keep racing like this. It's a perfect day for it: no gangs, no cops, just 70 degrees and good friends to be around. It's the perfect day. Even the blacktop is perfect. The gentle sun and no wind don't even let the tar stick to your tires. It's the type of road that rollerbladers and skaters dream of; there's no bumps, no blemishes, no potholes, heck there's not even one _leaf_ on this entire two mile stretch. You could walk on this stuff barefoot and love it more than the tile in your kitchen. It's black velvet. I think that Babygirl loved it just as much as I did. Jose and I put different tires and rims on her than we normally used. The two up front had heavy grip, the back two are bald like the Nascar ones. That way with the four wheel drive you can still grip the road, get up and go, but let your back slide real easy around the drift. Ka and I went head to head on a couple figure 8 style drifts. Put a barrel every quarter mile, he started a mile in, I started right up close; whoever does 8 figures first wins. I was surprised to win any of the races since this was Ka's strong point, but it was a pretty even split. I won 3 of the 5 of that type, every straight race, and Ka and I teamed up and won 3 down-and-backs.

The craziness continues, only now the party is cut short for something I can only hope is minor. Jose would do anything for his sister, so I'm really hoping he's overreacting; but it sounds like Marianna is in seriously bad condition.

After a few minutes I figure out that Jeff is about to get what he's deserved, and I know it's gonna be something crazy to see. Ninyo's beaten up his share of thugs and punks with my knowledge already, but no matter what or where we were, from the scheduled fights to jumping some idiot that was dealing to kids, he _always_ brought some kind of weapon. He usually has his brass knuckles, but in really serious case he would take a bat or his blade, but tonight he left it all locked up. He was gonna kick Jeff's sorry, roophie-giving, sister-beating, desperate, retarded ass, but Ninyo was gonna do it personally. He wanted to feel the pain surge out of this jerk's skull. As much as I want to help, this needs to be Ninyo's, I'll catch Jeff if he runs, and I'll hold him down and maybe choke him out; but the hits come from Jose.

I thought it'd be quick, maybe ten minutes to find him at his house party, and then another twenty or so to hurt him; but Ninyo didn't stop til we heard sirens and saw the lights. He didn't kill Jeff, and I don't think any of it will be permanent; but that punk is gonna be limping or rolling around and looking through swollen eyelids for the next few weeks. The cops were coming to lock up Jeff for assault and attempted rape, but I gotta wonder how curious they'll be about his wounds.


	17. Chapter 17

Glandy-

2:04 am- like clockwork- well I guess it _is_ the clockwork I notice every time. The clock in the hallway is what wakes me up, or at least that's my excuse. It's four minutes slow, so it's chimes for two am are actually 2:04. As I realize this for the nine billionth time I come to the conclusion that I am a creature of habit whether I like it or not. I plug in my iPod and play my favorite playlist- it has everything from NeedtoBreathe to my current favorite song "100 Years to Live" by Five For Fighting. I know that everyone has a timeclock, everyone dies; and for some small reason that brings comfort to me. When he says "Fifteen there's still time for you"my fear is nullified; even adults want to be the age I am now. Should I fear that I won't impact the world, or make the most of my time? Nope. God will keep me on this side of Eternity as long as he deems necessary; I just need to enjoy myself and worship Him in everything I do.

I pop the pills I need to take and look for that low blue light from under Torrin's door that lets me know if he's up playing his bass or if he's asleep. There's no light but I still decide to riff a little myself before I hit the sack again. I've been tinkering with this melody in my head and I think I almost have it. I can only describe it as a sort of them song riff for a modern day sheriff movie. The kind of film where the cop bends a few rules but gets it all done; he drives a big American Muscle car and there's a few good shootouts. It's almost more of a bassline than a normal guitar riff but I can't let it go. I'm gonna use it on something meaningful with Barnabas. Something dulcet and smooth but that pierces your soul in a way that you'll want to listen again and again so you don't miss a thing.

Even after I harvest every movement I can from my slowly numbing and extremely calloused digits I still can't let my eyes close; the musical starts tomorrow night. I finally have a part that I get to speak a little. I'm playing Daddy Warbucks' butler in our version of Annie. Barnes is playing President FDR and even Marianna is singing a solo. It's crazy to see the mix of people in these things and how quickly we become comfortable with one another. I just wish there was a more clear cut way to solidify it for longer than to the end of the show next week. But as I'm too familiar in the Christmas season; that spirit dies too quickly in some people. And even those of us that know the real meaning behind the warm fuzzies tend to let it slip rather than sing the praises of our God.

Shoot- it's gonna be 5 am before I finally get back to sleep, I'll definitely need to nap after class if I'm not gonna yawn in the show. This is horrible; I know Barnabas is awake but I can't very well call or text him at his parent's house and he doesn't get cell reception that deep in the valley anyway. I'm gonna go drink a glass of milk and try again; and probably pray for sleep.

Jose-

Dammit I love satellite radio. I can only imagine the God-awful hick country twang that plays around here. All I see is corn, sky, road, and my homie Barnstormer. Road trippin' it to Des Moines- not exactly where I thought the scene would be this weekend but I can't complain with this dude crackin' jokes and freestylin' all the way. It'll be a fun time, but we're coming down cuz we're worried about that lil chicanna Melody and the story we heard that she bled into this gang life. That's not for girls like her, or girls in general. Hell it's not even fit for big idiots like me. But we gotta see how deep the Blood runs down here so we know how worried we gotta be about her hide.

Plus I caught wind there's a dude here, Anubis, supposed to be the truth. He got out a couple years ago and now he's some kinda doctor giving back to the hood. I'm hoping he'll have some idas on how I can relate to what he already did. And as much as I like being the original, I doubt I'll someone who's been there tellin me what's what.

I always feel like a boss when we roll up to park; but today I kinda wish Barny would keep driving. This.. "party" is like a serial killer's paradise. I can honestly picture that Jason guy sneaking out of a bush later and hacking up the first idiot to drunkenly stagger by. It's 3pm and these idiots are doing shots and playing beer pong, only thing left is bareknuckle boxing and some redneck in overalls.

Spoke. Too. Soon. Ipswitch, I didn't know anyone still played this barbaric routine. Two fools take their shirts off and whip each other like cattle one at a time with their belts til one of them gives up. I can tell my whiteboy is flipping out, and I'm startin to wonder how the fuck Mel can stand this setup. It's like the beginning of a damn Orbit commercial before she cleans everything up. Damn crazy- ass hillbillies getting' downright ridiculous.

HuHEEoo- Barny's whistle let's me know that our girl's close; and since we "forgot" to tell her we were coming we decide to wait to be noticed. And sadly, that didn't take long. Chris gives me that look that says "you called it" when Overalls comes over and challenges us to a round of Ipswitch and asks us who invited us in the firstplace. And of course "Leave it to Barny" is in "champion mode" and accepts the challenge before he even knows the game.

"Alright Ninyo- how do we beat some rednecks at their own game?"

"We get our asses beat to shreds. We take turns whipping each other with belts til one of us taps out." Kid's jaw drops cuz he knows I'm not feedin' him any bull on this one. Since we're the challengers they tell us we can choose metal or leather side to hit each other with. I usually go metal for the shock of it and because half the time it doesn't hurt any more. But I don't think that will comfort my gullible, arrogant gringo. So I let Barny choose leathers. "Jose, I'm sorry man- this is messed up I didn't know it was like this." I just smile and pat him on the shoulder cuz he knows I'll have his back regardless of what's goin' down; just like he's got mine. "I'll go as long as you do- don't you dare let me tap" - strong words from a kid who's never played this before.

The guy I'm head to head with taps out after 5 whips, but since it's team I have to keep going til they both tap. Spang's back is bleeding; his Aryan Nation piece of crap opponent keeps hitting the EXACT same spot every single time. Barny's got a huge welt and it's starting to cut deep. Too bad I can't hit this kid back for Chris, at least unless he taps out and it gets passed to me. But Barnes never tapped; took 17 whips on the same 8 inch spot but he got it done. He licked his last one so just the very edge landed and cut that racist, gap-toothed, meth smokin', petrolium pissin', motherless honky straight into his shoulder and stuck there til Barnstormer ripped it away. Spic and Spang tag team champs once again.

If only that was the only match! I finally got to meet the illusive and legendary Anubis. I only got to talk to him for about a minute flat though. "Dude I heard about how you got out the game, and I might need some advice later," Big Dog hands me his business card as he tosses his shirt off and then _decks_ another shoeless mullet cracker in the jaw. They had a fight for about forty seconds, and I'm pretty sure Anubis only got hit twice because he wanted to make it seem closer than it was. He knocked that punk the F _out._ I go to congratulate him and all I get is "not here- you should know better; call me tomorrow," as he walks away.

So the Blood runs deep down here. I wouldn't have thought Anubis would be edgy about it- considering how he actually bled out; but apparently there was more under the radar than just this American Gothic bullshit.

And then, in a thing of beauty, babygirl Mel can't take it no more and throws herself in the ring with Barny. She's got heart and the chops to match it. She's got a nice car too and knows how to do what she needs to do. Proud of her for that; but if it's really as thick as Anubis was makin it out to be then I'm worried for that little Irish doll.

Mel-

What the hell is wrong with this team? Spic and Spang, implies they're squeaky clean when they're just as dirty as me and all these other thugs. I bled in in the first place because I knew they were in! And they're pissed off at me! Worried for _me! _What a joke this is. So they beat up a couple of Slingblade lookalikes, who gives a shit? That's not a rush, it was barely a match.

I've had real rush. Finally found things that make my blood stir as much as races- and last longer than 8 seconds too. Pot didn't do it, but coke revs me up. I've been doing a couple bumps a week with some of the other Blood chicks, along with a hit of meth and some E at a concert last week. Meth freaks me out cuz of how it's made, but I can't lie and say it wasn't one hell of a good time. E was great fun too, but I didn't like how it felt like I was hyper drunk and had no control. I'll stick to my daily weed and my bi-weekly coke for the time being.

That and flirting with Kat and some other girls. Mostly it's online but there's this girl Mashawny that hangs out at the races here that I hit on and made out with a couple times drunk at parties. Nothing serious (I don' teven have her number) but it's always Blush Central on my face when I see her and hear that "hey sweet thing!" as she brushes her hand across my shoulders and back.

The real rush of the night though was finally going head to head against my brother Barnabas and his precious baby, that Chevelle. My pretty Nissan 350 Z all studded out looked like it had a few advantages like aerodynamics and maybe even a faster get-up off the block against that big bruiser; but I knew that American muscle had a huge top speed and that there's no way Ninyo would have a car without at least a few hidden mods. So I changed up the race; a back and forth. Drive fast as you can for a quarter mile; and drive back to the start in reverse. He had a good two lengths on me at the quarter mark- the rumble of his chassis overtook me right off the line and I never gained enough momentum to get back at him- even with Nos. His timing was precision, surgical. It pissed me off. I'd have graded myself at 96% on the forward, but Barny would have wrecked that curve for me. So I was especially lead-footed on the way back- and made sure to lock that wheel straight. He still beat me by over a length but at least I felt a little respectable that I gained a little ground against "88- the untouchable." Plus it's not like _I _placed that bet on me, so it's not like my set leaders can be too mad. But damn I felt like a child when I saw his happy-go-lucky-eh-it's-no-big-deal-I-just-spanked-my-little-sister smile of his. I'll get him back, and he better stay outta my way both with my car and with what I do in _my_ gang.


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18

Jose-

I love hanging out with my brothers; and of course I mean Glandyator and the Barnstormer. I'm pissed at myself that I thought I had a shot with Chastity and they're calming me down. She's a good girl, the kind that goes to church whenever she can and does daycare not because she has to but because she's passionate for it; and I'm a thug and a single dad.

"So wait- she didn't know Mikey was your kid before she agreed to dinner?" I think Barny's just tryna understand what's what, but it kinda cut into the wound a bit when he said it. "She think he was your brother or what?"

"Honestly brother I think she thought I was Mikey's uncle- since Mari usually takes him to daycare for me." I laugh and shake my head as I relive the last hour and Chastity's reaction to first realizing that I'm a single father and I asked her out. She's the kind of girl I assume lives up to her name; and not only am I clearly not a virgin but I'm also a father out of the deal.

Glandy looks down and back up like he was praying for the right thing to say and he found it. "So how'd she feel about you being a father and about the rest of your past?" Just like Glandyator- attacking at the heart of things.

"Dude once I realized she didn't know I was a dad I told her I'd be honest about anything she'd wanna know and she lead with 'Tell me about your tattoos.' and guys that was a tough convo for ya boy. I'm just hoping she trusted me when I told her I'm 100% out the life ya know? At this point I know a second date is a long way off, but I don't want thug life and calling the cops to be on her mind when I go pick up my son."

"So wait... you told her what _each and every_ tat means? That's crazy. I think she just wanted to process man. A normal girl that woulda called the cops woulda got up and left right then. You have got to realize that your tats and ya know... what they mean..." Barnes made a gun with his hand out of Glandy's view- hoping Glandy still doesn't know what that tear means, "is a whole lot to swallow for the average person. You're a new man from those months ago man- and you're only getting cleaner. And if she's not good for ya then she's not good for ya. You're fit and young and smart; you'll find that girl." There's why he's the Son of Encouragement- Barnstormer always pulling through to pick me up.

Glandy goes a different route, tossing me the iPod we jam in the garage. "Tell us how you feel about her man. Physically, mentally, emotionally and otherwise."

I smile cuz I have just the song for the first of those categories. "Baby U Got" and then "I Wanna Get to Know You" by G- Unit. "DAYUM she's fine guys- head to toe and everything in between." Glandy laughs it off and shakes his head- slightly surprised but with that nod that "he shoulda known" that I would pick a song like that. Then I grab it again and change it again, "This is for next week," and I hit "Encore" from Jay Z- the version with Linkin Park cuz I know Glandy knows the words to that one. We all laugh and Barnes claps in approval of my musical move.

We start workin on the sword car some more- I got the oldschool Nova frame set just right to fit the monster engine we're gonna drop in it. Glandy plugs in his guitar and we kick a few freestyles between Barnabas and I while we smooth out the lines before we add all the details Glandy's been drawin' up to the beast.

Mi abuela brings us cookies and some milk and laughs and dances as she sneaks out to the garage. "You boys are rockin' out here. Or is it rapping? I can never stay current but I do love that you're all here. Come inside later for more food- no leaving without an enchilada each. Marianna worked hard on them." I laugh as she dances out and lifts her pant legs so I can see she's wearing Mari's Osiris. That's my grandmother for ya. Hilarious and generous. As I stand up and tap Barny so he knows it's ok to take a rest from sanding to go eat Glandy tosses me my phone. It's a text from Chastity, "Hey- normally I'd call but i'm workin- next friday still on?" Guess she wasn't too pissed after all.

Barny-

Hearing Ninyo wonder if it was smart to go with Chastity gets my own mind racing. "Nena and I are on another 'break to figure things out.' She's my first girlfriend and I do usually like being with her and making out is great and everything but I wonder some if I can do better for myself. I'm not wondering if she's a good girl or anything, just if she's the right girl. Cherish called me today and that got me smiling and flirting more than I normally do. I'm not sure if I'm moral enough for Cherish- in fact I'm 90% that I'm not- but it is nice that I can get a good and gorgeous girl's attention like that. There's girls back from camp this last summer that I wouldn't mind getting' at. Good girls but at the same time wouldn't mind adventures like running out in the woods or crazy guy movies. The kinda girls that... here gimme the pod." I scroll til I find Good Charlotte and play "Seasons" and smile. It sums up the kind of relationship I'd like to have and feel. Glandyatorious is shocked, jaw dropped shocked, that I'd consider ending "Cory and Topanga," as he calls Nena and I; in pursuit of someone or something new.

I get Glandy to play that new riff he's been workin' on. "You know the one brother, the one that sounds like a Mark Wahlberg intro." And I kick a freestyle about what he and I have been talking about the last day or so. He nervously asked me "What's it like to makeout with a girl? Not just a kiss but a nice long passionate, emotional french kissing makeout? I've never done that, and I know it's weird but if you'd tell me that'd be cool." I nodded and made him a deal, "Glandy I've been wondering what it's like to live like you, so you tell me I'll tell you. We're brothers- we should do this anyway." So I asked him about AIDS and how he lives with it, emotionally more than anything. This is what I hit out of it.

I had a best friend- two of us were like brothers

Andy got autoimmune disease from his mother.

One day I finally got up the guts to ask

How he lived each day knowin' it could be his last

He turned out talked from AIDS and HIV

to a holy discussion on eternity

He gave me shivers, got me all shook up

How he lived each day always ready to look up

whole life pointed like a page in God's book. Up

in the attic he picked up his guitar and he sold me

on living each day for God, this is how he told me.

He said that My life is God's. just givin me back

When he said it like the amp was giving feedback

Cuz my brain was fried and I couldn't understand

how he would never blame God for dealing hand.

In and outta hospitals, the ER, and clinics

it would be understandable if Andy was a cynic

but the Glandyator was a true fighter for the King

when his whole life hit the fan he remembered one thing

he dug his six feet and struck oil

He turned his life into a beautiful turmoil.

He said "God can keep me alive as long as He wants

80 more years or just a couple a months.

Don't matter how long cuz whatever my lot

I just gotta make best of the time that I've got."

So even though it was just a couple more years

Glandy made an impact while he was here.

Even thought he was only here a few seasons

He set out to prove he was here for a reason.

So he said a little bit tongue in cheek

that his faith got stronger as his blood turned weak

And as he sat right there holdin' death's door mat

that if it was time to great the reaper he'd just tip his hat.

See, Barnes, it's not the disease that'll take me

not the pills, shots, and infusions that'll break me.

I'd die inside with no reason or way

that's why I take each painful last step for Yahweh.

See Barny, it's not the disease that kills

it's not using the time and honing my skills.

Truth is, Barny, I might outlive you, brother.

You like that nugget, well I'll give you another.

See we all got these hands we were given

and we all live by some code with the life we were given

but the code that I have means that my life won't end

long as I stay on the path that won't bend.

he dug his six feet and struck oil

He turned his life into a beautiful turmoil.

He said "God can keep me alive as long as He wants

80 more years or just a couple a months.

Don't matter how long cuz whatever my lot

I just gotta make best of the time that I've got."

So even though it was just a couple more years

Glandy made an impact while he was here.

Even thought he was only here a few seasons

He set out to prove he was here for a reason.

I remember, we both knew when it was Andy's last week

I remember thinkin' I hate this the outcome is too bleak.

But this time he raised his head, covered in sores

"Dude I see heaven and God standing at it's doors"

I don't know if he meant it as a metaphor

but there's comfort in the words of my best friend right before...

and he said it wasn't the disease that turned him on his head

wasn't the pain that made him know his old self was dead.

He said that God just picked him up one day and put Andy on the list

and after 15 years that's when he put down his raised fist.

See Andy was a Christian, but not til about three years from the timer.

He lived his life like a bullet, the disease was his primer.

He was ticked off, ready to combust

til he trusted in the God that made man from dust.

See Barny, we're all dyin' if not dead.

I just figured out a way to live eternally instead.

even if there wasn't life after my clock runs out.

God still deserves for us to be His devout.

He still made us, gave us life to be used in worship.

So even if I only live 20 years it'd be worth it.

And if I don't make it to twenty, still I gotta praise.

That's when he turned the fist into two hands raised.

he dug his six feet and struck oil

He turned his life into a beautiful turmoil.

He said "God can keep me alive as long as He wants

80 more years or just a couple a months.

Don't matter how long cuz whatever my lot

I just gotta make best of the time that I've got."

So even though it was just a couple more years

Glandy made an impact while he was here.

Even thought he was only here a few seasons

He set out to prove he was here for a reason.

Listen up close and I think that you'll find

that the beat and the music are cyclical with the lines

if ya went back to the start of the song in your mind

you'll see it started with a guitar and on with a silent mind.

"Dude- play that for me if my funeral's first." I take that as approval from my brother. Ninyo lets out a low whistle. "That's harsh- but the kind that hits your soul and mind just the right way."

Jose's Gramma makes me laugh. Always making us all call her "Abuela" and how she just hangs out with us. She doesn't care how loud our music is or what we're doing. Like my mom's mom. She's one of the few relatives I have that gets me. She's my buffer for my mom, because she "translates" why mom's flippin out and why I do what I do. I go over to their place and play cards almost every day after school cuz they're on my way home. She and I play cards and grandpa and I watch hockey if it's on.

I'mma miss them when I'm at college next year. But dang if it doesn't feel good to be almost on my own. I'm only a couple hours from home next year but that's enough. I think I'm going where my brother is, but I'm gonna study to be a veterinarian I think. Not 100% on it. Someone said I'd make a good youth leader or pastor. I'm not sure about that the way my life's been but it's something I'm thinkin about. Plus what will I do next year with Nena if we stay together? She's staying down here. Guess we'll cross that bridge when I figure out what I'm doing.

Glandy-

While the players talk about their issues and exploits with their girls; I try to cleverly come up with a way to join in the conversation without showing my hand. I'm extremely attracted to Marianna- but would like to keep my limbs; and since The Wookie is related to the girl- I'm gonna pretend I'm the smart droid and let the wookie be oblivious.

I saw her earlier this week, and if I didn't know her so well, or admire her face so much, I might not have noticed her slight bruise still hiding under her makeup from that tool Jeff. That's the other reason I can't talk to Chris and Jose about her; because I'm still ticked that they didn't include me when they found out Jeff did that to her. I wanted to bash his face in too. I want to at least FEEL like I can protect a girl. I mean, yes I have AIDS, but I'm still a man dang it! I lift weights and work on the car with them, they should know that. Anyway, she was still pretty anyway. I kinda want to kiss her again. Ok I _really _want to kiss her again. I guess God will give me the chance to do that in His own right. And if He doesn't, I'm willing to bet my life will still be right.

The rap Barnabas laid down was epic. He's starting to get cleaner- smoother- deeper, he's the Bionic Man version of Barny88. It hit me hard though, and I liked how he hit my mindset and laid out a legacy for me. But it cut too, it usually does when I realize my own mortality. It's like Breathin to Death or the song Don't Wanna Waste My Life by Lecrae. Leaving a legacy worth my Lord. I guess that's what I can do for myself too.


	19. Chapter 19

Marvel-

I found my brand new anthem for my life. "You" by Atmosphere. That Slug dude knows my life exactly, and he put it to music. I mean, exactly. I'm a waitress, I hate customers but play nice when they ogle and such, and I think it's crazy that I work all the time and need three roommates to afford anywhere to live. I've got Marie, Cherish, my boyfriend Cash and I love them, but I hate knowing I'd be homeless without them- even working two jobs. I'm a hostess at Perkins, and I wait at Hooters. Wait am I waiting for? Money, a house, a marriage proposal from a guy I love but damn is he hopelessly clueless. He's too preoccupied thinking about his next fight or about who he is on his own that he forgets that we can be married if he only asked. Slug missed one thing in that song though; I don't just get mad at the customers that check me out or get grabby, I yell at my boyfriend for thinking I can't handle myself.

I'm not entirely sure I can handle everything either, and Nick would KILL me if he found out I applied at one of the strip clubs. But whatever, he has his MMA bullcrap, and he knows I hate that. I can have something he doesn't approve of if it makes me more money and makes me feel pretty. I mean- don't get me wrong I don't find any of the guys I saw there attractive (at least not more than my Cashus) but it is nice to have eyes follow you around a room. I just hate their hands, and the stupid crap they say. I know- double standard but I like the looks, not the thoughts and actions that follow.

But Cashus... I hate his guts sometimes but damn is he the best man for me. He doesn't put up with my crap and he and I have fun together, but we don't ever go too crazy. He won't let me drink too much and I'll tell him when he's had enough too. He tends to get a little... ok to put it in the form he jokes "Come at me Bro," when he's too drunk. I don't worry he'll get hurt so much as I worry he'll go to jail for beating someone up.

I wish he'd get a real job. Or get a job where I can see him more. Somehow he's the one man in the world I trust, and I wanna be around him more.

Mel-

Ah! My boys. All of them! I'm lucky I have more than just one or two to love and trust. My daddy and my brother Nick come first of course, but followed up quickly by my "brothers" Barny and Glandy. Even Jose's starting to earn a better hug when I visit or they do; despite the fact that they hate my recent racing and smoking activities. Seriously though, those three amigos, or stooges as it seems lately with their pranking, are the best guys I could have. I know it's typical to "friendzone" the guys you're close to but seriously it's not appropriate for me to like any of them. Glandy likes Mari, Barny has Nena, and Jose has Chastity. Plus... I just broke up with Kat, it's hard for me to trust guys and girls in that setting now. I hate that now I wonder if anyone is hitting on me, and that I wish more people would. I can't tell who thinks I'm pretty and who doesn't; or who I think is creepy and horrible against who's nice and cute.

Change by Good Charlotte is rocking my heartstrings hard. Line after line is making me cry and picture different people that I wished loved me still, loved me differently, loved me better, loved me at all. "I am lost and see-through I think you lost yourself too/throughout all of this confusion I hope I somehow get to you... from the first time I saw you I only thought about you... things you never say to me... can't change the way you feel but you can't tell me this ain't real..." It makes me look like that somewhat emo chick from One Tree Hill, Peyton, but I don't care. I'm going to sit in my room today and light some candles and write out my feelings- listen to break up songs and cry until I go to work tonight. Not all the songs are bad, cuz not all of what I'm feeling is bad. I miss Kat, and would love to still be a part of her life, so some of the songs are like Nat King Cole's "Just One of Those Things;" but some are like "Venus Vs. Mars" by Jay Z. Bittersweet, dammit _that_ sound be my nickname- bittersweet.

I'm still mad at those jerks for showing up and embarrassing me in front of my crew but I know they're worried about me. And when they ended up taking me to work and to see my newest assignment, a little Sudanese refugee boy we call "Sud" or Dan since I can't get a real name out of him yet, I really saw the guys for what they are, my brothers. The feeling I had when Chris asked me the Dinka word for "Hi" so he could talk to Sud felt almost as good as when I tried "molly"- pure exstacy a month ago. These guys care, but I'm still not quite ready to give up on my fun and parties.

That narcotic high coursing through my veins is as good as the adrenaline pump I get when I course my Nissan 350 through the finish line two lengths in front of some know-it-all jock with daddy's car; and the chemical induced high lasts longer. Besides, the only guys I want right now I'd like to get inside me. This pesky virginity issue is killing me, I need some damn attention.

Cherish-

Icon for Hire's "Make a Move" should _not_ have been a free download on iTunes! SUCH a good song. And unfortunately, the title is exactly what I'd like Chris to do, make a dang move already! His frickin' girlfriend is a flippin' witch and he complains about her all the time and can't seem to please her no matter what he does and yet he STAYS with her rather than come to me. I mean, I'm pretty, I'm awesome and I'm sweet, or at least that's what Barnabas the Beautiful constantly reminds me of. Well, to be fair he says similar things to Melodious, but he _kissed _me the last time I was in Gorin. Don't you dare call yourself a skank, Nicole Melody Gunderson, they were broken up at the time.

Maybe I'm just vulnerable. The last guy I went out with wasn't exactly a charmer. "OH! A good Texan boy! Honey have fun, they're all alike and they're all so gentlemanly." That's what mom said, and she'd be right if all the men in Texas were actually like my Dad, the Navy Seal good ol' boy. But Tommy was... and I only kinda hate swearing in this case... an ass. A HUGE ass! He's a racist for one, commenting that he was "glad that the black chick is a waitress and not a cook" because it'd be awful to eat her food since blacks "always either overcook, and either way it's like I can taste the dirt off their hands." Lord knows I wanted to punch him just for that. Somehow I managed through a decent meal with awkward silence and worse conversation, and was somewhat glad he paid for my meal at least. But then, he had the stones to ask if I wanted to stay over at his place, and that "pajamas won't be necessary." I gagged. The next song goes out to Thomas, "Leave" by JoJo.

I wish boys were more like the gentleman I see in Glandy. He's the kind of guy that would play "Just a Kiss" by Lady Antebellum before I would, and agree with all the sentiments of the lyrics. Why can't all boys be good like those two? Lord, I pray you bring me a combination of the looks and kindness and creativeness of Christopher "Barnabas" Spang and the gentle, loving, faithful love of Glandy.

Marianna-

Ugh, boys suck. Went on my first date since the night in the hospital. The only song that fits is one I stole off Cherish's laptop: Carrie Underwood, "Before He Cheats." Except for the fact that I wasn't the one he was cheating _on_ but rather the one he was cheating _with._ Damn did I feel like a stupid hoe. The idiot went to the baathroom, left his phone on our table. "Baby- cant wait to kiss you tomorrow! ;) 12:15 at the airport!" I didn't _mean_ to see the text, but it was there. I wanted to grab a baseball bat myself and beat his Mustang straight back into the basic elements it's made of. Arrogant son of a bitch. And he had the _balls_ to ask me if I prefer sex, making love or "fucking." I showed him his phone, and asked which she preferred. I only didn't throw my drink in his face because it was a damn good drink! Nothing alcoholic, just Coke and grenadine, but who has grenadine at home to mix it that way?

Andrew is a good man, why did I not get him to ask me out? Or better yet get him to be my boyfriend. Right now I don't care that he has AIDS, especially if he always kisses as good as he did that night. I don't even care that Jose would never approve, but not liking us together because of his AIDS is like not liking me because I'm a darker skinned Latina, neither of us had a choice. Glandy is a great man, and he's a good Christian, a good leader; I really could see myself with him, or someone very near like him.

Jose would hate it, but that's just because he's concerned about me. I love that big ape, but he can be thickheaded. I love that he's starting to care more for Mikey, but he's got to completely clean himself up. He needs a better gig than the garage too. He makes enough to live on and support his son there, but he needs to like.. expand it or branch out past just the hoodrats and break downs near the shop and drum in bigger customers with more bankroll than a handshake and 20 bucks. I'm afraid if he doesn't that he'll get back into dealing when Mikey wants things like new toys or a basketball or a car someday. And I love Mikey too much to see his dad do that. He fell asleep on my shoulder today for the first time since he was a month old, he's old enough to stand and kind of balance now. I can't wait til I can stand up on my own strong enough to get the right man to stand next to me.


	20. Chapter 20

Barny-

Here it was- my third Perfect Storm Party- end of an era of racing and thuggery for Jose and I. We haven't been to any races or deals or even car shows in about 4 months. We've just been working on the still unfinished Sword Car. I'm racing at least 8 times tonight- and I'm guaranteed to win each and every one. We had literally every guy in the shop working on my car and doing the math of which tools, tires, treads, tanks and tunes to use to give me that optimal performance I need tonight. Tek is going _down _like he's either groveling or drooling over my crotch. I hate that idiot and can't wait to take absolutely every single dime he brings to this. Anubis is coming too. This is our Superbowl- or Wrestlemania- the day you see all the old champs, new challengers, and current superstars, and we are pulling out all the stops. I stroll into the shop- no one says a thing, we just know we're ready and what we need to do. Jose and I are in some kind of weird meditative state. He hands me the keys and smiles- hits play on the iPod as we go over the car once more in silence- handing each other the tools we need psychically, "Without Me" by Eminem blaring through the shop; the crew loading the truck with extra Nos and fresh tires just in case I feel like changing them out. I grab the iPod after the song is over and nod, "Forgot About Dre" comes on. Ninyo smirks and gives me that almost too hard slap handshake he's got. He's my Dre, I'm his Slim Shady, and nobody's gonna forget us. This is the night that out legend doesn't just continue, it spreads. The kind of thing that makes King Arthur who he is: name whispered in stories for people who dream of swords and nobility. We will be kings among these thugs that dream of burning rubber and the respect that comes with a guap after winning by a car length. We make one last pass over it all, turn the ignition over with the hood open and smile. It's ready, roaring. We slam it shut and hop in together- Jose riding shotgun as we ride slow and easy through town blaring "Where the Party At?" by Nelly and Jagged Edge.

Stone's there- Tek's guy. I smile as I see him shining up his BMW Z3- I'll admit it's sleek, but I find it comical that he's revving it like he stole my girlfriend: he has zero chance of winning with that. He's thinking the quick 0-60 will be enough to compensate for his driving. We're on a bluff, fool. We're going on sharp turns, uphills, downhills. His sleek little Matchbox will zip but he won't handle those turns well with all his weight in the front; not unless he's practiced this hill every day for a month. And I know he hasn't; because I've been out here every day for two months. Nena will be the queen tonight, her beautiful curtain shaped just right to allow the least amount of drag but still up high enough to not drag on any part of the pavement. Her tires having just the perfect amount of wear to not stick in one place but instead pull to the next rotation smoothly while still being able to hug tight on those hairpins. Her engine primed, cleaned, drained and filled with only the cleanest, purest of chemicals for the least chance of sputtering, stalling, or skipping, but only the purest flow from ignition to exhaust. Oh, the places she'll go. Anubis comes over to our car and slaps with Jose and nods to me. "You were at the Iowa trip weren't you? Barnabas- the Son." It occurs to me this was the first time someone has verbally communicated with me today, but I still don't audibly reply and just nod to the Great Dog. He nods and places three bills in Jose's palm, "bet it all, and when I win, bet it all again. Every race on him, I know enough to know I should be getting back 9 times that at least." He lifts the hood, not even to clear any doubt or to check if he made a wise investment; I can tell he's looking just because he respects Ninyo and knows it will be an impressive sight. "Listen UP!" he bellows and turns to the first race of four cars. It's X- the Asian dealer from my first party, Stone, some redneck and myself. "It's a down and back- from the lookout- around the Super 8 at the bottom- and back up, first one crosses this line gets the green and the go ahead to choose their next battle. After that second race, no repeat racers until the finals. Keep it clean, no bumping or clipping, and if you do you answer to all of us." The crowd cheers and nods, we respect this game too much tonight to do anything that stupid, and we don't want to pull any cops from the parades.

I rev up on the straight away and get it to 90 before the hill drops, and then slip into Neutral. I know I've got enough speed now to keep a good lead, and I know that if I'm in any gear that I'll just grind as I swerve through this myriad of lefts and rights. I drift through each turn with ease, X gets close in the third right, but overshoots on the left because his foot's still on the gas. Then I see the man I want- Stone, in my rear view about two lengths back and gaining. I see the bottom of the hill, a hard 90 degree turn before the hotel parking lot, so I switch into low gear and break; leaning my full weight into it. I stay **tight** to the corner; no room for him to get around me unless he pulls some magic to the outside. He breaks behind me instead, playing into my hand. He's got to slow down now- and I shift higher and higher, leaving him more and more lengths back. X isn't as stupid and learns from Stone's mistakes, passing him on the outside on the straightaway. I've got almost exactly a quarter mile til the hotel so I get it to 5 and hit the gas, increasing my lead. I manage to get back to the hill before they're even in second gear on the way back. I've got the biggest lead I've ever had. I relax, breathe, and go full board up the hill now. Shit, the hillbilly, where the fuck did he go? I feel my hands get clammy, cold sweat runs through my shirt as I go through each turn backward in my mind, trying to foresee any outcome. I honk as I see his lights around the most treacherous bend of them all. "How the hell did I get almost a half mile lead on him? … Is this him? … is it a cop? Did he get busted and I'm just the first one headed to a sting? … Will he see me in time to swerve? … Are those... breaklights or siren lights?" I find out quickly, he's breaking. The idiot is _breaking_ on a downhill. He has absolutely no balls and no sense. You don't break when someone's coming at you, you hold speed and get out the way. I can't tell if he's on the inside or the outside. I'm guessing since I have this big a lead on him that he's going slow, and that means he'll be on his inside, if he's smart. I'm banking on the intelligence of a kid that's old enough to graduate college and doesn't have a GED. Our mirrors bump as I pass him on the outside, X and Stone now both in my mirror again, only 3 lengths back. I ride the center, knowing I have more climbing power than the Z but not sure how well X's Honda can trek up this hill. I just rev it and go, and with two turns left, I know I can still make them if I hit the magic button. I flash my lights, hoping I don't have to honk and draw more attention to us for the crowd to know I'm coming in hot and to get out of the way.

I chose X for my next race, wanting to save Tek's crew for the finals, where we can really bleed them dry of every dollar they earned over the evening. I won every heat by at least a length that night, even the straightaways. Anubis was pleased at his 3.5k return on his initial investment and Jose was old to embarrass his old friend and new nemesis. Tek wasn't nearly so pleased. That was the first night we left a party because someone pulled a gun. Jose dove into the floorboard of the passenger side as I sped off without closing my door let alone buckling up before hitting full throttle. I drove the only place I could think of that I could lose him, town. Of course within seconds we had two cops on us, and I just hoped to the Lord that they saw Tek's firearm before they started running Nena's plates. We swerved up hills, through intersections without stopping, this way, "turn here"'s and finally got to the valley just far enough ahead to have the crew run their rehearsed "cop block" and run each truck through a cross street between us. We parked as fast as we could in a friend's garage and switched cars to a plain black Civic with enough tint to mask us if not hide us completely as we watched the cops zip by us. No sign of Tek.

A couple hours later as we're sitting on the front porch with Marianna I get a call from Anubis. "I didn't have your number so I got it from Melody. We've got a truce, but we're having a brawl at the next race. X, Stone and Tek all three at once against your man, you, and me. I'll hit you later with the when and where."

Marianna-

I saw Andrew today again. He looked better than he did last week, thin and ghost white, but still not quite back to his normal shade and weight. Scary to think that since he's always so paper-thin. I brought him an old Frank Sinatra vinyl I found at a record shop as well as Gavin DeGraw's stripped album. It's all acoustic and pure and he riffs his voice even more than normal, yet somehow it's not an annoying riff like Christina Aguilera doing the same thing would be. Michael Buble's "Haven't Met You Yet," swings itself into the top spot of my random playlist as I day dream about Glandy and ironically wish that he'd recalled that we have, in fact, met. And kissed. I just wish it made sense to date him. It's not like I'm dating anyone, but if I would I'd wish that he'd allow it.

Mikey's sleeping and breathing to the beat of my sleepy song list; at least he was before the Dumbass Duo screech to a halt in the driveway. That's what I get for rocking him on the front porch, a screaming, sleepy toddler. A little over two now and only terrible when we deprive his sleep. "Here I was proud to watch your son and glad he's almost speaking fully understandable sentences, and I see you too idiots haven't changed a damn thing. Where the..." I catch myself from swearing in front of the word-forming child "..heck have you two been?"

"Mari- it's not like that, we were racing but it was a clean race, not supposed to get out of hand."

"So I'm supposed to believe that y'all are just Spic and Spang now huh? Was that siren parade for the Apple Dumpling Gang or for you jerks?" Barny laughs and asks if the play on words was stolen from my dear new friend Melody. "she stole that nickname from me, I was just waiting for a good time to use it. At any rate I'm gonna bounce. Here's your son, I'm gonna go to a party with the dance team, so... have a blast." I turn and leave, only half pissed off. I try to trust the brute and his Barny, but it's hard to know if they have changed their ways or if they just put pearls on their pigsty. At any rate I'm glad that Mikey has a dad that at least has a legitimate paycheck on file now, and not just cash handoffs from a band of thieves and thugs gambling. I love all three of the men on that porch, but somebody's got to clear the fog from their mirror so they can see they're still acting the same as they did last summer.

Jose- "Take Mikey and Nana downstairs. Mikey! You want a root-beer float? I'll bring ya one in a bit." Make sure Nana takes the sawn-off.

We walked in playing "You Don't Know" off of Eminem's Re-Up album; it's about idiots that act like they don't know who's running all this. After the finals I find "Bandoleros" on the iPod and crank the bass so that Tego and Don Omar capture the way that Barny and I feel- like bandits, like mere mortals that just overthrew tyrants and cut their heads off, now celebrating by making themselves kings instead. Gotta admit, we exploded on every level. Like the engine roaring in Nena we were firing on every cylinder of our well oiled machine flawlessly. I had just 2 boxing matches tonight. I ripped both of them apart. Only twenty dollar bets but they paid for the gas we put in the car so, hey, more for the black column. Tek is pissed, seething, wanting revenge, spouting off at how we cheated or rigged it since the guy that dropped the flag is my friend. Anubis had to have explained the aerodynamics behind his bandana so that Barnabas would know the exact moment it would touch the ground because that's the kind of thing white boys do in their spare time, right?

Well, we did rob him; that's what Bandoleros do. It's just a shame Tek knows it; cuz even for a dumbass he's not too blind to see his pockets got shallower as mine hit the trenches. Motherfucker is pissed like the smurf he is getting stuck under a pitbull's favorite hydrant. And just like I was out for Blood, he's out for mine. One more race Barnes, the line is anywhere past the range of 9 mm lead.

At least that's what I thought. Anubis, our "impartial" referee, has one more idea. "A fight, youngbuck. But not here, not with nines. Tek and his two bitchass retards, against Jose, his racer that looked all too _good_ taking your money by over a length every time, and... me. Goes down a week from now behind the Y; only place with fences high enough to mask what we're doing to cops, and that is ok to be loud since the frat houses are close by." I shake on it with the sun dog and clap Barnabas on the shoulder and laugh at his Casper lookin, jaw dropped mug. He's not scared so much as shocked since we don't ask him to fight and we're throwing him into the pit with the Devil.

After Mari stormed off I just toss Mikey in the air a few times on the porch. Making that kid laugh is probably the one thing innocent about my life that I enjoy. My boy's almost 2 by now, he's talking a little bit and knows the words for his favorite things and people. Good thing. "Mikey, go inside and tell Nana you want to watch Mickey Mouse ok? I'll bring rootbeer downstairs in a minute!" I quick open the side window from the porch and knock the wood chest were my grandmother keeps her sawn-off shotgun, the reminder of my "father's" old Chicago gangland activities. She nods, wide-eyed but she sees the SUV creep up to our drive and Tek get out. "Nana, I'll yell down that I'm bringing rootbeer if it's clear. Shoot anyone else that comes down." She kisses my hand since that's all her tiny frame can reach, makes the sign of the cross like a good Mexican Catholic and begs me to only go as far as needed, and put my pride aside if that's best.

I start to weigh my options before I see Tek's boys each step out with either bricks or handguns, can't tell in this light. But that means they can't see what I have either. Glad Barnabas' brother warmed up my pitching arm this last week. I pick up one of the landscaping stones and wheel it at the windshield, as soon as it shatters I race off the porch and tackle the first armed guy I see. Tek wasn't holding anything so I blaze right past him. His boy's head cracks the pavement louder than the glass shards did so I turn my attention to the other guy. I'm still standing, just bowled over the first like a lineman; so I have a strong right hook to connect with, followed by a stomp to the right knee. I raise my knee up to meet his jaw as he falls and this punk is stone _cold _out. I face Tek now, every vein in my body, every ounce of my soul ready to kill him, but somehow those same instincts keep me from tearing into him like Christmas dinner. "Next week. And if you come after me or my family again I'll cut your throat." And just for the added fun of 'because I can' I pull out my switchblade and stab it through his passenger side tire. "Get the hell off my property, bitch."

And there's that innocent thing I love so much again. Mikey loves rootbeer.


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21

Cherish-

It's really difficult to focus on what to write about when I can't stop thinking about that BOY! And I finally found that perfect type of song to describe it. Jess Moskaluke's "Amen Hallelujah." He finally broke up with her for _real_ instead of one of their little breaks that his mother pressures him into. Christopher the Barnabas is single, and I would love to have him change that with me. And that song is perfect, the man she describes someone so similar to Chris from the "six feet of beautiful" and "whole lot of rock with a little bit of roll" to "nothing this boy don't got" even the chorus "Amen Hallelujah" describes my thankful prayer that he's even a part of my life: even if that part is not romantic yet.

Even what I'm writing about for this contest I just entered reflects his musical and poetic influence on my soul. It's a fantasy contest I'm doing online; it's just for fun but there is a cash prize for the winners. I'm writing about a demon fairy. I know it sounds strange out of context but someday I'll post it online so go back and read it later. Chris laid down this genuinely soul pounding series of lyrics- open rhythm and open-hearted acapella that shook me to my core. He wrote an operetta set to his life put in Narnia basically. He wrote himself into The Lion the Witch and the Wardrobe, and his muse for knowing he needed change was this evil little fairy that taunted him into believing he was less of a man than he is. Maybe... yeah I have a copy he mailed me.

As I contemplate and start to comprehend my impending enslavement

I realize the exponential moments I was trapped in a cave- went

outta my way to rush cracked both ankle and skull upon the pavement

"wouldn't slow down til life caught up" is how I pictured that my grave went.

Although what snapped was my tibia what hurt most was my pride

Because for several months I was fibbin ya or straight lied.

Trying to escape but not running, Dr Jekyl tried to hide

both my life and my ankle slid back the day I thought I died.

On a positive note I grooved back into the joy

I had before I grew- back when I was a boy

But now I live paycheck to paycheck- pray that it's enough

and hope that when they hear these lines they won't call me on my bluff

because some of the between the lines isn't all fact.

but merely interludes for interchanges meant only to distract

To shift your eyes away from lies from not what is but could

and when your life's a flaming hell- to focus on the Wood

The same oak they use to stoke the flames has also caused redemption

I see these lines have caught your mind and that was their intention

Pray to God but row for shore- the way the Russians say

this is how the life I had before is different from today

I gotta leave a legacy like Dibiase, cody Rhodes

so the way I broke my leg can unlock further codes.

But I can relate to the shape and the state that you're in

and as I breakdown this shakedown in the wake of earthquakes

I see that even immortals suffer because of this world of sin.

but since I was the little monkey that fell off the bed

I had a vision of a fairy who danced in my head

and she looked fickle and conniving as she whispered my dread

"sorry simple knight but it seems that you're dead"

but to my cred I knew to trust in the Lord and Savior

but blood boiled, sweat ran as I recalled my behavior

if my sins would burn up would there be any left to Barnes?

my whole life would be unraveled just like a ball of yarn

and as each thread twist turns and gets tangled in it's knots

my gut wrenches and pains for what Spangle is and what he's not

I am a jerk I am a punk I am a wretched human being

and when time came to step up you could often see me fleeing

that is if you could catch me as I rounded all the bases

I can sometimes recall names but I'm fuzzy on the faces

of those I played in trade as they flipped my pages first

so I stayed in one place as I watched my bubble burst

To shift your eyes away from lies from not what is but could

and when your life's a flaming hell- to focus on the Wood

The same oak they use to stoke the flames has also caused redemption

I see these lines have caught your mind and that was their intention

That fairy flew back to point and laugh in my face

and she played the theory of my life to show my disgrace

until the Lion burst through and he ripped it to shreds

Barny's a new creation- the old one IS dead.

and he laid his paw upon my shoulder and I stared into his scars

knowing each one was meant for me- more numbered than the stars

I saw my father take the blame for my shame and mistakes

but he smiled and nodded to the table that cracked in the quake.

I shook myself and felt my whole personhood tremble

as he showed me that in death it's not I but HE that I resemble.

and in a cold sweat I sat up- cold to the core

making sure the dream was over I listened for the snore

I was motivated- suddenly eyes flamed for the chase

a myriad of marathons for running this race.

and I was determined to win I would become champion

and I would wake up ready like a bizzaro Ambien

the Lord had me by brain, heart, and desire

and I could feel my backside light up for I was over a fire

And here I was ready for it- obstacles aside

the only thing now stopping me was my own foolish pride

I laid that down like shoe shine boy- this Underdog would fly

when one day I'd sit at the feet of GLORY forever in the sky.

And ok, so I wrote a whole story from the perspective of the fairy and what I imagined she did for the White Witch and the Devil, and if she was once a nice fairy or a good one, or if she always wished of rebellion and watching the world burn. But in my mind, I only wish of rescuing that knight, or letting him rescue me, and hopefully conquering the piece of the map we're a part of, and somehow making it a better place. Chris is a good man, and we've gone back and forth on whether we belong together or not, and this time we finally might sync up in our relationship timing. Especially since he's planning on going to Northwestern or the University of Minnesota, and I'll hopefully be at the U for veterinary science next year on a fast track two year program to become a large animal veterinarian in the Midwest. He'll be within a 20 minute drive no matter which school he ends up at. My closest male friend, and I do have a phone date with him later tonight.

Ok, how do you let a boy you're completely obsessed with know that you like him, but mask how much? I don't want to freak him out; and I know that should I go too fast and romantic with him it will ruin us, since he JUST got out of his relationship with Nena. OOO that gives me a direction of how to write the witch for my story! Controlling, manipulative, hobbit-like, crazy, bottle blonde... sorry tangent. I'm painting a lot lately, and debating a tattoo for myself. Not like a biker chick tattoo, but something respectable and cute. Lots of line drawings like pinstripe styles and girly. Maybe a fairy, or something like that. I've always been into medieval things, and Daddy's even gonna teach me how to hunt with a bow when he and my siblings, Mel and Nicholas, all go next year. I like that idea actually, a little fairy on my hip or something. I don't know I'm still toying around with it. I'm not the "rebellious" type. I study, I go to church, I do the goody-two-shoes dance. Sandra D. and I would have been best friends _before _the transformation in the end credits. You know it's bad when your own mother points out that you should get in trouble. O! Now I get why Melody calls me Smalls, like in Sandlot! Gosh I need to have an adventure. I think I'll go surprise the boys!

Mel-

No more hard drugs for me, my body simply can't take it, nor can my career. I need to tell myself that every day but I can NOT fail a drug test considering ninety percent of the jobs I'll get as a translator involve government supervision, I need to start being a good girl. I'm still drinking and I smoke cigars because in the words of the absolute worst song ever by the absolute worst artist, Yelawolf, "I Just Wanna Party."

Oh, and of course I'm still driving. Marvel took me to a legitimate track where we were allowed to burn through a set of my tires with my personal car. It felt really nice but not quite the same exhilarating moment as crossing an illegal finish line. Maybe if I race against someone rather than just driving... We'll see, but either way I need to ween myself away from that old wretched life; and that will be tough to do with my crew still nearby and the fact I can't move yet.

It's like that song "Top of the World" by the Cataracs when you listen to it before watching the music video. The title and chorus make you think that partying is the top of the world, but watch the video and they reveal more of the dark side of it, and on accident. All the girls strung out, not moving, a little sweaty, overall pathetic. Pretty, yes, gorgeous even, but so strung out they can't lift their heads up proper. "Shoulda Known" by Atmosphere hits me as a more appropriate song for how I should treat that life. But _dammit _if it's not addicting as... well... crack. Glad I only did that a couple times but the high is so **not** worth the fall afterward, physically and emotionally.

My life is becoming more of a battlefield, like one of Cashus' MMA fights. He's gotten so good. Well, I think he's good anyway, he's won the last few I saw and it was kinda fun to go to. Everyone gets all pumped up and screaming when he lands a good throw. High paced, loud music, crazy tattooed people: my kinda party I guess. If I have to be sober that is.

There's one high I'm not going to give up anytime soon, hanging with the fellas. I'm starting to love Glandyator and Barnabas more, and Jose and my new "boyfriend" Mikey when I see him. My word he's getting big and I love it. He's so handsome and adorable and gentlemanly! My word, he opens every door for me, or asks me to wait while he tries _so _hard to push it for me if it's too big for him. I, of course, cannot dash his manliness and tell him I'll get it; so I wait til he triumphantly shoulders his way just enough for me to fit in sideways through the frame. And, oh my, does he grin when I tell him, "thanks my handsome guy." Love him.

But there's another man slipping his way into my life, a little refugee from Sudan, who we've affectionately nicknamed Sudaniel or Sud. He's here as a medical refugee. Basically he's f-ed (watching my language is gonna be another tough vice to quit, maybe I should start smoking cigarettes again or something, get fat on chocolate?) and not f-ed in the fun way. He's only in the U.S. for as long as it takes him to get a surgery for a nasty gash on his shoulder and the physical therapy to heal it. His whole family was shot in his home country and he and several other _young_ kids, I'm talking anywhere from month-olds to 17 had been trekking through the jungle for safety. Well, they think they found Sud's uncle or something so he has to go back to Sudan after this surgery, luckily it's at Mayo Clinic; and what's more lucky for that kid is that I am his caseworker. As one of the few people that is legally allowed to translate from Dinka (Sudanese native language) to English I've had the privilege of doing that, plus translating from 2 year old into adult, for this very deserving child. And since I have a crazy smart and caring family, I found out that he's also allowed to be placed into our C.P.S. and also the American adoption systems while he's here on refugee status! I haven't been one to pray but I sure am for this little kid.

In either case, I won't see Sud for the next week or so, he's got some little kid thing they're making him a part of at the clinic. And the worst thing for sobriety is staying around the things that make you want to use, so I need adventure. Time to go see the fellas. I think that's why Cherish has been gorging me on Flyleaf, it's the sound I've grown to love but it's Christian so I think she prays it saves me and makes me think of the good people I know and love and trust. "All Around Me" is a particularly good track that hits home to me. That little twig of a chick reminds me of what I want, and not just because we have similar body types. We both have a soul that sings for what we love and what we desire, in her case it's God, in mine it's been... something. I don't know what yet. But we also _**scream **_for what we need. In this song she feels what I assume is God all around her; wouldn't that just be tremendous? I can't even begin to imagine that but I hope I find it someday, and obviously my sister hopes to rescue me as well. Speak of the angel, "Wanna go see the guys in Gorin this weekend? I have a hankerin to surprise them," she giggles at her own redneckedness.

"You know what, Platinum?" I stifle my laughter as I poke fun at her natural blonde hair, "I was just thinking I could use a shot of good boy music, metal, and machismo." I'm not ready for a romantic adventure, which I assume from her deer-in-headlights stupid grin that she is, but it'd be nice to see the men I love.

Marianna-

"Satisfaction" by Eve, my new anthem, blaring through my phone early this morning to remind me I gotta wake up and grab life by the balls and make it obey! HAHA! Today's gonna be a good day, I got accepted into nursing school, and hopefully that leads into the internship I want at Mayo Clinic, huge specialty options and things like that. I'd like to be a doctor someday if I can get the grant money. In the meantime I'm paying my own way for everything, no boyfriend, no scrubs, no illegal side jobs to "subsidize my income" as my idiot brother always puts it.

The boyfriend things can change soon, but I'll keep paying my own share, thank you very much. I love hanging out with Andrew (Glandy) but I'm not sure if he's too scared to make a move or what. We still talk and stuff and he hugs me better than any man in the universe could when I see him, but I'm not feeling that emotional fire we had a week ago. Maybe I'm over thinking things.

Someone thought I was Mikey's mom yesterday. It's a sad thing to think about that a girl my age wearing her highschool Senior sweatshirt with this year as the graduating date on it can, in fact, have a three year old. But I love the little goober, and the fact that no one at all has any motivation nor desire to cut his afro, even my crazy grandmother loves it. "Makes him look like a cartoon, but damned if it isn't the cutest damn thing in the world." And she's not wrong, my nephew is adorable. I should take him someplace, and he can be my date for the day. Mall of America, here we come.

Cashus-

I busted through the doorway to "Brandenburg" by Black Violin, the part right after the beat finally drops. That's how I fight, elegant and stylish at first but then a huge right hook like I was quoting Sgt. Dotes from Dexter, "Surprise, Muthafucka!"

That's why I don't doubt why Tek and Stone wanted me to fight for their crew, I can throw a good punch, and so far haven't lost a single bout. I prefer hitting rather than making them submit. Anyone can get lucky with an armbar if you get them on the ground. A knockout takes skill, waiting for that moment to make them see the POW like an Adam West Batman. I know they knew Jose and Melody and Marvel too but I think it was my own merit that landed me a couple extra bucks for pounding on Crips, and not _just _the "who ya know" people in my life.

I get asked a lot of questions now that I've been fighting. "What or who do you picture you're fighting when you're up there?" Lately it's been Marvel's job or her boss at Hooters since I found out about that and I loathe it. The rest of the time it's Tek that I imagine; and that's because his usual question is, "Scale of one to ten, how likely do you think you are to win?" and then he places his bets based on my answer. I think he should have faith in his boy, or pep me up or something. I heard rumor he had his last guys throw fights; if he wants that from me I won't have to _imagine _I'm fighting him next round.


	22. BONUS CHAPTER

BONUS CHAPTER

This chapter isn't meant to be in the "current time" that the book is taking place, but rather in the years after, as a reflection of a turn of events. If you wish to skip it, you may, and you may even be able to stay on point with the rest of the readers. However, it is my hope and my prayer that you will gain from reading what I gained in writing this chapter. It was never intended in the original scripting, nor did it seem significant in the passage of time as I pondered the events leading up to the grand finale of this tale. But something within me was begging this to be written in. Please, if you can (and also, please find a legal way to do it, like youtube) also listen to each song as you read. I trust it will enhance the storytelling beyond the way this simple wordsmith could put it alone. Enjoy.

Barny

When Glandyator calls, we all come. And he called everyone this time. Generally I make time for all of my friends, but Glandy's the only one that we would all move Heaven and Earth to get to if he says it's something he thinks we should do. Heck I'd change my schedule and cancel a date if he just wanted to watch a movie at his place. But this, this was worth every bit. I worked crazy fast on my math and physics homework, knowing I'd need my buddy Chase's help before class on the physics anyway, just to rush to the field that I knew Glandy and Torrin would be lighting a bonfire or tuning guitars, a banjo, or adjusting the head on a djembe. There they were, bright and smiling, Glandy had a table and some food even; and there was no mistaking his favorite Bible on the edge either. He had a Bible that I'd seen him take most weeks to church on Wednesdays or highlight and write in; but he had his grandfather's old family Bible when he was about to lay down something truly profound.

Don't get me wrong, I love my brother, and I know it would be for my benefit to listen to what he wanted to show us all; but Barnabas was _not _in the mood to commune with the Almighty. I was hoping that since Torrin was there that the music would be more what Glandy would lean toward. And since Melody and Jose where both coming I figured he wouldn't go too hard on the preaching.

Then he grabbed his guitar, tuned it, and smiled as Cherish, Melody, and Jose came to view. Not seeing Mikey with Jose was weird since they'd been together a lot more lately; but I think Ninyo assumed what I did, this was an adult moment kind of night. No one said a word til Glandy nodded to his little brother and Torrin started a nice layout of some jazzy chords. "Even when the rain falls, even when the flood starts rising, even when the storm comes, I am washed by the water."

For a second I was upset at them for not starting with the first verse and jumping right to the hook. After all, I knew this one since Mom had been on an Air1 kick lately: NeedtoBreathe was a good band and "Washed By the Water" was a song I not only tolerated but loved hearing. But after I heard Torrin sing it by himself, and not just sing but growl it out, I understood why they did it that way. Pastor Andrew Micheins, as we'd grown to call Glandy on occasions like these, was trying to get us in the mindset of the night: his hope was that we'd not just ignore all the crazy junk in our lives but acknowledge and see it as God building us to something better. And Torrin really can growl it out, it's like he's trying to keep himself from becoming a werewolf but the animal inside is winning. His whole chest elevates and seems to grow muscle where there was literally none the moment before, and it flushes to his strained but somehow not uncomfortable neck into his face, which isn't awkward or strained at all except near the mouth. Looking at him from the top of his head to just under his nose you'd think he was asleep. It's a sight that only another male singer could truly appreciate, I think; and that's why Glandy's nod of approval didn't phase me.

The rest of the night I remember being proud that _this_, this crew, this group of misfit toys, this band, _this _was my true family. Glandy liked to call us "the Cohort" or "the true socialists as Peter and Paul of the Bible tried to make the church in the early years." What he meant by that was that we had each others' backs, and we never judged each other, but we did call each other on our bull. I remember being shocked at the lyrics of old songs that even Jose knew, and respectfully sang out in his low register. Mostly, I remember feeling exactly the words of Glandy's last song by Jeremy Riddle, "Sweetly Broken." God was doing something to us, and whether we were ready to admit it or not, the time was coming that change was at hand.

I saw it the weeks to come in Jose. Neither he, nor I, nor Mel, nor even Cherish and Torrin, fully committed that long while. Truthfully I doubt I've changed now and it's been years since that night. But in some sort of rebellious way, we'd realized our calling. I'm not saying it was a miraculous conversion or that we quit all our old ways and habits cold turkey. I'm afraid what we did might be a sacrilege. Jose and I especially merely adapted and changed ourselves to be more like Robin Hood, or Boondock Saints. Not at all the type of people to emulate in modern times, but somehow we were able to justify our misdeeds away as being good for the sake of messing up the bad guys. But right or not, that night changed something in me that I've never forgotten. Especially the way Andy sang. He was perfectly relaxed, as if nothing physical inside him moved except for his human need to breathe in and out. But that was all. He wailed and growled just like his brother, and Glandy hit notes that I know are far too high for his normal register; and yet he was somehow relaxed that night. But it was what he said at the end that really caught me.

Melody-

I couldn't believe. Anything. I just stood there like some kind of tan porcelain doll soaking it in, yet at first felt completely emotionless. I'd been drained lately. I know the God is real. But here I was, the obvious heathen of our group, even counting Jose, dumbfounded that they'd even want me here. Was this my intervention? I mean, within the last two years I'd: dated a lesbian and made out with several, done every drug I could think to try, street-raced, cut, bitched at lots of people, cursed constantly (guess I shouldn't have just said "bitched" huh?) and certainly I'd not once gone to church that I can recall.

That intervention thing was only me half kidding. Especially when I heard them sing "Beautiful Things" which Torrin has since told me is by a band named Gungor (great name by the way). It goes "You make beautiful things, you make beautiful things out of the dust. You make beautiful things, you make beautiful things out of us." How was that not directed at me? And if it is directed at me is it Glandyator's way of slamming me or is he trying to somehow save a soul I'm not sure isn't already in Hell?

And then my dear sister sang a surprise solo, keyboard and all, of a song I'd heard her sing a million times through the walls in our houses. I think it's by Francesca Battistelli, and I spelled it right too if my Italian serves me the way I know it does. "Beautiful Beautiful" is the name of the gorgeous string of lyric for a God I wished loved me, but I fear couldn't. Somehow that night, my sister, my boys, that song meant more than an annoyingly loud song from the next room over by my overbearing Mother Hen of a sister. It meant that God saw me, and didn't hate who I was or who I'd been, but loved the potential me. Before that exact moment I had no real desire to be that potential Melody. I was fine being the deviant. I was only uncomfortable when I was around these few people. But as I looked at each of their faces, and watched as my sister gorgeously sung out each line and let her breath flitter away at the end of each stanza and yet still not take huge gasps for new air, I knew that these few were the people that most respected me. This Cohort as Glandy would continue to call us, was the love I'd been looking for elsewhere. I'm ashamed to say that I'm still not truly sure if it was God that led to the change in me or if it was them. I am sure that the dramatics of my life didn't start that night, nor had they started before this night; but I do look back at this with a thankful heart of the time that my crew started to be tight-knit. I'm not sure if it's my language training that taught me to hear someone say a sentence and forever remember it's pronunciation; but those words Glandy said, I've had them memorized since the time they hit my ear. I have only one other time cried as hard as I did later that night when I can remember praying for the first time.

Cherish-

My sister was here, and she didn't seem to be hating it. I had no idea Torrin had that tone in his voice, he sounded like some of my favorite lead singers from bands like Skillet or Red, but I'm sure he learned it from the guy from Linkin Park or something skater bandy. Glandy did as I assumed he would, reveled in the fellowship and friendship and our willingness to worship with him. It was Christopher, who lived up to his biblical nickname, Barnabas, and Jose that impacted me most that night.

Barnabas was said to have been "the son of encouragement" in the Bible, and Christopher was certainly doing a lot of encouraging that night. We all prayed out loud when Torrin started in on it, and Chris prayed so specifically for each of us in such a loving way that years later it's my fondest memory of him. It's a moment I've told a few of the girls he'd date along the way to show them that he was a man worth being with. He hugged each of us as he prayed for us, "God, thank you for Nicole. I hope she knows that as much as we love her, it's YOU that cherishes her. I hope she seeks You next year at college and finds a way to use her future profession in a way that honors You." I didn't know Chris could pray like that. Even though I'd disagreed with some of the things I later learned about him, or thought of him previous to that prayer, it didn't feel rehearsed or scripted.

Jose really laid down a huge chunk of his armour that night. I couldn't believe that he even knew the words to a hymn, let alone that he'd be willing to sing it. Guess that was God starting to break me of my judgmental and elitist attitude. I'd been so focused on being the perfect Christian that I forgot half of the greatest Commandment, love they neighbor. Here was my favorite Mexican laying aside his tough, cool exterior in order to be part of our humble, silly little group. And not only that, but he was gungho. Jose hugged Chris when it came his turn to be prayed for, and it was a lingering, tight, brotherly hug. I think that was the moment they meshed into more than acquaintances or business people who used each other for more "juice" as they used to say all the time. That was when we started to see the devious duo become the leaders we wanted. That was when we all became leaders I think. We all were there for each other. Parts of the same Cohort, and parts of the same Body.

Torrin-

"And I'll stand with arms high and heart abandoned. In awe of the One who paid it all. I'll stand, my soul Lord to you surrendered. All I am is Yours." Hillsong brought out that gut wrenching need for God in me. I think I'd always been a Christian, though my look and the bands I liked would have lead most people to think I was some skater atheist or agnostic like a lot of the other kids that fell into that group. Truthfully I loved, and still love P.O.D., Red, Skillet and bands like bands like that the most. Good Charlotte was a guilty pleasure, but often I got shoved with the wrong crowd cuz I was a skinny skater punk. I was alone, it seemed, on both sides of the line that I played. With the skaters after school I was the "church kid." They thought I wasn't as intellectual as they who thought 'there may be something greater than us but who are we to know, I don't choose any one religion because religion is a crutch that causes war.' Your passion _should _cause you to arise to a battle! God, of all things to fight for, is one that I never questioned. Sorry, tangent.

Other side of the coin, I was seen as 'the kid that obviously would rather be skating than in church.' Either way, I usually felt alone in my worship, other than when Andy and I played music together. But not tonight. Tonight we all raised our arms and surrendered. I didn't think Jose would even stay, I wasn't sure why Andy even asked him to come, but I'm glad that he came, and glad I was wrong.

And Melody; hoooo what a low whistle I _still _let out when I think about her that night. Not because she looked dazzling, though she did. Or because I always found her pretty, though I did. Or even because she sang well, though she did; and in fact that's the reason that they justified never giving her a nickname as "melody" fit too well. It was the fact that her soul started to fly that night. I've been trying for years to come up with a good analogy of it, and I think both from a mixture of hanging out with Barnes and learning more about Melody that I have it. The soul didn't soar that night like a hawk or eagle or owl. It _began _to fly. The way a butterfly does when it's wings are still wet, fresh out of the cocoon while it's still in shock that it doesn't have to be a caterpillar.

I grew into something new that night too. I wasn't Glandy's little brother, or Torrin the twerp. I was just Torrin. I was everyone's brother. Lord knows that felt good. I knew my brother Andrew better than all of them, at least that's what I'd like to believe and the others affirm that for the most part, but even I wasn't sure what he'd be up to that night. I wasn't sure if he and I would be up late as per usual after a night of Bible things so that we could debate the validity of our thoughts or disprove one another or if we would agree, but there was no argument with what he dared to share that night.

Jose-

That night I knew I had to play the game differently. I wasn't done playing, that wasn't a resolution I'd stick with, but I was gonna flip the script and do that Harlem Globe Trotter style that I'd been mentioning to Anubis and a little to Barnabas, who up until that night I still didn't fully trust. That night I knew I'd have to adjust and clean up, if not for making my own life better than to keep Barny out of jail. I didn't know how close we'd be until he prayed for me. No one ever prayed _with_ me that I knew of and definitely not while I was within earshot. I know Nana prayed _about _me constantly, "Lord, keep him safe. Father, don't let him die," but never the way Barny and I hugged and broke down the wall like that night.

I think I was the most surprised of all of them that I remembered the words to Come Thou Fount, but I think that God had something to do with that. I know that before that night I never thought about the words before. Church was a ritual to me. I grew up Latin Catholic; you kneel, sit down, stand up, cross yourself, say three "Ave Maria's" before you leave and that's that. I knew the words, but they never meant a thing to me. "Teach my heart to sing thy praise," as soon as that line of that song came out of my mouth I think I prayed for the first time, at least in a real way. I meant the words as I thought them, before I said them. I wanted to know what God was like. Glandy had a big part in that change for me. His faith was his entire being. He never made a move without know God approved it. I'm not saying he's like that annoying kid in class that would remind you the movie you saw "isn't really Christian" or ask you "WWJD?" No, Glandy had a personal faith that somehow made you want to have it. I wish I could say that was why I wanted to change. But it was Barnstormer and I that I knew would walk together, and it was he and I that became the pranksters, the artists, the brothers that changed it up. He was Paul Walker, I was Vin Diesel.

But what Glandyator said that night when he spoke is branded on me more than any of the millions of tats I've gotten since I was a kid, and maybe that's cuz he only said one thing.

Glandy-

"I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me." Galatians 2:20.


	23. Chapter 1 Blood and Tears

Dear reader,  
I'm honored that you made it this far with me on the journey. I hope that it has affected you in some way and that it will continue to do so. Some things I'd like you to be aware of as you enter what I now consider to be the second book, Blood and Tears, the imagery of the title I hope is not lost on you but alludes to gangs and also the Christ. I hope the last chapter of the last book found you well, and I hope that it sets the tone for the next book. Don't for a second think that the "old life" is over, it's not. So do not fret if you read this for the gang life and craziness that follows it; it will find it's way into this next part of life. But the goal is to overcome that world; somehow evolve into something new and better. I also hope that whenever music works it's way into a chapter that you might listen to the songs. Most of them are on youtube if not all, and if you can't find one please message me. Also, I'm aware of the COUNTLESS mistakes in the first book. Someday I will revisit it and rectify them. If anything was unclear, please message me. I pray that I do not glorify the sin and the urban legends, but that I lead you to at least a curiosity about my God. Blessings to you all,  
Christopher "Barnabas" Spang

Barny-

I understand why my meticulous, manipulative, marvelously sinister, sweet sister Melody was coaxing me to learn phrases in Dinka, this little kid is delightful. I'm glad he's into the foster system and is on to adoption possibilities too; a kid like this should not be thrust back into a warzone. He got shot for crying out loud and he's 3. Melody working with him is good for her too; I think it gives her direction to a newer and better life.  
But here I am shoving myself back down into that pit for another perfect storm party. A week after going to see my future college with my mother, Northwestern (a Bible school keep in mind), I sit in the SS waiting for Jose to announce that we're here. Which he does in epic fashion. "Renegade" blares through our speakers as we roll in and park across the aisle from that micro-gangsta, which easily overshadows and drowns out whatever he was playing. Then the Jay-Z and Eminem duo that is Jose and I (he loves that Hova and Jose are easily switchable in lots of songs when we spit in the Chevelle) and nod to Anubis. Tonight will be the start of the revolution. We aren't taking this "getting out of the game" thing laying down. We're holding our spot, but getting away from the negativity and the illegal game a little bit at a time. This was Jose's idea: he and I both do a couple fights against Tek's crew, I'll race and battle Tek's guy on the mic, and Jose will fire Tek from the garage and buy him out officially. Tonight I feel like we sound like a church bell tower the way our brass ones must be clanging together. But everything is perfect, the whole Cohort is here: Jose, me, Glandy, Torrin and even Anubis is here to hold down for our new crew. The ladies wanted to come but can't til next week, and this is a little deeper than I'd like them to be involved in, in case something goes wrong. But it's good to know we have love already as we go straight, or straight-ish as Torrin would laugh as he recalls the movie 4 Brothers and assigns us each a role in the film. I'm apparently the Mark Wahlberg of our crew (I think that's just cuz I'm the only white guy old enough).  
Tek is already in a fit, perfect. Jose anticipated this, and so did Anubis- the umpire to the Underlings. Somehow Anubis is the guy people look to as the rule keeper, we trust and take his word as what we should do. I don't know how thugs have a code, but apparently Anubis is the keeper of it. He does that cut off signal with his arms, our cue to mute our music before he bellows to the masses, "Tonight! Tonight isn't about which individual car is fastest, which guy can run his mouth on the mic, which one guy can knock out one other guy. Tonight it's crew on crew, family on family, set for set. And we have a new crew; and they would like you to know that you can stand with them, or against them, but don't stand in the way." It's like he's Jeffrey Chaucer and I'm in A Knight's Tale, "The Cohort is the new army, full of old guys; and Tek, they're calling you out. So, lil Tit, get your crew rounded up, your best of the best because each round you're gonna go toe to toe with at least one Cohort crew killa." And then Anubis does something he's apparently never done at one of these, and did a handslap hug with each member of our crew. Anubis had chosen a side. The Godfather that everyone had respect and honor for, but nobody could remember what his move set was; Anubis lined himself up with us.  
I smiled as I heard Torrin start playing my "entrance theme" for the next race. As Anubis called off names for cars to hit the line and people cheered, and whooped, and ran to the sidewalk, you could hear "Without Me" by Eminem bump as he yelled my name last. "This looks like a job for... BARNY EIGHTY-EIGHT!" Just how the Dog yelled loud enough to be heard over two subs I'll never know; but I hafta admit it was pretty badass to be the overpowering favorite to waste 3 chumps in a one mile down-and-back. Basically You go balls-out for a half mile- then do a drift underneath a train overpass, it's a tough view and you have to really trust your car to make it and trust no one is blocking even part of the lane or else you won't make it easily. And that's where I take an even bigger lead. I drift right through without caring. The SS is a tank, even if I do manage to clip something it won't affect my time and will only take 5 minutes in the shop to bang out. I would get a nice lead from the get go with the wheel set and Nos that Jose set me up with, drift the corner, and then lap a good five lengths in front of the next guy. But then I saw Tek, and I wanted to embarass him. We took off, he was decently close behind me, but I didn't use any Nos yet, I wanted to see his strategy. He was saving his, scared of the drift. The next closest car was already well in my rear view, so I thought I'd make Tek know that he never had a chance. I got to the corner half a second before him and threw on my brake lights, HARD. Rather than rip the emergency break like I normally would, I hit the foot. I was counting on Tek to freak, which he did. He slammed on his break, and when he did the next guy slid right by. I still had a nice lead so I waited til I saw Tek get passed by whoever that last guy was before I hit the spray and crushed them all. Tek ended in fourth, and right away I had set the pace for the night. Not only was the Cohort going to win every single thing we did, but the Bloods were going to lose as harshly as we could make them.  
I got out of my car the victor, and just pointed to Tek, grabbed the mic out of Anubis' hand and challenged any of his rhymesayers. He shoved his houseboy Stone at me. I hated Stone, he was the one that was keeping Mel in the game. The guy that was hurting my baby sister. This would be fun. The beat started for him and he laid it in thick. "Barny the dinosaur I know you fuckin' love me, but what you gotta know is that there's no one above me. I am the master, you're a little bitch boy I've seen ya. But nobody thinks you're a thug you're a fake, John Cena! you're an asshole, you're a wetback's bitch, when Jose cums on your face do you just swallow or switch? You're out past your curfew, call your ride and go home. Before I call up your girl to spit shine my damn chrome."  
I whispered to Torrin during Stone's rant to cue up a very special song's beat for when I got my comeback on him. Track 10 on the album You Can't See Me by one John Cena, I had a few things I was gonna mess around with the title of the track, Bad Bad Man. "You called me out, and I hated your demeanor but notice how this crowd is all bumpin to John Cena. Chase me gingerbread run fast as you can, but you're never gonna catch me I'm a 'Bad Bad Man' Tek knows that's true, he's never caught me at all and if you think you're a stone tower I'm Sampson, you'll fall. You'll break beneath the pressure of my strength, you might have a thick one but you're not 2 inches in length. And when your sister's done cleanin your tires, I got a rimjob she can have if she wants to get hired. It's sick that you let Tek put a clamp on your cock, don't forget I'm the people's champ, not Cena I'm the Rock! Don't get this thing mixed up I'm not here to dis you not to please. You don't need a fucking tissue, Tek gave you his disease. That time he had you take it by the basketball courts, now your whole face and your asshole covered in warts. Give the mic back to Anubis, and go the fuck to bed, before I literally take my fist and go upside your head. Wipe off your face, it's so shiny and dumb. O shit, I'm sorry, I didn't know it was Tek's cum." Anubis cut me off by standing on Stone's side and waving a white flag. "Homeboy's done, no way he's alive anymore, stop shooting bullets. He surrenders." Stone thinks he has a line or two left in him, so he grabs for the mic again and the crowd just boos at him.  
I turn to Glandy and whisper, "Dude I think Anubis saved my hind end right there. I thought Anubis had me with a couple of those lines." Glandy just smiles and pats me on the back, "You laughed at yourself and turned his own guns on him, you did fine."  
"Was that... did Andrew Micheins approve of me swearing? Ok then!"  
"Don't be an ass, this is a one time thing." He smiles again and leads me on to the next thing, nodding to Jose getting out of Nena. "He won too, so far we're three and o."  
I shake his hand and smile. He knows I took my two rounds and doesn't even question it. I swear he had this whole night mapped out because what happened next was straight out of his playbook. Tek, so furious he sounded like a squeaky kid going through puberty, screamed "You three bitches against us, no tap outs just knock outs. All three at once." I stare at Jose in disbelief, that's the exact match that he wanted to set up, and now I'm stuck doing it. I've seen Ninyo fight, but I've never seen the Anubis Dog even swat a fly. I have no idea what this is gonna look like, but I know that Torrin has Big Poppa by Notorious ready to play for when Anubis gets in the ring, and Patiently Waiting by Eminem and 50 Cent for Jose and I. The third verse of our song is where it's cued up, but the first verse means a lot to us now. The words that blast loudest for Tek to cringe to ring out with a mix of the track itself and the crowd that knows the words, "You shouldn't throw stones if you live in a glass house, and if you got a glass jaw you should watch your mouth." I point at Stone, I want him first; and as we have a huddle before Torrin yells to start the fight, the other two agree that I can have him. Anubis hates X anyway, "I'mma put that little thuglet in his place. Dealing to kids and beating on women? He's gonna see what that gets you." And we all know how Jose feels about Tek.  
Stone's a tall dude. So am I but I had to climb him like King Kong on the Empire State Building. I stomp on his foot, jump on his knee and knee him in the jaw, coming down with a hard right-handed haymaker to the left side of his face, right by his eye socket. He's already woozy. One-two to his throat, knee to his solar plexus and he's winded and dazed. Roundhouse kick to the same side of his face, a big spin on my part is a big risk but paid off. He's down. He fights dirty, grabbing my ankle and twisting, lifting it up to make me stumble. I almost do but then Jose drops his whole body weight into a close-fisted Hulk smash on Stone's already bruising eye. Stone is out cold. I look around and Tek is speaking in tongues he's so out of it; and Anubis is choking out X. We beat them soundly. Anubis doesn't even let anyone else speak, grabs a mic and yells that there's a party at the shop, and even Tek's invited. 'Well, it is in Tek's honor...' I mumble to Torrin.  
"I know, I've got the tracks you wanted to play to show your respect for him." Apple and The Loser Wins, both by Atmosphere, will really show the true desires I have for him. The former's chorus "Just cuz you're an emcee doesn't mean you get to be an asshole. Just cuz you're a man doesn't mean you get to act like a bitch..." continues on to a perfect adaptation of how we cut out Tek, and what is in store for him now.

Jose-  
"Forget about Dre." Not my first choice, but after hearing it play when I get in my car and waste these fools, even though Barny's the one that's been driving me around for almost a year, I gotta remember to thank Torrin. When he said he was gonna make a playlist it sounded pretty stupid; but now seeing how perfect he's lining up the mood to the plays, feels fuckin perfect. "Say What You Say" by Dre and Eminem is even better for me for the first fight I have. Barny walks me in, so it's me and him, Dre and Em, Ninyo and Barnuckle. Love it. "So I'm out the game huh?... was born to brew up storms and stir up shit..." Dammit I'm gonna miss punching these fucks out all the time. I gotta remember to start watchin my damn mouth, but not tonight. Fuck that shit tonight. Right now I'm the fuckin Master of Mayhem, and this is my thesis.  
The fight with my crew on Tek's was fuckin' ace. I picked that punk up by his throat with both my fists, slammed the back of his skull into a lamppost, then the side of it into the pavement. Still holding his tiny neck (my fingers almost touched my thumb around the back- but I'm also a fuckin giant) with my left hand, I gave him a few hard hooks with my right. My closed fist is the size of his head from jaw to temple; I'm pretty sure he was knocked out before I threw the last three. I quick kick out the legs on the assclown that Anubis has in a standing chokehold, then then knock out Stone with Barnes.  
We walked into our shop as kings. Lights and speakers set up, we blared songs dedicated to how big a bitch Tek is. "My Dick" by Mickey Avalon was hilarious. Barny decided to make it a karaoke with me and Anubis. Torrin actually found the lyrics on youtube and had it on a monitor so I could actually yell it out and point at the Blood crew that showed up. "If You So Gangsta"- Lloyd Banks must have met Tek cuz damn that's perfect.  
I see his dumb ass and cut the music. "Tek, you're fired" I throw him the cashbox that we kept all the winnings I made off of him tonight. "That's your buy out, leave your keys with The Dog and get the fuck out of my house. Tomorrow we'll talk exact terms cuz there's more to it than this partnership dissolving, we're adding to our crew and taking one out of yours and Pebble's there." I nod to Stone, hoping that by making his nickname even dumber than he is that they know this is not about respect. I catch Barnes out of the corner of my eye. He better not hug me in front of this crowd but he looks like he's gonna cry. I just nod and we have that psychic bond that lets him know I aim to get his sister out of the Blood.

Anubis-

I've been out for years, so Torrin playing my old joint, "Still Fly" by the Big Tymers when I was break dancing for some girls was a good way for him to be my brotha from anotha motha. Ha! I haven't talked, dressed, and felt like this in awhile. Made me miss this old life for about half a second. I'm glad I've elevated my game to a professional level but it felt nice getting the respect of an O.G. still in my mid-twenties.  
"You Don't Know" by the Re-Up after that beat down? Boy's got skills with song choices. I loved dropping those idiots like new born giraffes: from six feet up straight on their head, "welcome to the world lil bitch, now get up and try walking so I can kick your ass again." It was sick having a crew to back up and be brothers with. They stand for something, something good in a corrupting world. The Cohort is my fam now, but Glandy made one horrible mistake; he told me they're good prankers.  
After the party's over I was mopping the floor on the stage, with a little somethin' extra in the mix. I got Barny to help move mic stands and Jose jumped up to move an amp. Glandy and Torrin just walked on under their own free will. I back up and mop the whole ply-wood stage, flip the laptop open so I can cue a song, "Hey, I heard you fools think you've got the prank scene on lock. Well... 'I'm comin' for that Number One Spot.'" Ludacris rang through the shop as I did a mic drop with the mop and walked out. They're gonna have fun seeing if the can either get their shoes un-super-glued or jumping off the stage in their socks without getting stuck again. Welcome to my house, homies.


	24. Chapter 2 Blood and Tears

Glandy-

I've decided to make mixes for everybody for Christmas this year. I know everyone's style so this is going to be fun. Since everyone has decided to be "more Christian" I started out with a "changing it up" song. Like for Cherish and I I chose 'I'm Not Who I Was' by Brandon Heath. It's all about how he knows he was a jerk back in the day, but now is so much better because of his choice in God. Cherish will laugh and make me sing and play guitar to it with her. I don't understand why she feels convicted. She and I have always been able to talk openly and confess. Nothing she ever says is that bad so I kept it light for her song choices. David Crowder, SonicFlood, Casting Crowns. 'Here I Go Again' by Casting Crowns is one I hope encourages her; she wants to help Melody the most, and she's not sure how to talk to her little sister about God. Rush of Fools finds its' way to my ear and I decide I have to play "When Our Hearts Sing" and "Peace Be Still" for Cherish. Both songs speak to God's love for us and what our response should be. Cherish doesn't need to hear, "run away from sin," but rather, "trust that God's already here for you, just rest in Him."

I found Lean on Me and Alison Krauss' version of 'Down to the River to Pray' for Mel. She needs to know she has people here waiting to love and be with her. And of course to appeal to her more hardcore side I threw in some Flyleaf, Paramore, and Icon for Hire. 'Call You Out' by Flyleaf will be good. I think she'll especially like verse two, "I know this language of yours I used to speak it so well... Your time's up now/that's enough now/ shut up get out/ truth calls you out." Her language side and the fact that she knows the language of the pit will speak to that verse as it leads into the chorus. She doesn't have time for that world any more. She has a new job, and a new Cohort to live for. 'Fire Fire' for basically the same reason, but just to hammer it home I guess. She's the one I hope God fills the most. She's receptive but she's freaking out. She's scared, and I'm afraid she always will be. It's like a huge part of her doesn't know who she is or what she's capable of. Like Jean Gray when she was becoming the Phoenix in the X Men movies, right at the end of that movie when she looks freaked out. She can see what she can do; but she doesn't know that it's really her. That's the thing I'm most scared about with her. Barnabas wrote a lyric we called 'Lethal Narcotic' about the sin nature and how it gets addicting even though you know it's putting you through hell of every kind. It's suited for Melody: 'Lethal narcotic ripping through my veins/ attacking all my systems yet somehow coping with my pain. Lethal narcotic scraping out my brain/ giving me hope only to leave me drained.' Yes, that's the song I was thinking: 'Better Than Drugs'- Skillet. Similar yet different to Barny's song and a bit more uplifting for my dear sis. Lord I pray you'll find these songs pleasant, and that she will too. I close out her album with Jars of Clay, 'Love Song for a Savior,' which I put on Cherish and Marianna's too. "Someday she'll understand...Someday she'll trust Him and learn how to see Him." I hope she does soon.

"I was wrong then, Heaven ain't the only place to go... I leave this in the Lord's hands, I'm tired of cryin'..." I put Lecrae on both Jose and Barny's albums, but so much of "Mayday" speaks to Jose's life that I hope it hits him like it hit me. I gotta get him to watch the music video for that one too: at a funeral praying and feeling convicted like I know he did when his brother died. I hope it speaks to him to stay out of that life. The guys were the hardest to find stuff for. I don't do hip hop very much but I love what I found! 'Change' by Lecrae is the perfect song for the guys. Every single line speaks to them and their stubborness to be half in half out. Sho Baraka hits it home with 'Evolution,' off an album that Torrin found for me. The chorus goes something like, "I was young I was dumb I was just too cool/ I was loud and obnoxious I was just that fool/ Love money love lust love me, love greed/ No limits to my conscience anything to succeed/ I was selfish and conceited, love rage, love hate/ A wannabe thug, a plain disgrace/ Your boy did a 180 cuz the Lord had grace/ Sometimes I wanna go back, let me tell you why I can't." It's about that back and forth, that desire to go back to the old ways, to falter and fail. I put "What If I Stumble" by dcTalk on Barny's record for the same reason. Why do we fall, Master Wayne? So we can learn to pick ourselves back up. I also found some less "thinking rhymes" and found some dance rhythms to vibe with, "Drawing Room" by Cross Movement had a good line right away though, "and as they talk talk I'll preach Christ bled/ cuz ain't a soul on the planet ever get save on street cred." Ha, that one might be a little tongue in cheek, I'll admit; but I think Jose of all people appreciates a little self-aimed humor. I put the song "Free" by Ambassador (he's one of my favorite guys on the Cross Movement, or so I'm leaning so far) on both of theirs because of that _stone cold_ opener. "You know it's a cruel world, that's why I'mma ask you a question, 'if you could get out would you?'"

I played that last one for Barnes and he just rocked and nodded, slapped me on the back and gave his best 'amen, brother' face. He sought me out, had some songs he wanted to work on. He's getting it. He laid down the lyrics he'd been working on for a song called "Out," and it blew me away, "no more half of this, half of that/no more idle nonsense and chit chat... straddling the fence only works for so long/sooner or later you're singing that same song/ some days you wanna work, some days you wanna grind." I like when he reveals his mind in poetic fashion in a deeper way than any of us could articulate. Though, to be fair, if any of us could, it would be him. He has a way of manipulating words not to twist their meaning to gain some advantage, but to motivate the desire of his heart and flesh out his truest meanings. I can pontificate and theologize when I need to, but Barnabas is a wordsmith when he wants to be. Lately he's been in that focused zone like a college student during finals week. You know that kid that has headphones in not to listen to music but to drown out the world around him and stare straight ahead? Yeah, that's Barnuckle as of late. He attributes it to issues with his mom and how she is bugging him about who he dates and what he does. Other than in a world she doesn't know about he's a pretty decent kid, but she rides him crazy hard. He was getting a B in physics, _Melody_, the genius, got a B in that. I love science, and I had to study my butt off to get a B in the intro to that class. His mom is making him stay with the teacher every day after school until he starts getting an A, or it's no car for fun things. I don't get it. It's Advanced Placement Physics, it's supposed to be hard. Between that whole thing, the fact that he's stressing about Melody and her life and getting her out, and being a newly single guy it's no wonder why he is relating way too easily to "Toy Soldiers" by Eminem. I listened to one of Torrin's remixes of a Nickleback song "Hero Can Save Us." (Yes, I'm aware Nickleback is awful.) This song makes me think of Jose, but lately way more of Barnabas. He's not willing to wait for God to come be the hero, he'd rather take care of it now. He needs to build up his patience and not take on so much to himself in regard to his friends. He's got the patience of Job when it's just him or things he thinks aren't worth worrying over; but as soon as his mother or a best friend with an issue, he goes into beastmode or Batman and is only patient enough to plot the destruction of something.

"Chris," sometimes I use his real name when I want to make a point,"you're our King Arthur." I hoped referencing his favorite movie wouldn't seem lame to him, and it didn't apparently.

"What do you mean?" Intrigue was the look on his face, not annoyance.

"Barnes, you're our king. You're the one looking out for us, the one linking us all together, not Jose, not Melody, not Cherish, certainly not me."

"Glandyator you're the glue. I'm barely holding it together for me. I'm talking about running out a gang from my life and Mel's; you're the smart, biblical guy we need."

"That makes me, what? Merlin? Barnabas, you need to realize that it's your words that hold breath for us. Your lyrics, your heart, you have a way of getting people to follow you. Check out my brother, or Melody, or heck even Jose! They'd walk to the ends of the earth with you if you asked them, but you never would because you're a _good leader._ You got Jose to put vengeance and death to the side when he was literally ready to honor kill that guy that shot his brother. I'm not even gonna be around much longer, man. They said 7 years old would be my max. I'm 16. You're my leader, my role model. I don't care about your past as much as I would love to know your future more."

"Well if I'm Arthur you're no Merlin, Lancelot." That was the single greatest compliment he could have paid me in that moment. I was his right hand. He was saying I was his leader, and accepted being mine. That was his way of quoting Proverbs 27:17, "As iron sharpens iron, so one person sharpens another." We were going to build each other up. And that was good, because the Cohort is our church now, and I'd like to follow Paul in the Corinthian letters as our model for that. In chapter 14 of Corinthians Paul shows the church that each part, or person, had a purpose and that no matter what it should build up the group. Well, we had our leader, our counselor, our singer, our brothers, our sisters and we were ready to affect the world for the better.

But not yet. I heard there's a prank war brewing up, and I've prepared my entry with excellence. I went classic on Barnes, but the classics have a wonderful way of being refined and remixed. I Jell-O'd his toilet bowl. Took a solid 20 minutes of distracting him with movies and music so the ice and powder I poured in could set, but it was easy and o so worth it when I could hear him gasp, mid-stream, from the couch in the next room. "What the heck is this purple junk!?" He opened the door to ask and get an explanation.

"J. E. L-L. O It's alive!" I clapped and bowed and laughed as he grabbed the toilet brush, turned off the water so it wouldn't overflow, and watched the chunks slide down the drain, all the while doing that tell-tale 'gotta-pee dance.' I almost had to pee myself watching this. He turned the water back on and flushed, about ready to kick me out, and then...

"Are those? Are you kidding me!? You bought goldfish to do this!? Actual, live goldfish!? What... get me a cup or something to put them in." Yeah, I went to the pet store and bought 4 living, swimming goldfish and put them in the tank so they would swim into the bowl after he cleaned it. The bag had been sitting in there for a full day so I knew the temperature would be fine when I poured them out after setting up the jello. Barny now owns fish. He named them, Anubis, Glandy, Jose, and Torrin: the people he's gonna make sleep with the fish by the end of the prank war. "Good luck, Barndoor, I'm the best one upper in the world."

Barny's reply and evil laugh actually did make this thing worth it. Game on. "I don't play one up, Andrew, I play 5 up. I play game over. When I play a prank you'd have to committ a felony to top it." Game on indeed.

Torrin-

Ok these guys bring me to Cohort stuff, but I still feel like I'm at the kid table. Like, I know there's more that happens behind the scenes and behind doors I'm not allowed to see. It's cool; they're older and I don't know much about what they did before they asked me to hang out with them. But seriously, I'm Andy's brother, and I've known Barny since I was little. He's a little brother too, so he used to get my brother to invite me to stuff cuz he knew how it felt. I know they all have my back, but I wish they felt like I could have their back too.

"Your brother's a faggot." This again!? Some jackoff junior thinks that because my brother has AIDS that he must be gay. Get the hell out of that 80's mentality dude.

"Come on man, he was born with it, grow up."

"All I know is you only get that from fuckin' a dude up the asshole. So either he did or your old man did. Whole family of faggots."

"Well, you would be the expert on sex with guys, but obviously you need to pick up a book on STD's," don't know how I thought of that so fast, and why I was stupid enough to point to his friend, "Those bumps on your boyfriend's dick aren't for flavor like he told you; they're herpes." _Shit, Torrin! The hell are you thinking!? _My mind screams at me as I see this bruiser aim four knuckles at the left side of my jaw. I close my eyes, wait for impact, for some reason clenching my own fists isn't as fast a thought as that last dagger I spit was. I hear a thunk, but it's metallic, and I don't feel any pain. Last I checked I wasn't Wolverine and my face doesn't have metal in it... Did he punch the lockers instead?

Not exactly. He was shoved into them. "Get your ass to class. I know it's gonna hurt to sit down since this clown was making you his puppet with his hand up there but you obviously need to learn something before you try to mess with my boy again." Chris. Of course, he sees me in my stupid, weak, needing-to-be-rescued-since-I-can't-fight-for-myself moment and he's big brother Barnabas. The bully has demons in his eyes and turns to Barny. "No! Bad dog," he literally swats him on the nose and smiles about it. Barny turns to the bully's friend, "That's the way we correct bad behavior from bitches. Now _get!_"

"I got your back T. You good? You should start battling with me, dude! That joke was hilarious." _How long was he standing there!? _He flashes that signature 'I'm-a-badass-but-it's-ok-cuz-I-was-justified-as-the-hero' smile and, like clockwork, here comes the pity invite. "You and Glandyator both coming to my place tonight to watch wrestling right? Triple H and Lesnar are gonna go at it, I _have_ to see you make fun of Jose when H wins." What's this? Was Barny actually taking a genuine thoughtful interest? He remembers my favorite wrestler and wants to include me? It didn't seem like he was asking me because I'm Andy's brother, but more because we have a thing we both like.

"Yeah man, I'll come. I thought you three were too busy setting up pranks and telling Tek off to do anything this weekend." That came off a little more snide than I wanted.

"Yeah, first off, we needed a break from all that but I'll tell you more about it tonight. And don't think for one second you're excused from the prank war. In fact I need you to help me get back at Anubis. I saw that graffiti lettering you do and I have an idea." Barnabas wants me involved. This is pretty sick I guess.

"I got you." Apparently that was a good answer cuz he gave me the handshake I've only seen him give Jose, including the new Cohort chest pat. It's kinda like if you make a C with your hand turned but then gave it rocker horns with the pointer and pinky sticking up. Thought it was goofy looking at first, but it felt good to get it just then. I'm in.

Maybe they'll let me talk about the girl I like without killing me. I've been texting and facebooking with Mel. She told me to add her after the night in the field singing worship songs. She and I have similar tastes in music and poetry and art so we've been sending random artists' things to each other. Last night she sent me a street artist painting a night sky out of a bunch of props and graffiti caps. I sent her the Walk Off the Earth version of "From Me to You" since I know she likes a lot of Beatles stuff. Never thought I'd like a girl like this, kind of a hippie and kind of a bad girl. I love the song and the how they set up their instruments is crazy sick; but I really wanted to send her "Riot Girl" - Good Charlotte or "Girl All the Bad Guys Want" by Bowling for Soup. Gotta figure out a way to ask how to get her to notice me more without them killing me or getting overprotective of Barny's "little sister."


End file.
